Do You See Me?
by Saphira112
Summary: ON HIATUS! Tsuzuki Asato is a high school teacher, who teaches a single class all four subjects. He notices the new kid is being neglected by others and seemingly invisible. So, he decides to find out what is bugging the blonde green eyed youth.
1. New

Do You See Me?

Chapter One- New

"Minase Hijiri," called the teacher as he read the role list. A small call of "here!" was heard and Tsuzuki smiled as he checked off the boy's name before continuing down. "Fukiya Yuma and Torii Saya?"

"Here, Tsuzuki-sensei!" giggled the pair of girls as they waved with cherry smiles from the second row. Their smile grew a little wider as Tsuzuki also checked them off.

"All right, I think that's everyone," he finished, putting the list down.

It was already the third week of school and everyone was always here. Tsuzuki blinked his purple eyes, looking about the room. Yes, everyone seemed to be here. Except… Tsuzuki blinked again, looking far in the back of the room, seeing a blonde youth seated in the usually empty desk by the window, green eyes staring out at nothing, head resting on his hand.

Tsuzuki blinked, then counted people in the room before looking down on his number of students on his list. There were 27 students and 26 names. So, either the kid was in the wrong class or he was new and hadn't been added to the roster as of yet. He looked about sixteen, a junior this year, thin and pale. He didn't seem to notice Tsuzuki as he walked over and stood next to his desk. The class didn't seem to be seeing the new boy, so Tsuzuki tapped his shoulder.

The boy tensed and whirled his head around, green eyes blinking rapidly as he just noticed his teacher standing next to his desk. Tsuzuki cocked his head slightly at the boy before pulling a smile and saying, "Hello. What's your name?"

"K-Kurosaki Hisoka," the boy stammered almost inaudibly. A few in the class snickered at his slightly shaking voice, and Hisoka put his head down in slight shame. Tsuzuki waved his hand, telling the snickering few to put a sock in it (Go Tsuzuki!) before turning back to the ashen blonde youth. "Kurosaki Hisoka, are you new here?"

The boy nodded. Tsuzuki smiled before putting his hand on the younger one's shoulder and saying, "Well, since you're new, I can see why I didn't see your name on the list. I'll be sure to notify the office. In the meantime, make yourself comfortable."

With that, Tsuzuki strode back to the front of the room, turning to look back at the class. Hisoka had turned himself back slightly, returning to looking out the window again in deep thought, forest orbs distant and darkened a shade. Tsuzuki watched the boy for another few seconds before he cleared his throat and opened his black history textbook and announced to the class, "We will start on reading Ancient Cities in chapter one. Do I have a volunteer reader?"

A few people raised their hands. Tsuzuki smiled and called on one girl, Tacha, and gestured for her to go ahead. While Tacha read the section, Tsuzuki's amethyst eyes traveled to where Hisoka sat, his book open to the right page, but his emerald eyes seemed so distant, there was no way he was soaking up what was being read on the page. Tsuzuki felt the urge to call on the flaxen haired youth to see if he was okay, but he pushed the anxious feeling down and returned back to his book.

-X-

The bell rang, signaling the end of first period class and a ten minute passing period to go to lockers to get extra supplies, if any were needed, to prepare to go to Science next, where they had a "special guest" today teaching them about properties of chemicals. As the class filed out, Tsuzuki noticed that Hisoka was the last to leave. He also noticed a few boys pushing him back on purpose, throwing jeers at him.

Tsuzuki felt bad for Hisoka. One hour new and already he was getting pushed away by other students. Tsuzuki made a mental note to talk to the three boys after school today. When the class filed back in, he was surprised to see Hisoka as the first one in, five minuets early, he might add. The boy took his seat and looked back out the window, once again being the distant figure he was.

Tsuzuki stood up from his chair as soon as everyone had taken their seat and said, "Today, we're going to the Science lab in the Upper 400's to learn about mixing chemicals from a scientist who took time to come here, even though it was out of his way. I hope you all give him the respect he deserves."

The class nodded and chorused, "Yes, Tsuzuki-sensei."

Satisfied with that, he beckoned for everyone to stand up, and they filed out, Tsuzuki in the mix. He counted heads as they walked out, talking amongst themselves and slapping high fives for something good. 26 came out, yet one didn't. Tsuzuki looked into the door and almost ran into Hisoka, who trailed behind them by five feet.

Tsuzuki made way for the boy to pass before closing his room door and locking it behind him. He then followed the class as they walked up the stairs. Tsuzuki watched everyone carefully, making sure they followed school etiquette and whatnot (A/N: I honestly don't know exactly what teacher's do besides torture us, but whatever…). He was lucky to have caught one boy, Taiji, who turned around to sneer at Hisoka before pushing him back.

This caused the boy to be caught off guard and he fell backwards. Tsuzuki caught him carefully and stared up at Taiji, who tried to pull the "I didn't do it, don't blame me" act, but Tsuzuki had

"Akita Taiji, a week's detention," he declared before turning back to Hisoka, whom he realized had pushed himself off and was going up the stairs again, ignoring everyone. Tsuzuki once again felt bad for the boy. Why was everyone being so cruel to him? What was he to them, a nobody? Hisoka certainly was a person, one who should be respected just like every other person. Then… why?

They reached the U415 Science lab (That's my science lab number!) and sat down in pairs, all except for Hisoka, who seemed to actually WANT to distance himself. He sat in the back, away from everyone else, as blonde haired golden eyed scientist stood at the front.

"Hello, everyone! Good to see you! My name is Yutaka Watari" he greeted them. The class nodded in response and the cheerful hyper man continued.

"Well, you're all here to see what I do, which is mix complicated chemicals to create something else beyond human imagining. Please open your science physics books to page 617 and follow through me."

Tsuzuki watched everyone get out their science books and immediately glanced over to Hisoka, who looked like he as trying hard to pay attention, but his eyes seemed unfocused and glazed, as though in pain. The lesson went well, with Watari explaining and actually showing how he mixed chemicals carefully. The students seemed very interested and pleased and clapped when he was done.

Tsuzuki chuckled as Watari accidentally had his potion blown in his face, also causing the class to laugh their heads of for a full fifteen minutes. All except one. Amethyst eyes traveled over to see the boy looking uninterestingly at the floor, head back on his hand. Tsuzuki began to wonder if there was something wrong, besides the attitude he was getting from his classmates. There was something behind those foggy distant emerald orbs that just seemed to scream for help.


	2. Distant

Do You See Me?

Chapter Two- Distance

(Hisoka's P.O.V.)

"Kurosaki Hisoka, please see me after class," I heard Tsuzuki-sensei say to me as we left the Science Room. I snapped my head up. What had I done wrong? I was just minding my own business. Was that against the rules here? Jeez…

We came back to our homeroom, and as the class filed out to the lockers, Tsuzuki held me back, closing the door. I sighed staring impassively at my teacher. If he was going to get me into trouble for ANYTHING, I would hurt him severely and would give a damn if I got kicked out of school for that. Not like I wanted to be here, anyway.

"Kurosaki-kun, has there been something bothering you?" Tsuzuki asked me, leaning against his front desk. I blinked, trying to register the words in my head. Was that it? I sighed again and replied, "Nothing has been bothering me, sensei. Why?"

"You just seem distant and your eyes look glazed," he said to me, his amethyst eyes unwavering. "You seem so desolate, so I wondered if anything was bothering you, even if it's just being new to the school."

_Speaking of being new…_

"Do all the new kids get treated the way I do?" I asked him, narrowing my eyes.

"You're referring to earlier on the way to Science? No, not all are. And Taiji is already being punished. It's no wonder he's still a freshman with the way he acts. This is his fourth repeated year here," answered Tsuzuki-sensei. "If you ask me, that's kind of sad."

I rolled my eyes. "That's just pathetic. You didn't have to do anything. It's not like it helps anyway."

I gathered my things and began to head to my desk until I was stopped by a hand on my shoulder. "Look, Hisoka, if there's anything the matter, tell me. I can help you."

I whirled around, slapping his hand off my shoulder and slapping him across the face in the process, throwing his head to the side slightly. I glared hard at him. "There's nothing wrong with me! Drop the damn subject and do what you're supposed to: Teaching!"

I stalked back to my desk, ignoring his disbelieving look as he held his stinging cheek. I knew I could get expelled and possibly charged for assault for that, but I didn't care. Who did he think he was? He's a total and complete stranger, so why would he help me? It's probably another sick trick to get you to soften up only to stab you in the back later.

The rest of the class filed back in, unaware of what had just taken place, but the two hyper girls, Saya and Yuma, I think they were called, seemed to notice Tsuzuki's shocked expression and began asking him what was wrong. I held my breath, waiting to be yelled at, but to my surprise, it never came. Tsuzuki covered up his expression with a smile, telling the girls he was fine. Saya and Yuma seemed to take the bait and they sat back down, obviously satisfied.

Tsuzuki-sensei looked at me and I stared hard back, my own eyes unwavering and not hesitating. He sighed and opened up his English book, telling the class to turn to some page in the fifties section. I'm not sure which exact page; I had begun to zone out again, just like always.

To keep from falling asleep, I reached into my bag silently and pulled out my notebook, the one you can get at the store for, like, a dollar. It had college ruled pages, 120 of them and already I had used up eighty, but not for school. I wrote in my free time or read, whichever I felt like. Or I sketched something in my writing next to it in free space, normally only for my poems. I don't know why I liked to write, I just did.

I fingered the pencil in my hands for a moment before I began to write down a poem. My hand seemed to fly over the page like it was nothing, skipping down to line after line. The world seemed to fade away as I wrote kanji after kanji down the page and across until I finally stopped, looking up.

Tsuzuki was reading out of the page and as I looked up at the clock, I realized that I had only written for ten minutes. I looked back down at the page in my notebook, and then flipped back to the page before it. I had written three pages in ten minutes. Wow. I still had an hour and twenty minutes before class was over. Now, what to do?

I looked out the window and spotted a bird on a tree branch, flapping its wings slightly. It was a light tan with dark blue eyes. Beautiful creature, I had to admit. I began to sketch the bird, not paying any attention to the class, who were engrossed in their literature textbooks and following the teacher's words as he read aloud.

I began to shade the creature on my paper, having done the outline and I was inwardly thankful the bird wasn't flying away. It was as though it was supposed to pose for me and wait until I was done to fly off to attend to other things. I looked back up again to make sure I was darkening the right places. I was, thankfully.

I began to put more lead under the wing, as I had drawn it slightly lifted, showing a bit of the under part. I shaded it more before I moved to darken its deep eye and add a slight tone to the animal's proud and graceful head. I had just finished the final draw outline around its body before it fluttered its wings and flew off. I shrugged to myself before I looked back down at my sketch and realized I hadn't put the tree branch under the bird's curled feet. I quickly added that before leaning back slightly to admire my work.

I looked back up at the clock, or, at least I would have, had a person not been blocking my view of it. I gulped as I realized it was Tsuzuki-sensei. His head was angled to look at my drawing more properly and I flushed slightly. Oh, man, how long had he been standing there? Why hadn't I noticed? I mentally smacked myself. I had been too occupied with my dumb sketch to give any notice. Shit, have I been stupid.

I expected some form of sadistic remark or for the teacher to snatch my notebook and take it, read it aloud to the class, but all Tsuzuki did was stare at it. Then I realized he wasn't just looking at my drawing, but reading my poem, too. I quickly shut my notebook. Tsuzuki shrugged and turned back to his book, returning back to reading to the class, some of whom were staring at me, others leaning over to see what was so interesting.

My eyes followed my teacher as he walked back to the front of the room, never taking his eyes of his book. The class turned back to their own textbooks, now bored with what had just transpired. I found it odd that I wasn't the least bit publicly humiliated, but embarrassed because Tsuzuki had been reading my poem. No one ever read my poems and if the did, they had their face bashed in. Two years of kendo along with various other martial arts pays off, really.

I now looked back to the clock. An hour to go until the bell rang and then I would be free from school for today. Already, I was falling asleep. Nothing else to do, to be honest, so I reopened my notebook to a clean page, twirling my pencil in my fingers, thinking as I looked back out the window. Nothing seemed to come to mind and I watched a bird go by. I blinked, and then did a double take. It was the same bird. No way… it came back?

The bird landed on the same branch, now looking at me with its dark eyes, asking me a silent question I could not hear. Casting a quick glance with my preoccupied teacher, I put my pencil to the paper again. I realized the bird as at a different angle. Instead of a sideways pose, it was more front way and I could almost see its other dark eye.

I sketched the bird again, carefully looking between it and Tsuzuki to make sure I didn't screw up again and get caught. I was able to finish that one, too, before it spread its wings and flew off again. I sighed and inwardly smiled. It would be back. And I'd wait for it.

Sure enough, it came back, but this time it was not alone. Another bird, similar in color and shape landed next to it, except this new bird was smaller in comparison and its eyes were lighter than the other one's. Also, its underside of its wings were lighter in brown color, almost mixing with white. I nodded to the bird before I could stop myself and to my surprise, the bird nodded back. No, BOTH birds nodded back. It was as though they had read my mind.

I carefully sketched the smaller bird next to the side view of the larger one from earlier, putting them side by side, like two birds in love… literally. I wasn't big on love, but for nature's creatures, it was somewhat different. I actually liked to see them together. I think I envy them for being able to love and be loved. I wasn't going to fall in either category any day, what with what I am.

Sighing quietly, I looked back at sensei, realizing he wasn't paying any attention to me and instead writing something up on the blackboard. Perfect. I glanced back at the birds and contend to sketch them side by side. I had finished them just as the bell rang, signaling the end of last period, in which they watched me as I packed up my things. I looked back at them, gently reaching out mentally to touch their minds. My eyes widened as I realized there was no mind _TO_ touch. Then that meant…

I took a step back, tensing up at I stared at the "birds" looking back at me, cocking their "heads" slightly. Oh, God no… he couldn't have found me! Not after this!

I took another step back. I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned my head sharply, my eyes clashing with worried amethyst as my teacher looked at me in concern. "Kurosaki, daijabou desu ka?"

I looked from my teacher to back out the window, seeing that the "birds" were gone. Tsuzuki looked out the window, wondering what I was looking at. I shook my head and shrugged away from him, saying, "I'm fine."

With that, I hurried out of the room, not noticing I left something very precious behind me.


	3. Poetry

Do You See Me?

Chapter Three- Poetry

Tsuzuki watched as Hisoka nearly ran from the room, dropping something behind him, but not noticing it. Tsuzuki picked it up, realizing it as Hisoka's notebook, the one he had been writing in and sketching in all class. Tsuzuki ran to the door and looked out, hoping to spot the green eyed youth, but the boy was gone. Tsuzuki sighed, running a hand through his chocolate hair for the second time that day.

He went back into the classroom and placed the notebook on his desk. Maybe Hisoka would come back for it later, but then again, maybe Tsuzuki should take it home with him so it wouldn't get lost. But then there was the issue of Hisoka claiming to have invaded his privacy. Still, the poem he was writing earlier and his sketch… They went hand in hand so well, Tsuzuki couldn't help but begin to read. Unfortunately for him, Hisoka had shut the notebook before he had gotten to the end. And it had been getting good, too. Hisoka was a very talented writer for his age and a wonderful artist. His bird sketch looked like it would spring to life any second.

Tsuzuki decided to take a chance and opened the notebook to the first page.

"_My Sanctuary_," he read to himself, mulling over that idea, He then began to read the poem.

_The wind calls my secret name_

_Far, far across the plain._

_Whispering close into my ear_

_Softly so only I can hear_

_The breeze plays in my hair_

_Gentle and with plenty of care._

_Blue paints the open sky_

_As white clouds soon roll by._

_Birds sing in the tree,_

_Revealing so only I can see_

_The grass begins to tickle my feet,_

_Their gift from this nature I meet._

_A leaf falls to the ground_

_Softly, without a single sound,_

_A wooden flute in my hand,_

_Hard a firm, color of sand._

_To my lips, the flute to play,_

_So my haven never goes away_

_And my sanctuary will finally see,_

_A different, calmer side of me._

_Solid mask to hide my pain,_

_Still and yet not the same_

_The shining hue of my soul_

_Never filled nor ever whole._

_In myself, I choose to go_

_To watch the Orinoco flow_

_Grow my own pair of wings_

_See and touch brand new things._

_Within me, a flicker grows,_

_Made of what, no one knows_

_Flame of spirit of shining light_

_An earthly color glowing bright._

_My winged protector, a bird, an eagle_

_My ground guarder, a dog, a beagle_

_My spirit balance, a demonic angel_

_My soul order, left to dangle._

_-Kurosaki Hisoka_

Tsuzuki stared at the poem, letting the words sink in slowly. It took him five full minutes to understand the poem and he felt a lone tear roll down his cheek. He closed the note book and sat down at his desk, trying to calm down, but he couldn't stop his shoulders from shaking, nor stop the tears streaming down his face. The poem was beautiful, but sad and it held so much meaning and emotion. Did Hisoka really feel that way? Was he really still that young?

Tsuzuki looked at the notebook as he wiped away his tears. He knew if Hisoka found out he'd read even one bit of poetry from him, he'd get his ass kicked and yet, at the same time, Tsuzuki wanted to know what the boy felt, what he hid. Perhaps his writings could give him some insight, even if the smallest shred of knowledge would be enough.

Tsuzuki reopened the notebook

------

Hisoka rummaged through his book bag on a park bench, desperately looking for his notebook. He couldn't find it. _'Dammit, where is it?'_

He had dumped out the contents of his bag, but still, the leather notebook was nowhere to be found. Hisoka felt like crying. His most dearest possession was lost. He re-packed his bag and decided to retrace his steps. But that would take him back to the school. Hisoka sighed. Hopefully, he had simply left it in the classroom, where no one knew. No one except…

His eyes widened and he began to run back to the school. _'Please, don't read it! I can't let anyone know!'_

------

Tsuzuki was amazed at the writing in the notebook. Most of the poems he read made him cry again. He had read many of the poems at the front of the notebook. He was currently reading a poem called _"My Path",_ which had intriued him, but now, he slowly, but surely began to understood. The boy was hiding something great from everyone.

_My Path_

_It wasn't meant to happen_

_But Fate dealt her hand_

_Winning against Destiny and Chance_

_Displaying her cruelest trick._

_She followed me then,_

_Down halls and through doors_

_Instilling fear in my heart_

_Holding my soul in wicked hands._

_She punished me for my sins_

_And threw my gains away_

_Painting the moon blood red_

_Slowly torturing my broken spirit._

_Death stalks me in darkness_

_Chance retreats to her dorm_

_Destiny sits high in her chair_

_Watching Fate tear me apart._

_Peace shall never be granted_

_Nor luck or love on me_

_Soon it shall be as it was_

_Fears overwhelming my courage._

_No one can ever turn me away_

_From the path I'm force to take_

_And no amount of help shall be_

_As its meaning is nothing…_

_Nothing to me._

_-Kurosaki Hisoka_

Tsuzuki had just finished the last line before he heard distant footsteps running towards his classroom. Shit, Hisoka was back. Tsuzuki quickly shut the notebook and placed it on one of the desks at the front before going back to his desk and pretending to grade yesterday's tests just as the classroom door slid open, revealing the blonde teen. Tsuzuki looked up.

"Something wrong, Kurosaki-kun?" he asked, trying to sound casual.

Hisoka stared at him before looking around, as if looking for something. The "something" was found rather quickly as Hisoka spotted it on the front student desk, three down form the door. He sighed in relief and walked over to retrieve the book. Tsuzuki's eyes followed him every step of the way, adding his body language to the poetry he had read. Now that he saw it, the poems seem to fit the boy, as he was the one to write them.

Hisoka picked up his notebook and turned to leave, but he felt someone's eyes on him. He looked at his teacher with a light glare and asked, "What?"

Tsuzuki shook his head. "Nothing, Kurosaki. I'll see you in class tomorrow."

Hisoka stared at his teacher in disbelief as he remembered the day's earlier events before he reached out mentally to touch his teachers mind. He gasped as he saw lines of his poetry running through his teacher's head and not the test he was supposedly grading. "I can't believe you."

Tsuzuki looked up. "Can't believe what?"

"You! I can't believe you! Why did you read them, why!" Tears sprang to Hisoka's eyes as he shouted this, face clouded over in anger. Tsuzuki's eyes widened as he was asked such a question, then he sighed. "How are you so certain I read what you wrote?"

Hisoka bit his lip, but shook his head and ran from the room. Tsuzuki stood up, intent on running after him, then realized it was futile. He sat back down and sighed again rubbing his temples. How did Hisoka know he had read his poetry? Was it the tone of his voice or something? What had thrown him off?

-----------------------

Hisoka climbed the Japanese maple tree, high up where no one could see him and began to cry as he hugged his notebook tightly to chest. How could he have been so stupid? Now his teacher knew everything! He couldn't trust his teacher anymore. Not that he had trusted Tsuzuki in the first place, but still, reading his notebook like he owned it…

He hugged the notebook more tightly now, bowing his head over it and shutting his eyes tightly, allowing the breeze to play in his soft hair. No one was supposed to know… No one…


	4. List

Do You See Me?

Chapter Four

The next day, Tsuzuki noticed Hisoka keeping his distance from him. He felt bad for reading the writing the boy had written so carefully and emotional. He still needed to find out what was going on. It was now the last class of the day, English, in which Tsuzuki was grateful. He had decided on a test earlier in the week, but had overruled that idea for this class. He had a plan.

A hand was in the air. Hijiri wanted to ask something. Tsuzuki nodded and smiled. "Minase-san, you have a question?"

"Hai, Tsuzuki-sensei. Didn't we have a test today?" the violinist asked, curiosity shining in his eyes.

Tsuzuki nodded and answered, " Hai, we did. But I decided you guys already know enough English, you don't need a test. Instead, I've got something else planned."

Hisoka glanced up before turning back to the window, but Tsuzuki caught the glare, the anger and curiosity in his own green eyes. He wanted to know what the teacher was planning.

"Today, instead of a one hundred question test on the on commonly used semi-colon, we will do a small creative writing piece," Tsuzuki explained as some of the class laughed. "You will write about yourself creatively, telling me what your interests are or what you like to do, or even a bit of your past and it must be at least half a page long."

Most of the class nodded enthusiastically, but Hisoka looked up in horror and shock, his eyes flashing with even more anger. Tsuzuki caught his look and sighed before turning back to the class. "However, there are a few exceptions. If you do not wish to write about yourself, you must write down a minimum of ten song titles with the artist included that may describe yourself."

Suddenly surprised, the class nodded and took out pages of loose leaf paper. Tsuzuki looked over at Hisoka and nodded with an apologetic look on his face. Hisoka looked down and away before he tore out a piece of paper from his notebook and beginning to write. Tsuzuki hoped he would at least get some song titles.

Another hand was raised in the air. Tsuzuki turned reluctantly from the boy near the window to lock his eyes on Tacha. He smiled again. "Yes, Akira-san?"

Tacha put her hand down and asked, "Tsuzuki-sensei, will these be shared aloud to the class?"

Tsuzuki looked over at Hisoka, whose head had snapped up in shock. It seems the teen hadn't thought of that, but neither had Tsuzuki. At the slightly frightened look on Hisoka's face, he shook his head and answered, "No, Akira-san. These will be kept private."

"Oh, ok."

The girl went back to her writing. Tsuzuki looked back at Hisoka, who looked relieved. The teacher nodded to the boy and then turned his chair to type into his laptop that his friend Watari had provided for him. Hisoka wasn't the only one who wrote poetry.

-X-

The bell rang and Tsuzuki looked up from his computer to face the class. "On your way out today, place your papers on my desk. Have a good weekend."

The class gathered their things and paper after paper was dumped on the end of Tsuzuki's desk as they nearly ran out ready for the weekend. After everyone was gone, Tsuzuki sighed, leaning back in his chair before he grabbed the stack of work from his class and began to sort through it. He looked each corner for the name and in no time, he found Hisoka's. The boy hadn't written a paragraph, but a list. A list of songs. At least he had written something for him. Looking down the list, he was surprised that Hisoka had put more than ten and even more than that, most of the songs weren't Japanese. Looks like he didn't know what he was doing until he was done. He had put down twice as many songs than the minimum. There were a few songs erased, but Tsuzuki could still make them out. He began to read the list to himself.

_Kurosaki Hisoka_

_1- In the End- Linkin Park_

_2-Numb- Linkin Park_

_3-Untitled- Simple Plan_

_4-My December- Linkin Park_

_5-Desert Rose- Sting_

_6-Angels- Within Temptation / Shape of My Heart- Sting_

_7-Enae Volare Mezzo- Era_

_8-Cathar Rhythm- Era_

_9-Unwell- Matchbox 20_

_10-Bent- Matchbox 20 / Mystic's Dream- Loreena McKennitt_

_11-Voyage- Ayumi Hamasaki_

_12-Walking in the Air- Nightwish_

_13-Eden- To Destination_

_14-True Light- Byakua_

_15-Iris- Goo Goo Dolls_

_16-Finished Symphony- Hybrid_

_17-Somewhere I Belong- Linkin Park / Crawling- Linkin Park_

_18-Sumiregusa- Enya_

_19-Book of Days (Gaelic)- Enya_

_20- Arms of the Angel- Sarah McLachlan / Devil's Trill- Vanessa Mae_

Man, this was like his music collection. He probably didn't know what he was writing until he stopped at the bell and couldn't ease them. Tsuzuki had never seen such a wide variety of music before. He turned back to his laptop and went to iTunes, searching for the fourth song on the list, as he had never heard it before. He found the lyrics and began to listen to the song.

_My December_

_This is my December.  
This is my time of the year.  
This is my December.  
This is all so clear._

Tsuzuki closed his eyes, trying to imagine a cold December night, with snow falling on the earth.

_  
This is my December.  
This is my snow covered home.  
This is my December.  
This is me alone.  
_

The scene in Tsuzuki's mind changed as he thought of his home, covered in snow, and then the house was lit and he saw himself inside, drinking hot cocoa. But he was alone._  
_

_And I _

_Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed.  
And I  
Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that.  
And I_

_Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed.  
And I  
Take back all the things I said to you.  
And I give it all away…  
Just to have somewhere to go to…  
Give it all away…  
To have someone to come home to…  
_

Tsuzuki opened his eyes as the words registered in his brain, sinking slowly into his skin. That made him think of his student, Hisoka. The boy could actually be like December, cold and distant, but inside, what was he?

_  
This is my December.  
These are my snow-covered trees.  
This is me pretending.  
This is all I need.  
And I _

_Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed.  
And I  
Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that.  
And I_

_Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed.  
And I  
Take back all the things I said to you.  
_

Tsuzuki began to wonder if Hisoka ever hurt someone or if someone had hurt him. It didn't seem like he was the type to do so on purpose, but then again, humans always made mistakes. Had Hisoka ever done something painful to another? Or did another do it to him?

_  
And I give it all away…  
Just to have somewhere to go to…  
Give it all away…  
To have someone to come home to… _

This is my December.  
This is my time of the year.  
This is my December.  
This is all so clear.

_Give it all away…  
Just to have somewhere to go to…  
Give it all away…  
To have someone to come home to…_

_Give it all away…  
Just to have somewhere to go to…  
Give it all away…  
To have someone to come home to…_

Was this really how Hisoka felt? Did he really have no one in his life? The poor boy… Tsuzuki leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes again to try and stop the unshed tears that threatened to escape. Didn't he have a family or any friend? Was he all alone? Tsuzuki certainly hoped not, but he couldn't shake the feeling that it was true.

-X-

(Hisoka's P.O.V.)

I leaned against the base as I sat high in the branches of the Japanese maple tree. No one could ever see me up here even if they looked hard enough. I was grateful for the leaves. They concealed me well. My mind drifted to what had happened in class.

At first, I thought he was actually going to make me write about myself, in which I wouldn't just stood up and said, "Screw you." But then his suggestion of a list of songs was better than me writing about myself. Before I knew it, I was writing down my music collection. I had to cross out a few of the songs. I couldn't let anyone know I listened to that kind of music. Speaking of music…

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my small mp3 player. I had bought it a long time ago when I had raised enough money. It was small and could only hold so many songs, but it was a nice substitute for a CD player. However, I had to keep the CD player so I could transfer my music over, seeing as how I didn't have a computer. Not that I wanted one, anyway. A waste it would be.

I put the headphones into my ear and turned on the music player. A few seconds passed for I allowed myself a satisfied smile as I heard Linkin Park beginning to sing one of their more famous songs: Breaking the Habit. It was one of my favorites and listened to it when I was frustrated. I began to mouth the words of the song, moving my head back and forth slightly as my legs dangled over the branch, closing my eyes, relaxing against the tree, feeling the calming breeze hit my face.

_I don't want to be the one  
The battles always choose  
'Cause inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused _

I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So, I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight

I'll paint it on the walls  
'Cause I'm the one at fault  
I'll never fight again  
And this is how it ends

I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
But now I have some clarity  
to show you what I mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So, I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight.

I opened my eyes slowly as the song ended and looked up through the thick canopy of leaves to the blue sky overhead. As the next song started to play, _"Voyage"_ by Ayumi Hamasaki, I remembered the first poem I ever wrote: _"My Sanctuary"_.

Today, high up in my favorite tree, where the wind played with my hair, was like my sanctuary. It truly was. I loved nature from the very moment I was exposed to its beauty. Nature had become my sanctuary, my place to escape, my place to be myself, where no one knew how I felt, nor could anyone know see what I was like. I was different in my sanctuary, calmer, wiser, and more innocent.

_**bokutachi wa shiawase ni naru tame kono tabiji o yuku n da  
hora egao ga totemo niau**  
We travel this road to find happiness.  
See? You look good with a smile on your face.)**  
iro aseru koto naku yomigaeru hakanaku utsukushiki hibi yo  
(**These beautiful, fragile days are reborn, unfaded)**  
mabushii umi kogareta kisetsu mo  
yuki no maiorita kisetsu mo  
**(In the season of dazzling burned seas  
and in the season of dancing snowflakes)**  
itsu datte furimukeba anata ga ita**  
(whenever I turned around, you were there)_

"Whenever I turned around, you were there," I murmured, closing my eyes again. The song danced around my head, its true meaning always sinking into my skin. No one was ever there for me to turn around to. I suppose that was why I could make a good connection with the song's lyrics. Odd, considering the song made more of a connection for its relationship with people.

I didn't have a relationship with anyone and I don't want one, anyway. All promises would be broken, making its wound deeper than no promise at all and deception comes in all different ways. I didn't want to be in a relationship for anything. And not with anyone, I had decided.

-X-

Tsuzuki looked up _Finished Symphony_ by **Hybrid** before he realized the time. It was nearly five o clock p.m. He had spent the last few hours looking up the song, listening to each one at least twice before making a list of the music and checking each down. Every other paper lay untouched in its original stack. Tsuzuki put a check by _Finished Symphony_ before leaning back and listening to it.

It was an instrumental techno kind of song, where you have the orchestra doing a very well done job, and then it turned techno and dance-like before back to symphony with techno in background before the symphony really kicked it up again.

It was amazing that Hisoka had a wide taste, not something found with today's teenagers. Most teenagers these days would stay in one category of music give or take a few. But this: Soft rocks, normal rock, hard rock, instrumental, symphonic, techno, dance, Goth, choral chants, foreign, Gaelic (would fall under the category of foreign) and finally, Japanese. It was incredible. Tsuzuki had never even heard of this music and already, he loved it. He never knew what was out there, but now that he did, he craved for more. However, he didn't have time. He still had to grad everyone's papers. He thought he may as well listen to the music while grading them. It helps it go faster, anyway.

**A/N: Wow! this chapter is long and took such a long time. Man! Anyway, still in suspense, people! Review and cliffhangers will begin to disappear, I promise you. And if they don't, well then, smack me. But don't smack me for these past four chapters. I will NOT accept that. But please review anyway. Arigato and ja ne for now!**


	5. Barriers

**Warning: VERY long chapter. Thanks for waiting, though!**

Do You See Me?

Chapter Five-Barriers

Surprisingly, he had gotten through everyone's paper in an hour. There were some really good ones, but they were expected from his top students: Akira Tacha and Minase Hijiri. They were great writers and though each had other interests, Tsuzuki knew they could become skilled and wonderful writers one day.

He reached over and clicked the off button to stop playing _Sumiregusa_ by **Enya**. It was at that point in time that a certain scientist stumbled in the room, his owl 003 perched on his shoulder or rather, at this point, flying after her master. Tsuzuki looked up. "Hey, Watari!"

The scientist waved to Tsuzuki even though the man was sitting just a few meters away and let out a cheery response. "Hiya!"

Tsuzuki nodded and turned back to his computer to look for _Arms of the Angel_ by **Sarah McLachlan** on his iTunes again. He noticed Watari leaning over his shoulder with a confused expression on his face. "What are you doing, Tsuzuki?"

Tsuzuki looked at his friend, then sighed and turned back to the laptop. "I have a new student who hates me and doesn't want to tell me anything about himself."

Watari was still confused as he asked, "Then why are you looking up that song?"

Tsuzuki took ten minutes to who Hisoka was, what he, Tsuzuki, had done to make the teen angry, explain the assignment and the alternative, in which Hisoka had chosen, and finally, why he was looking up the boy's songs. After explaining, Watari sighed and nodded in understanding.

"Never knew a boy like that. You want to find out what seems to be bugging him?" the scientist asked.

Tsuzuki nodded, then grinned slightly. "He was the one who ignored your science session yesterday."

Watari's eyes widened. "That's him! That boy! Oh, wait till I get my hands on him! He didn't even crack the smallest of smiles when I deliberately blew myself up trying to get him to even look up!"

Tsuzuki's grin faded. "You blew yourself up trying to get him to smile? I'm rubbing off on you, 'Tari."

"Yeah, I suppose you are… but still, he didn't even look up. Something's definitely bugging him."

"Yeah, I noticed through his poetry," Tsuzuki muttered. He hadn't meant for Watari to hear that, but the scientist had and looked at Tsuzuki strangely. "Bon writes poetry? Is he any good?"

Tsuzuki snapped his head up and before he knew it, he was telling everything.

"He's excellent! He rhymes without trying and his words are so powerful, they hit you right here!" Tsuzuki patted where his heart was. "He's got enough skill to become a pro without breaking a sweat! I've never seen the likes of it! I would've read his entire notebook, but only got through three poems before he came back, looking for his notebook. Even when I placed it on a desk where it didn't look like I hadn't done a thing to it…"

Tsuzuki trailed off for a moment, and then continued. "He was able to tell I had read his notebook. He literally flipped and hasn't trusted me from that point on. In fact, I think he hates me."

Watari tapped his chin thoughtfully before turning to pet 003. Tsuzuki watched him before he asked, "Is it possible he's a psychic?"

Watari turned to face the amethyst eyed man, his own gold eyes set into thinking. "Possibly, but not likely… If he could tell you read his notebook… Hold on, did he ask you anything when he picked it up?"

Tsuzuki shook his head. "No, nothing."

Watari looked up at the plaster ceiling of the classroom, but before he spoke again. "Well, it seems he has an ability, although what it is exactly, I don't know. Did you feel anything when he looked at you, possibly a gentle touch at your mind or feelings?"

Tsuzuki was about to say no, but then thought about it. He had felt the intense gaze the boy gave him and he felt something—he wasn't sure what—touch his conscious. At least, he thought he had felt it. The touch had been soft, gentle, careful, and cautious, almost as if the slightest mistake could've hurt him. Tsuzuki stared at Watari before he answered the blonde.

"Yeah, I did feel something. It was more directed at my conscious, but I still felt it in my feelings," Tsuzuki stumbled over his words. "Gah, I'm not sure how to explain it."

'_But it was so careful and precise…'_ he thought to himself as he slouched down in his chair, looking up at the classroom ceiling. _'It was as if the touch was only meant to find something within me, not something to hurt me…'_

Watari's voice broke through his thoughts. "We may have an empath on our hands."

Tsuzuki sat up. "Empath?"

The scientist nodded. "An empath is a person who can sense or project emotions from others and can use the emotions to figure out what they're thinking about. Empathy, when used correctly, can also be used to synchronize with another to have them hear their own thoughts or feel their own emotions."

"That still doesn't explain why he's distant," Tsuzuki protested, not getting the point exactly. Watari shook his head. "No, you're not taking this in. An empath may choose to lock him or herself up inside so they won't experience pain or conflicting emotions. If Bon is an empath, as we may assume and could be correct about, then he's probably chosen to lock himself up with high mental barriers."

Tsuzuki leaned back in his chair again. "So, it's the barriers that keep him distant…"

Watari nodded again. 003 hooted and flew over to Tsuzuki, landing in his hand. The amethyst eyed teacher lightly pet the owl before she hooted again, flying back to Watari's shoulder. The scientist greeted 003 by allowing her to nibble affectionately on his finger. "Mental barriers can do that."

"So if I can get close to him and break down his barriers," Tsuzuki murmured aloud, but Watari shook his head. "It's not going to be that easy."

Tsuzuki looked at him. Watari sighed, tired of explaining things to his friend. "We don't know how long his barriers have been up and could take years to break down. It all depends on how long he's had them up, how long he's maintained them at one round about, and what his hidden feelings do to keep them up. In short, we have to be patient, observe him, and do it little by little without him actually realizing what we're doing. Or rather, what _you're_ doing."

"I'll do it, if it means understanding him more," Tsuzuki said quietly, but defiantly. Watari nodded in agreement and Tsuzuki leaned forward to his laptop again. He pressed the play button and soft sound of music filled the air.

_Spend all your time waiting for that second chance_

_For a break that would make it okay._

_There's always some reason to feel not good enough_

_And it's hard at the end of the day._

_I need some distraction, or beautiful release,_

_Memories seep through my veins._

_I may be empty, oh weightless and maybe_

_I'll find some peace tonight._

_In the arms of the angel,_

_Fly away from here._

_From this dark cold hotel room_

_And the endlessness that you fear._

_You were brought from the wreckage_

_Of your silent revere._

_You're in the arms of the angel,_

_May you find… some comfort here._

"Bon listens to this?" asked Watari, cocking his head slightly, ignoring 003's protests.

Tsuzuki shrugged. "It was on his list, so I guess so."

"Lemme see the list."

Tsuzuki did so and the turned back to the song.

_So tired of the straight line  
And everywhere you turn  
There's vultures and thieves at your back_

_And the storm keeps on twisting  
You keep on building the lie  
That you make up for all that you lack  
It don't make no difference  
Escaping one last time  
Its easier to believe in this sweet madness oh  
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees  
In the arms of an angel  
Fly away from here  
From this dark cold hotel room  
And the endlessness that you fear_

_You are brought from the wreckage  
Of your silent reverie  
You're in the arms of the angel  
May you find some comfort there  
You're in the arms of the angel  
May you find some comfort here…_

Tsuzuki was puzzled. This song didn't describe Hisoka well as far as he could see. More so, it seemed to describe he, himself. He felt a great connection with the song as it was sung and couldn't help but think of when he was a child. He was abused and picked on for having his purple eyes and was called "demonic". If Hisoka was an empath, then he could've sensed his sadness and probably knew what his past was.

Tsuzuki bit his lip and sighed, thinking about that possibility. It was likely, but he still hoped not. But then why had Hisoka put this song down? It certainly didn't relate to him as far as he could see. Or maybe it did. Perhaps Tsuzuki was just jumping to conclusions, yet the possibility still rang in his head.

"Mou, Tsuzuki!"

He felt someone shaking his shoulder and snapped out of his musings to look up, seeing Watari holding Hisoka's list of music, waving it in his face. "Did you hear what I just said?"

Tsuzuki shook his head and apologized, "Gomen ne, Watari. I was lost for a moment"

"Yeah, I gathered that," stated the scientist before sitting back down. "I've never seen such a wide variety of music from one person before."

Tsuzuki shook his head. "Me neither. I never thought it was possible."

"Well, from techno dance to rock to soft rock to instrumentals and symphonies," Watari said. "He's interesting. Perhaps tomorrow I can meet him face to face, ne?"

Tsuzuki shrugged. "Ask him, not me. Seems like a good idea as long as you don't' ask him about his poetry, cause he may think I told you everything he wrote."

"I won't ask him about that. I'll ask him if he would recommend any music for me."

"Odd question, he may get suspicious," Tsuzuki said, shaking his head again. Watari shrugged. "It's as good as any. Then I can take that question and turn it into different questions. I just have to make sure to keep my mental barriers up."

Tsuzuki nodded. "I'll figure out a way to tear down his own barriers, so I can understand him more. I just hope he doesn't catch on and think we're trying to hurt him"

"With empaths, it's hard to know for sure what the best course of action is," Watari commented.

"But I suppose there isn't a better plan," Tsuzuki replied.

"Doesn't seem like there is, does it?"

"Call Tsubaki. See if she's still around."


	6. Meeting

Do You See Me?

Chapter Six- Meeting Gone Wrong

------------ (Hisoka's P.O.V) ------------

"Hisoka-san?" asked a voice.

I looked down at the voice from my low branch. It was Tsubaki, a girl who lived near where I did. I had known her for a while and she liked me a lot. My empathy told her it was more than just friendship, but I didn't feel that way exactly to her.

I hopped down from my branch to stand in front of her. She looked nicer today. She was dressed in one of her dresses, just like every other day, but this one clung to her skin more than her others, tinted a deep shade of blue and she had a flower in the middle at the top. I mentally smacked myself for describing her. Now I sounded gay.

There was something in her aura that seemed sad, though and although she gave me a smile, her emotions blazed with regret, guilt, and grief. What had caused this, I wonder. She walked to me and said, "I thought I'd find you here."

I sighed and nodded. "Do you need something, Tsubaki?"

She smiled at me again, but it was all fake. She couldn't fool me, ever. She then nodded towards the line of apartments and said, "Someone asked me to come and look for you."

Someone was looking for me? Who? I raised an eyebrow and asked the question that came to mind. Tsubaki shrugged. "He just told me to find you, if I could, cause we were talking about my homework status and he asked for me to look for you."

I inwardly groaned, but also sighed in relief. HE wasn't after me; it was only Tsuzuki-sensei. Thank whatever god had power in the heavens. I nodded and said, "I'll go see him."

Tsubaki smiled again, and then nodded, putting her hands behind her back. I reached up and unhooked my book bag strap from the tree's branch before I began to walk away, back towards the school, despite how much I didn't want to.

"Ne, Hisoka-san?" Tsubaki's timid voice sounded out behind me. I turned at an angle, looking at her as I put my book bag above my shoulder, holding my wrist upward to show off to the sky. "Something bothering you, Tsubaki?"

She turned a faint shade of pink as I asked her this and I couldn't help but inwardly roll my eyes. She smiled a bit to me before she bucked up the courage to force out her question.

"It's close to Fall Break, and I was just wondering if you'd like to, you know, hang around with me?"

Great. This was a big step into something I didn't want, but I also didn't want to hurt her. I shrugged and replied, "Probably. I don't have any other plans. I'll think about it."

Tsubaki smiled a true smile and her emotions blazed with hope, but underneath it all held her same grief and longing. I didn't feel comfortable around her at the moment, at least, not anymore. I turned around and walked back to the school, trying to ignore the feeling of her eyes on my back. I finally turned a corner and felt calmer as I spotted the high school come into view.

I sighed as I walked up the steps, opening the entrance door, ignoring the stare I got from one of my classmates, Hijiri, but then he spoke to me.

"Ne, Hisoka-san? Where are you going?"

"Someone wants to see me," I deadpanned, already getting annoyed. It was bad enough that Hijiri looked like me, but when I talked to him, he seemed to be so innocent, opposite of me. I was jaded. I wasn't worth as much as everyone else. I wasn't worth anything.

"You mean Tsuzuki-sensei?" he asked me, shifting his English textbook to his other arm. I gave a brief nod before I turned to head to the said teacher's classroom, but was stopped when a hand caught my wrist. I spun around again, looking into green eyes, ones exactly like mine. I allowed my eyes to darken into a glare, but the twined eyes kept a steady level on me. Literally.

I stiffened and wrenched my wrist free, letting my glare darken. Hijiri blinked and then sighed before he said, "Tsuzuki-sensei cares for everyone, even people who don't seem to like being around him. That goes for you, too. Don't be so harsh on him. He only wishes to help."

I gaped at him. Since when did he know what had been going? Sheesh, smart ass kid. It's no wonder he stays after school for extra violin practice and higher level classes. Hijiri seemed to know that I heard his words and he walked out the doors, glancing back not once. I huffed another sigh of the day and turned back around, walking towards my classroom, U508.

As soon as I reached the door, I stopped; making sure my breathing was level, even and barely heard before stretching out my empathy, I closed my eyes. Tsuzuki-sensei was the only one in the room. Currently, he was sitting as his desk, typing on his laptop. A soft sound of a flute could be heard form the other side of the door, coming from the very laptop. I couldn't find anything in his mind related to why he wanted to see me. It could be the fact he now had mental shields up. Then again, he probably would by now, catching on to my ability.

Opening my eyes, I reached out, turned the knob and opened the door, stepping inside the deserted classroom. Tsuzuki-sensei looked up form his computer, giving me a small smile. "Kurosaki-kun, glad you could come."

I shrugged and walked over, sitting on one of the desks, crossing my arms, facing my teacher. He folded his hands together and looked at me before sighing. "Hisoka, I wanted to apologize."

I blinked. Apologize for what exactly? Invading my privacy? Allowing me to get treated horribly by classmates? Calling me here now?

"I wanted to apologize for yesterday and also for today. I know that you're not an open student and I'm sorry for trying to use your writings to figure out what's going on. So… I'm sorry.

I blinked again. He was actually sorry? I stretched out y powers, probing his mind gently. It was the truth. He was feeling guilty, but honest. I sighed and nodded, telling him I accepted the apology. He gave me a small sad smile before he thanks me. I glanced out the window for a moment before Tsuzuki-sensei began speaking to me again.

"Also, today the writing assignment, I looked over your music, Hisoka."

I turned back to him, raising an eyebrow. "And? Did I do something wrong?"

Tsuzuki-sensei shook his head quickly. "No, no, no, nothing like that, Hisoka. I was just wondering something…"

"Everyone wonders something. Spit yours out."

Tsuzuki sighed. I sensed his patience. I never knew he had that much for me. But it wasn't going to save him from my wrath if he did something to me, hell if he did ANYTHING to me. He looked up at me, his purple eyes clashing with my green ones. I cringed slightly.

The shining, slightly glazed amethyst eyes were set into a veiled sadness that lay deep within a grieved mind of darkness, hidden memories threatening to escape, but not willed by the owner of such, loneliness creeping around in the corners as the aura of the mind seemed to recoil back deep within, not wanting to be revealed to anything, frightened by its own existence and hiding as though being seen would bring pain to anyone who looks upon it.

Then, in a fraction of a second, it was gone, replaced with closed eyelids and a sigh from my teacher, who sat back and continued, "I was wondering whether you'd tell me how you relate to this one."

He handed me my list back. No, it wasn't my list. It was a copy he had handwritten himself and one song title was circle. My eyes widened. _Arms of the Angel_ by **Sarah McLachlan**. He was still able to read it, even when I crossed it out! Shit…

"I was wondering how you could relate to that song," my teacher repeated, as he had seemingly noticed that I had frozen up. I looked over the paper and shook my head, replying, "I can't. I just wrote it down. It's just a random song I listen to, nothing more."

I put the paper back down on his desk. He took it back, but then laced his fingers together again. "Hisoka, the assignment was to write down songs that we could relate to as an alternative for the assignment you would've had to do. And for some reason, I don't think that song relates to you, so I ask you again; if it does, can you explain it?"

I shook my head. "It doesn't relate to me, idiot."

"I just thought I'd ask. You may go," my teacher said almost immediately. I stared at his averted eyes before I picked up my book bag and headed back out the door. I put my hand on the doorknob and was about to turn it to go out, but something…. just did not seem quite right.

I snapped my head up, sensing a dark presence, and whirled around, looking out the window, seeing the same birds from earlier, staring at me. I glared at them hard until one of them flew off. Tsuzuki-sensei watched me before looking out the window where I was looking, clearly not understanding what I was doing.

I shrugged it off before opening the door and stepping out, slinging my book bag comfortably to sit on my shoulder. I sighed, walking out of the school and towards my house. I didn't want HIM to find me. He seems to already have found me. As long as I keep my distance, everything will be fine… no one will get hurt. No one.


	7. Trouble

**SPOILER ALERT: Spoilers for Queen Camellia! I repeat, spoilers for Queen Camellia! You have been warned!**

**A/N: I decided to skip ahead in the story to Fall Break in school. So far, nothing has happened yet, but a shock shall come in this chapter. Read carefully.**

Do You See Me?

Chapter Seven

The night was crisp and cool, marking the end of September and entering October. School had left for fall break and many of the kids were out at night, at parties or movies. Tsuzuki didn't join his students and, he noticed, neither did Hisoka. The youth had seemingly vanished for break, because Tsuzuki didn't see him at all the first few days of the vacation. It was odd. He thought Hisoka would be out with some of the class, but he wasn't. So strange. And on top of that, he still didn't know where the boy's family was, nor his home location.

Tsuzuki was out at this time, taking a nighttime stroll to clear his head. He did it often and liked to watch the grey clouds roll across the inky blue sky as the specks called stars twinkled. It was actually the last night of fall vacation and he intended to spend it well. He felt drawn towards the small, secluded park. He didn't normally go to a park and stay there, but something drew him tonight. It was as though he NEEDED to go there, although he didn't know why. So he went to the park and walked around on the pathway, looking at all the trees. They weren't sakura trees, they were Japanese maples and what beautiful trees they were.

Tsuzuki stopped as he saw a small figure under on of them, head down in the shadows, his features unrecognizable. Tsuzuki walked over to the person, fearing that they would possibly get sick, because it was cold and they had no coat. It wasn't until he got within five feet did he recognize who it was.

Even with his head down and fists clenched tightly, anyone who knew him could identify Hisoka at the time. He was in a pair of faded jeans with an orange shirt and he wore a small amethyst stone around his neck on a silver chain, which Tsuzuki had never seen before. The boy's shoulders were shaking with sobs and streams fell down his pale face.

Tsuzuki reached out and lightly touched his shoulder, causing him to flinch, just like he had the first done on the first day of school. He looked up with fear clear in his emerald eyes as more tears came.

"Hisoka, are you all right?" Tsuzuki asked, kneeling down to the boy's level. He looked at the boy's clenched fists and saw some liquid seep out of them, but it was too dark to tell what it was, as a cloud rolled in front of the bright silver moon. Tsuzuki reached down and took one of the boy's hands in his own; forcing it open without much difficulty, just as the cloud flew away, shining its white light on them under the tree.

Hisoka's hand was covered in blood, as though his hand had been cut deep, but Tsuzuki could not make out any form of wound on the bloody hand. "Hisoka, what happened? Did you hurt yourself?"

The boy shook his head and looked away, choking back a sob and biting his lip. If the boy didn't hurt himself, then where had the blood come from? What in the world was going on? Tsuzuki looked at the slightly shaking youth, trying to figure out what was running through his mind, but failing terribly. "Hisoka, tell me what happened, please."

Hisoka, still looking down, uttered out, "S-she want me to k-kill her."

Tsuzuki looked up. "What? Who did?"

"T-Tsubaki. S-she gave me the gun a-and told me t-to shoot her. My hands were shaking s-so much, I… I pulled…"

The boy couldn't finish as he broke down crying. Tsuzuki took the crying teen into his arms and gently rocked him back and forth, whispering soothing things into his ear as the boy clung to him tightly, bloodied hands gripping his sleeves like a lifeline. Tsuzuki closed his eyes, which were stinging with his own tears.

Tsubaki, as everyone knew, had been depressed lately and recently suicidal. She must've not been able to do it herself and made Hisoka do it for her. The poor boy… and he actually liked her, too, as Tsuzuki found out. Tsubaki had liked Hisoka as well, but she must have just lost it. And for Hisoka to kill her, Tsuzuki couldn't even imagine how hard it must have been for him to realize he had been the one to pull the trigger.

For how long, Tsuzuki didn't know, he held the frightened boy until his sobbing began to quiet down and his shoulders ceased their shaking. He still clung to the older tightly, but Tsuzuki wasn't concerned with that. This fall break for Hisoka must've been terrible. He felt bad for the youth, whom he soon realized had cried himself to sleep. His grip loosened only slightly.

Tsuzuki picked the teen up and held him in his arms. He didn't know where Hisoka lived, so he'd take the boy back to his house. God knows he needed the rest. Making sure not awaken the boy, he hurried home, relieved to not have run into anyone on the way. He entered his house and went up into the unused guestroom, laying the tired youth on the bed, pulling the covers up to his neck.

Tsuzuki sat on the end of the bed, watching his student sleep more calmly, chest rising and falling with even breaths. He seemed so innocent, yet jaded. Angelic, but so cold. Tsuzuki checked the time, realizing it was eleven p.m. and the news should be on. He closed the guest bedroom door, pausing only once to make sure the boy was okay. Seeing he was, he left quietly and went downstairs, turning on the T.V. The news reporter was just telling a story.

"There were no eye witnesses, nor was there evidence that it was indeed a homicide, but there was still a chance Kakyoin Tsubaki murdered. Police say the gun was wiped and only Tsubaki's fingerprints were on it, as it was found in her hands, her blood was smeared slightly on her back, as though someone had tried to shake her awake, but there isn't enough to make out who it was. Some say it was suicide, but others are skeptic. More on this tomorrow morning at seven. Now, back to you Jane."

Tsuzuki shut off the T.V. Hisoka wasn't lying. The blood smeared on Tsubaki's back was probably how he got blood on his hands and he wiped the gun afterwards and put it in her hands to signal the suicide attempt, which it was, just done with two people.

Tsuzuki leaned back in his chair, mulling things over. _'Not enough evidence to get a decent fingerprint from… Thank God. Then Hisoka's safe…'_

**-X-**

"**Please just shoot me, Hisoka," Tsubaki said as she placed the gun in the boy' s hands. The youth stared at the gun in shock before looking up at Tsubaki, who was smiling sadly at him. **

"**Tsubaki, I can't," Hisoka replied, his hands shaking slightly. Tsubaki shook her head and whispered, "You have to. I don't want to live anymore. Please, do it for me."**

"**I…"**

"**Please!"**

**Hisoka, his hands shaking violently, brought up the gun and aiming a bit off, not intending on actually shooting her. He hesitated, waiting for Tsubaki to change her mind. When she didn't and closed her eyes calmly instead, Hisoka's finger jerked in his surprise, pulling the trigger along with it. The gunshot thundered in the room and Tsubaki's limp form fell to the ground.**

"**Tsubaki!"**

**-X-**

Hisoka sat up abruptly, panting hard as he recalled what he had done to his only friend. He clenched the bed sheets in his anger at himself and felt another tear fall down his cheek. This was going to haunt him for a long time. It was only then that Hisoka realized he was in a bed, in someone's house, definitely not his own. It was a guest room, he soon realized. But where was he?

He remembered last night, when Tsuzuki had found him in that park and asked him if he was all right. And he had comforted him to the best of his ability. But why? Why would such a person like him care so much?

Hisoka checked the time. Ten a.m. _'Crap, I'm late!'_

He climbed out of the bed and walked over to the closed door, surprised to find a note. It was from Tsuzuki.

_Hisoka-_

_I decided to leave you at my house to rest after what had happened last night. Your absence at school today will be excused and please don't leave my house until I get back to check up on you. Until then, make yourself comfortable and if you need anything, I have my cell on. See you after school._

_-Tsuzuki_

_P.S. Don't worry about what happened. Just try and relax. You're not in trouble at all. I promise._

He wasn't in trouble? He wasn't going to go to jail or anything? Nothing? Hisoka gaped at the note as re-read it at least three more times before his eyes grew warm again. Why was his teacher protecting him? He had only known him for the beginning of the school year and Hisoka had barely told Tsuzuki anything about himself.

Hisoka's eyes widened. Was Tsuzuki hoping to gain something out of this for protecting him? Hisoka hoped not, if it was anything excessive. But it wouldn't make sense if Tsuzuki was doing it for nothing. Why do it? And why for him? He had done nothing but bring his teacher sadness since the first day he was noticed.

"_Make yourself comfortable,"_ the note read. Hisoka shrugged to himself and walked back to the bed, looking out the window, sitting cross-legged Indian style, hands (which he noticed were clean) open on his lap as a bird flew by. He had nothing to do, so he might as well enjoy the scenery out the window. It was a good view, anyway.

-X-

Tsuzuki watched the clock as the class took the test he had assigned for English. Man, could that clock go any slower? The amethyst eyed man was inwardly getting jittery. He couldn't wait until the bell rang at the end of the school day and he could go home and check up on Hisoka. Hopefully, the boy wasn't doing anything stupid or running about, but then again, Tsuzuki couldn't see the boy acting like that after what had happened last night. Tsuzuki let out a sigh of frustration as the clock still had an hour to go. Only one more hour and then Tsuzuki was free.

Who said teachers loved to be in school?

**

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**A/N: Fear not, people! This is picking up the pace of a few things and I am sorry if this makes no sense in revelation to my other previous chapters. Gomen nasai. I know this was somewhat rushed. Feedback is always appreciated. Arigato and ja ne for now!**

**Saphira Nakare Ruakara**


	8. Stone

Do You See Me?

Chapter Eight- Stone

Hisoka heard the front door open and held his breath, listening as someone walked into the house, closing the door quietly behind them and dropping a bag by the door. The jingle of keys against granite signified that whoever had just walked in also dumped their keys on the kitchen counter. Foot steps were heard walking up the stairs and a knock came at the door. He guessed that his teacher had just gotten home. He checked the time quickly. It was 2:46 p.m. No wonder, then. He had been staring out the window for hours. Man, could he get any stranger?

"Come in," he said after a moment of thought, causing the door to open slightly before swinging open all the way, confirming his suspicions. Tsuzuki stood in the doorway, coat in his arms. He hadn't hung it up. He smiled at the youth sitting on the bed Indian style before he asked, "How are you feeling?"

Even a question as simple as that caught Hisoka off guard and he looked back out the window before murmuring, "Fine," even though it was clear he wasn't. He then felt a hand on his shoulder and he cringed, expecting something harsh, but whatever he was expecting never came. The hand on his shoulder gave a gentle squeeze and he heard his high school teacher speak softly.

"I know what you did will weigh heavily for some time, so I already know you're not okay, and you can't tell me otherwise."

The youth didn't look up, but merely looked down, not moving his head to show any indication that he had heard the words the elder spoke. He heard a sigh and the bed dipped slightly as his teacher sat down next to him, his hand never leaving the teen's shoulder.

"Listen, I know you're not going to be yourself for a while, but know I'm here, if you need anything. But I also want to know more about you and only you can tell me. I want to know about you from you, if you'll tell me and let me listen."

"Why do you care so much?" the teen asked, tears stinging his emerald eyes, finally looking up to stare into the purple eyes of the older man. "Why do you want to help me? I'm just a stranger! Why…?"

"Well, why not?" asked Tsuzuki, looking at Hisoka carefully. "Why would I _NOT_ want to?"

"Because I… I'm a demon…"

Tsuzuki stared at the boy. "What do you mean by that?"

"What do you think I mean!" Hisoka slapped the hand off his shoulder. "How can you not understand that! I'm a demon!"

Tsuzuki shook his head. "Impossible."

"What?" Hisoka's eyes narrowed in confusion as Tsuzuki sighed before running a hand through his brown hair. Purple clashed with green as Tsuzuki asked, "How can you be a demon? Look, no fangs, no claws, no black wings, no killer intent."

Hisoka looked down. "I killed Tsubaki."

"But you didn't want to in the first place. Look…"

Tsuzuki, feeling bold and forgetting about his plan of being patient with the boy, wrapped his arm around the boy's small shoulders and a put a hand under his chin to lift his head up to look straight into his eyes, unblinkingly. He looked at the contours of the boy's face, eyes moving down his jaw line and across his cheek and stopping at his dusty, pink and slightly parted lips. The boy didn't move, except for his body tensing up and his eyes growing wide at the movement.

Tsuzuki lifted his finger and traced the boy's upper lip, eyes watching and waiting for the sharp reaction he knew he was going to get. Hisoka pushed him away as roughly as he could, which caused the arms holding him to release the boy and he sat back, trembling on the bed, staring at his teacher with wild, wide eyes. Tsuzuki wasn't fazed as much as he thought he was going to be and instead simply looked at Hisoka and said, "You seem human to me, Hisoka. You don't look or act like a demon from what I can see."

The boy glared and practically shouted, "But that's just you! You're not everyone else! You're not '_him'_!"

"I'm not who, Hisoka?" asked the older man, watching the boy carefully. The teen blinked, as though he didn't know what he said before he shook his head slightly. "Never mind… It doesn't matter… I shouldn't have troubled you. I'll just go."

He made a move to leave, getting as far as a few steps before Tsuzuki caught his wrist. "Wait, Hisoka."

"What do you want?" the youth asked, ashen bangs flying in front of his emerald eyes. "Haven't you done enough? Just leave me be! My problems aren't yours!"

Tsuzuki sighed, slowly releasing Hisoka's wrist, much to the teen's surprise. "Hisoka, why can't you just let me help you?"

"I don't need help! You're just being an idiot! You don't know what you're talking about!" Hisoka ran out the door, grabbing his jean jacket on the way, never once looking back. Tsuzuki groaned in frustration. He might have just blown his chance of getting Hisoka's trust in him, something he, Tsuzuki, needed in order to break down the barriers around the boy's emotions.

Tsuzuki blinked as a clattering sound reached his ears and he looked on the wooden floor, seeing an amethyst stone on a silver chain. It was the necklace Hisoka had been wearing the night before. He reached down and gently picked it up, holding it between his fingers. It was smooth and it caught light, refracting it outwards, creating somewhat of a purple shadow behind it. The chain had snapped on the boys rush to get out. It looked repairable. Perhaps when he returned it to his student, he may get another chance.

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**A/N: Hmm, Tsuzuki has a plan somewhere in that head of his. And what EXACTLY is Hisoka hiding? Feedback is appreciated. Arigato and ja ne for now!**

**Saphira Nakare Ruakara**

**P.S. I apologize for the short chapter. Had a secret someone bugging me to update. **


	9. Repaired

**A/N: In apology for my last short chapter, I decided to make this one longer. Enjoy.**

Do You See Me?

Chapter Nine- Repaired

(Hisoka's P.O.V.)

I sighed, blending into the crowd of students going into the high school. What was Tsuzuki-sensei's problem? He kept saying he wanted to help, but why would anyone want to help me? I was useless, not worthy of such care. It was probably another trick as well. I couldn't let anyone take advantage of me. Never again.

I walked into my classroom on time instead of early, mixing myself in with my classmates in hopes of not being seen by my teacher. I did not really want to talk to him, especially not after last night. I noticed that there were a few kids around my desk. I raised an eyebrow, confused as to why they find my seat so interesting. As I walked over to my place, the other teens parted to let me pass and I stopped, looking down at my desk. On it, there was a sealed envelope with some decent handwriting, spelling out my name.

I reached down and picked it up, feeling something at the bottom of the envelope, something hard; turning it over to the back, I saw it was sealed with a small forest green sticker. Taking my pencil, I used it to slip through the sticker, allowing it to pop loose without tearing the envelope completely. Inside was the hard something underneath a note. I sighed and closed it back up, deciding to read the note in private when there was nobody around.

Someone made a grab for the letter, but I snapped my hand back, slipping the envelope into my pocket while I used my other hand to grab the person's wrist, setting my eyes into a glare as they met cold teal. It was Taiji, whom I could not help but loathe. He would not ever leave me alone, ever since the first day of school.

"Taiji," I said to him bitterly. He glared back at me and, with as much loathing in his voice as mine did, said, "Kurosaki."

I let go of his wrist and crossed my arms. "What do you want?"

He smirked at me. "Who's your girlfriend? I bet she's a slob who doesn't know better, or better yet, like that slut Tsubaki."

My glaring eyes darkened a shade and anger began to bubble within me. "You don't know shit, so don't say shit."

"Oh, so it's true? You like Tsubaki? Sorry to break it to you, but she's dead. But then again, I don't think you cared for her at all, at least, not how she saw you," Taiji continued, acting as if he was so superior to me. My arms fell to my sides and my hands clenched into hard fists, my nails digging into my palms, going through the skin, causing a warm liquid to gather in my palm base.

"In fact, I bet you're the one who shot her. I don't' think it was suicide at all! You shot her didn't you?" Taiji pointed his finger at me. I shook my head, fighting the urge to smack the daylights out of my classmate.

Taiji laughed. "Oh, I bet you did and just haven't come to realize it. I bet that's why you were absent yesterday! You shot her and then used all day yesterday to clean up the evidence on you! And you want to know something? I can't believe she saw good in you. Ha! I'm looking at you now and I don't see anything but an anti-social freak!"

I flinched and almost snapped, my nails digging more into my skin, causing the blood in my palms to drip through my fingers, hitting the floor, but I didn't notice it. My bangs shadowed my eyes as they glared up through them to meet Taiji's amusement-filled eyes as he stood triumphantly and smugly before me.

"Aww, did I hurt your feelings? Do you need some cheering up for your dead girlfriend?" Taiji was taunting me. I wasn't going to take this laying down. I allowed myself to snap.

With my fast reflexes, I lashed out and smacked Taiji as hard as I could across the cheek. I didn't count of my sheer force of strength causing him to fly back a few feet and crash into his own desk. Many of my classmates gasped and when I looked at Taiji again, he had a bloody handprint in the shape of my hand across his cheek.

My classmate held his burning cheek for a moment, then growled and got up, running at me. I put my left foot behind my right in a familiar kendo stance and aimed my fist. If he was going to come at me, he was going to have to get past my strength in order to do it. He came closer to me and I launched my fist straight at him.

A hand caught my fist. Blinking in shock, I looked up to see Tsuzuki holding my wrist as someone random from my class held back Taiji. My eyes lost some of their glare, but I could not help but feel some anger pointed at Tsuzuki-sensei. I really wanted to hit Taiji for what he said to me. He couldn't get away with that. Was Tsuzuki-sensei even in the room while we were fighting?

Tsuzuki shook his head slightly and calmly before he said to me, "There will be no fighting in class. If you need to do so, take it outside after school, please. Kurosaki-san, please go to Watari in the infirmary to get your hands cleaned."

It was then that I noticed my hands were practically caked in my own blood. I let out a small, barely audible sigh before I nodded, which gave a signal to my teacher to let go of my hand. I straightened and walked out the door, grabbing the hall pas on my way, hearing just a bit of what Tsuzuki-sensei was saying to Taiji, "I am disappointed in you. You may have to stay after school every day of the year if you keep this up…"

I sighed again and walked downstairs, towards the office. After talking with the woman at the desk for a few brief moments, I was led back into the infirmary room, where I noticed a familiar looking scientist tutting and bustling around, helping a student whom I didn't recognize around on his feet, as though he were an infant that didn't know how to walk yet. I watched for a second or two as Watari led the boy over to sit down in a wheelchair with a satisfied grin on his face.

"Well you're improving a lot. Getting more used to your legs, ne?" he asked the teen, who nodded and leaned back into the seat of the wheelchair. The golden haired man stood up and turned around, his honey eyes locking on me. He seemed confused for a moment, then he seemed to recognize me and his mental shields went up at once. Did he know…?

"Ah. Do you need something?" he asked me. I looked down at my bloodied hands without saying a word. He then walked over to me and took one of my hands, examining it for a minute or two and then led me to a sink where I would wash my hands. He told me to roll up my sleeves and I was about to oblige before I remembered what was on my right arm. I shook my head and decided that my school uniform sleeves weren't that important.

"Bon, you need to roll up your sleeves. If you get the uniform too wet, you'll need to get a new and they're more expensive the second time around," Watari said to me. I cursed in my head. Shit… Sighing, the scientist took one of my arms, my right one (much to my misfortune) and slid up the sleeve to my elbow. He blinked as he saw the slightly dirty bandages on my right arm, crossing over only once and tied loosely. He blinked again before looking up at me. "Bon, what happened to your arm?"

I shook my head and tried to pull my arm back, but he held it in a tight grip. I could feel both his stare and the stare from the kid in the wheelchair and right now, all I wanted to do was disappear, vanish from their sights. Watari sighed and released my hand, gesturing me to wash my hands as he walked over to the boy in the wheelchair, filling out a sheet of paper on a clipboard.

I turned on the faucet and flinched as the cold water stung my small wounds in my palm, but all the same, I washed away my blood, but ignored Watari's request to wash my right arm as well. I'll just do that after school today. Wish he would quit talking about it. It's not something I want to talk about right now and not here, and especially not with him.

I dried my hands and slid my sleeves back down. Watari then wrapped up the wounds quickly and tightly with fresh bandages, tying them as small as possible. He then took my right arm, forcing my sleeve up again. I didn't exactly mean it, but a low growl escaped my throat. He then began to undo the bandages on my right arm. I soon realized he was defiant and wasn't going to let me go, so I let him do what he was doing, ignoring his voice as he said to me, "I'm just going to check this over, make sure it's fine, whatever it is, and then re-wrap it in fresh bandages. You should know that you have to replace these bandages every time they get dirty or bloody or…"

I zoned him out, not wanting to hear him drone on and on about how to take care of myself. I've survived this long, haven't I? I do not need some scientist nagging on about what to do if I get hurt. Watari's gasp knocked me out of my zoned out trance and I looked up, seeing him gaping at my arm. It was as though he had never seen a cut from the middle of my arm back to the elbow. It wasn't anything new to me. But I tried not to think about it. It brought back bad memories, some of which I knew I could never forget, but I still tried.

"Bon, this cut is infected," Watari exclaimed. I rolled my eyes. Not like it made a difference. I cringed and hissed as a burning liquid was put on my cut. "Hold still, I'm just putting some alcohol on it to clean it and make sure it doesn't get infected any further."

He wiped my entire arm in the stuff before he was satisfied and dried my arm. I looked down at it, my eyes scanning it from a point near my wrist up to my elbow, which was the entire length of the scar. I didn't have long to examine it now, as the genki pulled my arm back and wrapped it again in fresh bandages, closing it off at my elbow. He leaned back in his chair as I pulled my sleeve back down for the third time, getting ready to leave.

"Hold on, Bon. I'd like to ask you a few questions."

I sighed, exasperated, then turned around to face him as I decide to sit in a chair across from him, folding my arms. Honestly, I was not in the mood for this. He took out a clipboard and pen before looking up at me.

"Kurosaki Hisoka, am I right?" he asked me. I nodded mutely. He wrote that down. What was he doing?

"This won't take long and I'm sure you'd rather get back to class, so I'm just going to ask a few things, starting with your arm," he said in one long stream. I glared at him, shaking my head.

"There's nothing important about it and you should know I won't talk about it by now, idiot," was my remark. He didn't seem fazed by this, however. I couldn't get a good read on his emotions, as he was shielding himself, which made it harder for me to know what he was thinking.

"Listen, a school day lasts almost seven hours and we can sit here all day and not say a thing if you'd prefer," the scientist said to me, pen and clipboard abandoned.

"Well, I'd rather you not be my psychologist, either," I shot back. "And I sure as hell don't want to be here all day staring at you or hell, not be in this damn place anyway."

"You do realize I'm trying to help you."

"Not working and whoever said I needed it? You don't even know what you're talking about."

"I know enough to realize your empathy."

That caught me off guard. He knew? Since when? I stared at him. He sighed and grabbed his clipboard again. I watched his every movement with my hawk-like eyes, making sure he wouldn't pull anything on me.

"How did you know I was an empath?" I asked him angrily, leaning back in my chair, putting on leg on top of the other. He looked up at me and for a moment, his barriers cracked, revealing a deep sadness I didn't think he could possibly have with his grin. Flashes of visions sparkled through my eyes and mind, causing me to let out a shuddering gasp. The sheer intensity of seeing image after image of himself helping others with abilities like mine was almost too much to take. I began to sway, my head reeling, but he then put his barriers back up again quickly as possible.

I leveled out my breathing and felt the genki's hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry to do that, but I needed to show you what I've done with other who have your abilities. Or at least, an ability similar to yours."

I stared at him before I sat back again, recovering smoothly. I sighed and nodded, showing him I understood. However, I didn't think I understood as much as I was supposed to.

"If I tell you what I've done for the past few years with people like you, will you answer the few questions I have for you?" he asked me.

I considered it for a moment before I realized it was a fair trade, well on my part, anyway. I nodded. SO it was then that Watari began.


	10. Crystal Tear

Do You See Me?

Chapter Ten- Crystal Tear

(Hisoka's P.O.V.)

Watari sighed once before he began.

"I was once young as you are now, seeing others as though they were distant, but I still made by with few friends. I graduated from high school, attended college and then moved up from there. I went to medical school for one year and took extra physical science classes. It was then that I was baffled by the existence of telepaths, empaths, sensitives, and psychics. Those are the only four abilities one person could have if they are gifted and trained enough to manipulate their abilities if they so please. I began to study one of them who was proud to help to my science, yet no science problem, calculation, or logical explanation could tell me why these powers sprang out from the most random of people. I began to study from what I'd read in mythology books, legends, tales, and perhaps a true biography. It was then that my science began to make sense and even some of the math problems we have today could be naturally wrong, if they correspond with bearers of abilities such as yours."

I watched the scientist and began to relax as his explanation began to make sense. So he could actually tell because of studying and past experiences. But one experiment on one person did not seem to make sense. He couldn't call himself a scientist if he didn't do multiple trials on ANY test.

"As I learned more," Watari went on, "I studied more people with abilities in my area of where I used to live, which was Kyoto, close to where I was raised in Osaka. Fortunately for me, Osaka and Kyoto both had quite a few groups of all four categories and thus, I could study them all, see their differences, and because they were all different ages, from four to seventeen, told me about how powerful they could be depending on age and experience. Most of them, however, had little help with their powers, but some of them who were older and had their powers more developed, it made them more difficult to teach as their abilities were developing quickly without training."

"So that's how you were able to tell," I interjected. "Because of how high my barriers were, how I managed to be able to read minds."

Watari nodded. "That is generally the idea. In addition, you were able to tell things by detecting spiritual trace residue on items. That's more than proof enough."

I nodded absently. He understood better than I thought. But had he told Tsuzuki-sensei? I stared at him and probed his mind. His barriers had been slightly down, but now they slammed up full force. He was definitely hiding what I wanted to know.

"If you truly must know," he said to me. "I told him only what I thought. I wasn't sure on the matter, considering that an empath here is now rare."

"So he doesn't exactly know, but he assumes you're correct?" I asked, already knowing the answer. A nod was his reply and I sighed, unfolding my arms and glancing at the clock. It read 10:27 a.m. I really needed to get back to class. Already, I was going to fall behind in History and soon, we were going to go on to Math.

I stood up, but Watari's hand caught my wrist. I stared at him with hard eyes. He shook his head and said, "We're not done, Bon. You need to keep your end of the deal."

Remembering that, I sat back down without a word, still staring at the scientist. Sighing once more, I closed my eyes and said curtly, "Let me say this loud and clear. I will not answer anything you want to know about my past directly and if you have the nerve to delve deeper into my mind that I will allow, your face will meet the pavement. Clear?"

To my utter surprise, he nodded, only slightly fazed by my words. "Crystal."

I leaned back in the chair again and waited for his first question. It came at me after he had readjusted his clipboard on his leg, pen at the ready. "Your empathy will be for starters. When did you first realize it? At a young age or fairly recently?"

"Younger, when I was four," I said, grimacing as a painful memory flashed in front of my eyes. "I built up my barriers then."

"Hmm, then that answers my next question," he said, jotting down on the clipboard. Scanning it, he then asked me, "Have any past experiences caused your empathy to run wild?"

I blinked. "Run wild?"

"Out of control. You could not control how much you felt around you. If anything like that has happened, then I urge you to tell me what it was," he answered, glancing up at me over his glasses.

I shook my head. "Nothing that I recall."

"Hmm, interesting. Well then, have there been any times where your empathy has caused you to have any breakdowns?"

I pretended to think about it for a minute or two before I shook my head again. "No."

He wrote that down as well. "I see. This is very interesting indeed."

I suppressed my growl. He was talking about me as though I weren't even there. If only he knew how much that irritated me, then I'd give him a piece of my mind. To Hell with any school rules I would break for assault and damn all the charges against me for doing so. I didn't rightly care.

"Just a few more, Bon," he told me, as though sensing my irritation. "Then you can go back to your dear Tsuzuki-sensei."

At that last comment, my irritation faded and the blood rushed to my face. What was he talking about? It wasn't like that at all! I hated the person! I'm even surprised they gave him a job here at the school in the first place!

"All right, next question," said Watari casually, as though he hadn't seen my reaction but I sensed a slight glee in him, so I knew he had seen my face.

"How did you cut your arm?" he asked, looking up at me, his gold clashing with my emerald. I flinched slightly at the question, then glanced at my right arm before sighing, realizing if I lied, he wouldn't be able to tell.

"I clipped it once, in martial arts," came my slow response, closing my eyes in the process of speaking.

"You take kendo?" he asked me, his emotions of glee suddenly replaced with curiosity. I nodded mutely, still not opening my eyes.

"I've taken it for eight years now," I half-lied. It wasn't true that I had taken it for eight years, but it was true I had taken it nonetheless. Probably only five years at the most, probably not even that long.

"Well, you say you clipped it?" Watari's voice snapped me from my thoughts. His gold eyes ere set into an unwavering stare and I nodded before I said, "Clipping it in martial arts, meaning I was sparring with someone else and he sliced my arm on accident."

"Hmm, that would be true, except this cut is very recent," Watari protested. "And you say you took martials eight years ago."

It looked like he was trying to back me up into a corner, like a cat trapping a mouse. If I was the mouse and he was the cat, then I was slyer than he thought I was.

"I know that it's recent, I'm not stupid. Moreover, I said I studied kendo for eight years now, as in, I'm still learning right now and it's been eight years since I started. And if you may recall, there was a kendo competition a few weeks ago," I lied smoothly. This was going to be easier than I thought. "An idiot who was swinging his sword without a thought in the world happened to be up against people. And when he swung his sword in sparring, it just so happened that I was the other end of the blade."

"I see." Clearly, through his tone, he did not and didn't believe me, but he didn't press the subject, much to my relief. Scanning his clipboard one more time, he looked up and asked his final question, a question that knocked the wind out of me.

"Did you kill Tsubaki?"

I blinked in utter shock and disbelief. Then I glared daggers at the man and my hands clenched into fist, fingernails already beginning to dig into the bandages. I got up and smacked the scientist, ignoring the surprise and pain I felt radiating off him afterwards.

I grabbed the pass and left the infirmary seething. If he knew I had, then Tsuzuki-sensei must have told him. My hands clenched the hall pass tightly, nearly to the point of breaking it.

"Hey, Bon!" he was calling out behind me. I stopped in my tracks, ready to turn around and hit him again, but when I felt his hand on my shoulder, I sensed guilt coming off him in waves.

"Bon, I'm sorry. I just thought because you were close to her, that you may have known someone who wanted to kill her," Watari hurried to try to explain to me. I let out a sigh, one of my hands unraveling from its fist and hanging loosely at my side. I allowed myself to nod before I began walking again, ignoring the scientist behind me. At the way I was feeling now, I couldn't go back to class and face anyone, especially not Tsuzuki-sensei.

I walked up the stairs to the second floor, the same floor my classroom was on, but I climbed up another stairway, that led to the roof. Once I opened the door and allowed the sunlight to hit my face, and after adjusting my eyes to the brightness, I stepped out on the tiling of the flat surface and closed the door behind me.

I walked around the small doorway to the other side and found the hidden ladder to climb on top of the cemented overhang over the door and doorway itself. I climbed to the top, and then stretched out on my back. Screw school. It could all rot in Hell for all I cared.

Something sharp assaulted my side and I instinctively rolled on my other side, searching my pained one for whatever had hurt me. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the envelope from this morning, feeling the bulky bottom of it, as though it held a small metal prize inside.

I opened the already torn flap and sat up, hunching over the white envelope in my hands, reaching down past the note to brush my fingers across what felt like metal, a metal chain to precise. Grasping my fingers around the chain, I pulled it up out of the envelope…

…and nearly dropped it in pure shock. It was my necklace, my amethyst tear stone necklace. No, this couldn't be right. I felt around my neck. It wasn't there. How could I have possibly not noticed its absence in a day's time? Maybe it was because I never took it off. I prepared to open it to fit it back around my neck, but then I noticed something. It wasn't the same chain I had on beforehand. This one was brand new and slightly longer than the first one. It was even better craftsmanship, much to my surprise.

Blinking, I replaced my necklace around my neck where it belonged and reached back into the envelope to take out the small letter than continued to linger in there. Opening it up twice to full unfold it, I read the letter:

_Hisoka-_

_You dropped this on your way out of my place the night before. After a good look at it, I realized your chain was worn out and rusted. I have a friend nearby who told me how to fix it and specially made the chain. It's twice as strong as the first and will last much longer. I thought you might like to have it back, so that is where it is now: back in your possession where it belongs._

_Also, I apologize for scaring you last night. However, there is something I don't understand, Hisoka. I do not know who called you a demon, but rest assured, I do not find anything demonic about you, not even your empathy. Your ability is a gift that most people do not understand, so they are afraid of those who have it. It's not anything demonic, so don't ever feel as though you shouldn't be here for that reason. In my mind's eye, you are special and your talents should not go to waste._

_-Tsuzuki_

I reread the letter again, trying to allow the writing to sink in. When they did, I felt a hot tear roll down my face and dropped to the roof tiling below me, disappearing in the heat of the sun. I lifted my hand to my cheek in disbelief, not understanding why I was crying. My heart began to hurt and my chest tightened. And still, I didn't understand what I was feeling. It was ironic, really. An empath who couldn't even define his own feelings.

After wiping away my tear and taking a few deep breaths, I refolded the letter and slipped it back into my pocket before hopping back down onto the roof tiling. Making sure my necklace was well hidden behind the collar of my school uniform, I opened the roof entrance door and walked down the flight of steps, eyes adjusting the slight darkness and the cool air conditioning fanning my face.

I knew where I wanted to go, at least, I thought I did. I needed to talk to my teacher. I wanted to know if his words were true. If they were… was it possible I had found somewhere I belonged? My heart hoped so.

* * *

**A/N: Whew, long chapter. Moreover, if any of you are still confused by this, please tell me and I will explain things to you in the best way I can. Feedback is appreciated and arigato to all my reviewers! Jan ne for now!**

**Saphira Nakare Ruakara**


	11. Math Class

**A/N: My friend will be fine. She came out of surgery successfully and is doing better than the doctors first thought. I am happy to know she will be fine within a few weeks and I thank everyone who respected my wishes on delaying my fanfictions up until now. Many thanks to the following: **_Amethyst-Eyed Koneko_, _AnimeAngelRin, Kaouri18, Streetwise, DragonPhoenix77, dailyangel, Hispanic Tenshi, fan girl 666, Kiko812, Dragon up a tree,_ and _Chrono21_. **Thanks for supporting my friend and me all the way! Hugs for all of you!**

**Saphira Nakare Ruakara**

Do You See Me?

Chapter Eleven

Tsuzuki looked up as the door opened, revealing an ashen blonde youth with startling green eyes. He smiled at Hisoka as the boy nodded to him, then made his way back to his desk. Stares from classmates followed him until he reached his seat by the window, looking out at the trees. Tsuzuki decided to let it go. Hisoka was probably staying afterwards anyway to see what he missed, so it wouldn't hurt to not pay attention right now.

However, before Tsuzuki could really get five minutes into it, a hand was raised into the air. Taiji was staring hard at Tsuzuki, hand defiantly waving, expecting to be called upon by the teacher. Sighing, Tsuzuki nodded to show he was listening.

"Sir, I was wondering why Kurosaki gets to not pay attention and the rest of us have to. It doesn't seem fair," complained the teen and his partner sitting next to him nodded, obviously agreeing because he was Taiji's lackey. Tsuzuki glanced over at Hisoka, who in turn, looked at him, then to Taiji and back again. He did, at least, have his Math textbook out in front of him, which showed that he would pay attention when told to; hell, the page number was even correct. Tsuzuki smiled before turning back to an irritated Taiji.

"Kurosaki is paying close attention and I urge you to do the same and not make up lies in which involve other students or classmates of yours," Tsuzuki said before turning his math book page. "Now, back to the lesson I was teaching before your interruption.

Sending a secret wink to Hisoka, Tsuzuki began to explain the complex problems from the book and wrote them on the whiteboard with a black EXPO marker, explaining them in thorough detail. He picked one of the most difficult problems from the book and asked if anyone from the class would like to solve it. Nobody raised his or her hand. Tsuzuki felt somewhat disappointed. He had hoped at least someone would have decided to at least try.

He looked voer the class and was about to turn back around to explain the problem and how to solve it when he saw a hand raise hesitantly into the air. Surprised, Tsuzuki saw it was Hisoka. The boy did not meet his gaze, rather his head was down, but his hand was in the air.

"Kurosaki? You wish to try to solve this problem?" Tsuzuki asked, hiding the surprise in his voice. The boy barely nodded and Tsuzuki smiled. Hisoka stood up from his chair and walked to the front of the room. Tsuzuki handed him the EXPO marker and watched as the teen stood in front of the problem for a few moments before writing on the white board.

After a minute or two, he capped the marker and gave it back to Tsuzuki, who was surprised when he felt Hisoka's fingers lightly brush his before they vanished as Hisoka walked back to his seat. Tsuzuki blinked before turning around, scanning the problem. In the short time Hisoka had done it, he expected the problem to be wrong even in the slightest.

Tsuzuki checked the book at the problem, then back up at Hisoka's solution. He let out small gasp. The answers were the same, in every detail, except Hisoka's way of solving it had another step to it, which made finding the solution much simpler. The boy had actually done it all in his head without reaching out with his empathy. He was a very smart boy.

Tsuzuki looked back to the class and began to explain Hisoka's steps to them, trying to ignore their disbelieving looks. After he explained, as if on cue, the bell rang, signaling that Math was over and English was next. Everyone filed out to get their books from their locker, except for Hisoka, who was smart enough to bring his book beforehand into class with him and put it back on his way out of school.

Tsuzuki walked over to Hisoka as the last student walked out and sat on a desk next to the teens. Under the ashen blonde bangs stared the vibrant emerald eyes and for once in his life, Tsuzuki just noted how beautiful they made the boy look, how much older he might actually be behind those veils of green.

"You did well on that problem, Hisoka," Tsuzuki began, trying to be casual. "And I was surprised your mind could process a problem's solution in a matter of minutes."

Dropping his voice to a whisper, he asked, "Did you open the envelope yet?"

Hisoka looked at him, a faint tint of pink crossing on his face, but he nodded all the same. Tsuzuki smiled, a smile that would even make Hisoka go weak at the knees were he not already sitting down.

"That's good. Where did you get that necklace, Hisoka?" he asked the boy, patience returning in a swift notion and his muscles relaxing.

Hisoka unconsciously fingered the necklace beneath his uniform and slowly answered, quite truthfully, "It was given to me by Tsubaki. She told me it would bring me good luck if I wore it after…"

His voice trailed away, but Tsuzuki understood. Glancing at the door as the classroom began to file back in, Tsuzuki leaned down and whispered, "Talk to me after school, ok?"

Hisoka could only nod as Tsuzuki walked down the aisle, back to his seat at his front desk, putting away his Master Math Book and pulling out his Master English Book. The class sat back down in their assigned seats and turned to the page Tsuzuki requested them to, following along as he read the story from the book aloud.

Hisoka, to Tsuzuki's surprise, paid very close attention to the story he read. It was a story in which an emperor had a son who was born with mysterious powers and could do many things normal people could not. Angry and frightened of his son's powers, he locked his son in a cell, miles away from the palace. The son escaped a few years later, trained in a forest with other people like him, and then returned to the palace to take revenge on his father. However, before he could, he found out that his father had already murdered him, so the son set out and killed his father's murderer. Tsuzuki wondered how this story had caught Hisoka's attention.

After reading the story, he presented a list of questions to be answered and copied down on a few sheets of notebook paper. Tsuzuki wrote on the board slowly so that everyone could get a chance to copy down the questions:

_1) Why did the son want to exact his revenge on his father, besides for casting him away?_

_2) How was killing the murderer of his father satisfactory to almost killing his father by his own hands?_

_3) How is this story relevant to the real world today or in our past?_

_4 Can you relate to this story in any way?_

Tsuzuki hated writing the questions on the board, because he himself did not find the story a good one. He especially hated question two, since he hated seeing people die by other peoples' hands. It was sickening to him. Glancing over the entire classroom, he wondered if anyone could actually answer question four. Could anyone in here relate to this story? Tsuzuki's eyes rested on Hisoka, who was writing at a fast pace, answering the questions with long sentences that Tsuzuki could even see where he was standing.

Tsuzuki glanced up at the clock, seeing they still had 45 minutes left of class. Sitting down in his chair, he began to type up his students' grades into the system and sent an auto check to fix any math problems that he did. After five or ten minutes, he was done and left with nothing to do.

Fortunately, there came a knock at the door. The class looked up simultaneously before they all looked at Tsuzuki, who got up from his seat and opened the door to reveal Watari standing there, looking a bit perky. The class stood up and bowed, "Good afternoon, Watari-sensei."

The scientist smiled at the class and nodded. "Hai. Arigato gozaimus."

He turned back to Tsuzuki, his smile fading slightly as he beckoned him to follow him into the hall. Waving at his class, Tsuzuki stepped out with the golden blonde-haired man, shutting the door behind him, his cheery expression also turning serious.

"It's about Hisoka, isn't it?"

Watari nodded before pulling out his clipboard and explaining to Tsuzuki everything the teen had told him, sometimes interjecting the story with his own thoughts on the matter, and putting forth some reasons as to why Hisoka might be lying to them.

When he was done, Tsuzuki leaden against the wall, letting out an exasperated sigh. "It's not a lot, but we're getting somewhere."

Watari shook his head and quietly replied, "Not exactly."

Tsuzuki looked at him. Watari showed him his clipboard and explained, "He is lying on most of what he's told me. People who lock themselves up that way often do that and thus don't want anyone to find out about them or something they've done, or even something someone else has done to them. It only makes sense that we're probably making no progress if he's lying to us this often."

"I see," Tsuzuki said quietly, looking over the clipboard and its notes.

"He has a cut on his right arm, by the way."

Tsuzuki looked up in shock. "What!"

Watari gravely nodded, then pulled up his lab coat sleeve, tracing an invisible line from the top of his wrist to his elbow. "It's that long and about right along here."

Tsuzuki felt like he was going to faint. A cut _that_ long covering half of his right arm. The pain it must have caused him…

"He said he got it through an idiot of a sparring partner, but I doubt that," Watari commented. Tsuzuki looked at him again.

"Either it was self-inflicted or someone else did it to him, but in order to _accidentally_ do it in kendo, you'd need to be pretty sneaky, as well as adding on the fact that anyone doing that would be sent to prison for assault for at least one year. I looked up the records through a friend. No one from a kendo class was sent there."

"So he lied again," Tsuzuki murmured. "Who is he protecting?"

"Either he's too afraid to tell us who it was or he's too afraid to admit he did it himself," Watari shrugged. "It has to be one or the other. No other conclusion comes to mind in any possibility."

"I see," Tsuzuki whispered before looking up at the clock. Ten minutes until the end of class. He had better get back in there soon. Watari looked at the clock as well before he nodded and said, "I'll call you later if anything else comes up."

"Sankyuu, Watari. I appreciate it."

"No problem. Jan ne."

The scientist walked down the hall, back to the office infirmary. Tsuzuki took in a deep breath and held it for a moment or two before he let it out and re-opened the door to class. He was glad to see most of his students already done with the assignment, although a few were still writing. One of those few included Hisoka.

Tsuzuki cleared his throat and announced, "When you are finished with your papers, please make a neat stack on my desk. If you still need more time tomorrow, you may speak to me afterwards."

The class nodded and more than half walked up to place their papers on the desk in a neat pile. A few more followed that, and then finally, Hisoka's hand stopped moving and his paper joined the pile, just before the bell rang.

Waving goodbye to his students, Tsuzuki walked over and adjusted the stack of papers, slipping it into one of his desk drawers. He then saw that he had a few students waiting for him: Hisoka, Hijiri, and Tacha. He smiled, then gestured them over. Tacha had her question in History while Hijiri had his question in Science. After the two model students left, Tacha for home and Hijiri for violin practice, Tsuzuki was left alone with Hisoka, who hung back slightly in silence, unsure of what to say. Tsuzuki smiled, although he was still inwardly pained by the fact that Hisoka had cut his arm, whether he had done it or someone else had.

"Ne, Hisoka. Do you have any questions regarding today?" he asked him casually, deciding to work his way up the pyramid in order to get real information. Besides, teachers normally had to ask that question just in case the student or students did need help.

"No, sensei. Nothing in regard to the lessons," Hisoka responded quietly. Tsuzuki nodded and then laced his fingers together.

"Is there anything you'd like to talk about? Or ask me in general?" Tsuzuki asked then, knowing he would get an answer to that, possibly one to help him understand.

"Hai. Who's your friend?" he asked, hand going up to finger his necklace, which was now showing out from his school uniform. Tsuzuki leaned back in his chair before looking over at the doorway, where there were still students bustling on the other side, talking and chattering.

"Perhaps this is not the best place to discuss things," Tsuzuki suggested. Hisoka nodded in agreement. Tsuzuki smiled and then said, "Here, let's go someplace more private."

**A/N: Hopefully this chapter was worth the way everyone had to do because of my dilemma. Once again, I thank all of you who read and understood. Feedback is appreciated. Arigato. Ja ne for now.**

**Saphira Nakare Ruakara**


	12. Dinner

Recommended listening for this chapter: _Aqua Harp _ by **Animusic**

Do You See Me?

Chapter Twelve

(Hisoka's P.O.V.)

"Umm, you didn't really have to bring me here," I stuttered as a blush colored my face. We had walked from the school and Tsuzuki-sensei had taken me to one of the more divine restaurants a few blocks away. We were now seated in a small booth in a secluded corner, where the silk curtains were drawn against the golden sun's earthly rays and where we were hidden behind a thin velvet cloth that covered the small archway a foot from the actual booth.

Tsuzuki smiled at me. "It's no problem. His place was the most private place I could think of. So relax, okay?"

"Umm, sure…" I couldn't think of anything else to say. I already knew my blush was reddening and I inwardly cursed my blushing reflex. I hated that habit of flushing at the smallest things. Deciding to change the subject, I asked quickly, "Who was the one who, you know… fixed this?"

I gestured to my amethyst necklace. Tsuzuki nodded and answered, "A friend of mine, well, not exactly a friend, but he owes me a few favors, is a trained blacksmith and silversmith. He can fix chains, swords, anything of that accord in less than an hour. He's also skilled at archery, so it's a good thing to watch out if he has a bow in his hand." _(1)_

"I see," I murmured, fingering the purple tear stone around my neck. I felt my teacher's stare, but said nothing and let my hand drop as I stared at the tablecloth. A knock came at the side of the booth and I jumped, startled, although Tsuzuki-sensei turned his head calmly and smiled at the waiter. My jaw fell open as I saw who it was, twined green eyes regarding my teacher and me.

"H-Hijiri!" I gaped.

The waiter looked at me and winked, smiling. "Yep, that's me, Kurosaki."

"B-but I… How…?" I couldn't bring myself to say the words. How in the hell did Hijiri get a job here?

Hijiri winked again. "Well, that's a trade secret. Plus, if Tsuzuki-sensei comes here, he gets free meals, so…" He shrugged. "Good for him, ne?"

I blinked, slowly turning my gaze to stare at my teacher, who also winked back at me, causing my face to heat up slightly. My teacher just smiled and ordered what he wanted before turning to me and asking if I was hungry. Deciding not to be rude, I said I would only like some tea for now, Earl Grey, if they had it.

Hijiri nodded, jotted everything down, and then left the booth, the velvet cloth sliding closed behind him. I let out a small sigh and asked, "How long exactly has Hijiri been working here?"

Tsuzuki turned to me. "Hm? Minase? Oh, since the beginning of August, actually. I normally come here once a week to see him work. He's pretty good, really."

"Oh." It was all I could say. Why did I suddenly feel jealous that Tsuzuki-sensei came here to check up on my classmate? It's not as if I care… right?

Hijiri came back a moment later with my tea and my teacher's glass of sake, much to my surprise, and then left with a promise of, "It'll be out in twenty minutes!"

"Ne, Hisoka," Tsuzuki-sensei said to me as I sipped my Earl Grey tea. I looked up at him through the rim of my cup hesitantly, blinking only once. He had taken on a serious look, more serious than I had ever seen, but it wasn't the same kind of seriousness that I had seen on some people I know. I placed my cup down carefully and nodded, showing I was listening. His mental shields were high, so I could not sense what he was going to ask me, and a million thoughts about it ran through my head.

"Can you tell me anything at all about yourself?"

I blinked once more before I looked up at him, my emerald meeting the amethyst that were once more veiled, filled deep with own hidden emotions that were heavily guarded, and the only displayable ones were the curiosity, concern, and if that was worry, I might just faint right here and now. I still do not understand why he cares so much about what happened to me. It makes me wonder how he knows something is wrong. From the first day, I sensed no powers or abilities he might possess, so how did he know from the start that some of my past was troubling me? Should I admit to him why it was tormenting me so? Would he possibly understand? Or would he be disgusted and push me away to leave me alone, like so many before him? What reason should I trust him with my emotions and feelings? Why should I trust him with my heart?

I could tell he knew of my wavering, but he did not press me, much to my surprise, and instead waited for me to decide. Very slowly, deciding to use my empathy for guidance, I hesitantly nodded to his question, looking down as to not meet his eyes.

"What can you tell me?" he asked me. "What do you want to tell me?"

What I could tell him was everything… everything my body, mind, and soul had endured throughout my whole life, but what I wanted to tell him was not as wide and vague as that. What I wanted to tell him was not all of that, for fear of rejection, just like so many times before, yet something told me I _needed_ to tell him, but I could not find the courage now to say everything.

"What do you want to know?" I asked him quietly, my mind searching for its fast retaliation remarks to conquer any answer he gave me now. I looked up through my bangs as he leaned back, figuring out the best way to answer me while regarding me slowly. Finally, after a few painful moments of suspenseful silence, he nodded and replied, "Anything you can tell me."

That had definitely _not_ been the answer I had been expecting, much less that honest tone and sparkle in his eyes, not the sparkle one would see as glee in a murderer's eyes, but more of a hopeful sparkle, as though I'd really give him even the smallest tidbit of information about me. Anything I could tell him was a long shot, to be honest, and staying on the topic of truth, I was not sure if I could tell him what my life had been like before.

As if seeing my hesitating look, Tsuzuki-sensei sighed, "If you don't want to tell me I understand."

"It's not that," I murmured, casting my eyes down again. It was not that I didn't want to tell him, no, I had wanted to tell someone for a long time, just to get it off my chest, but everyone whom I had trusted betrayed me. It was more so the fear of him doing the same as well as many had before him and thinking I was worthless. But I could not deny that last one. I wasn't worth any of the protection or comfort he expanded to me.

"Can you tell me what it is?" my teacher asked me, "So I can better understand?"

"I want to tell you, but I…" I hesitated. Can I honestly trust him… trust him with myself?

"You what?" he prodded me gently, eyes as wavering as I feel.

I let out a small sigh and said, "I want to, but I can't, because if I did…"

I hesitated again. Why was this so hard? Why did it have to be like this? I nearly jolt as his hand crosses the table to rest on mine in a comforting gesture, surprising me, as I did not sense it with my empathy. I look up at him to see a concerned smile grace his lips and his eyes are sparkling again, yet they are filled with the same curiosity from earlier and at the same time, there was patience and understanding, as though he knew the inner conflict I was putting myself through. I opened my mouth to speak the reason in which would help him fully know why I was the way I am, but I couldn't get a chance, because the curtain slid open, revealing Hijiri again, this time with a tray perfectly balanced in one hand, holding it the same way he held a violin.

I felt the warmth of my teacher's hand leave mine as he moved out of Hijiri's way, as the violinist placed down his food, which happened to be a large bowl of pasta. Hijiri looked at me questioningly, as if expecting me to order something now, but I shook my head. He turned to my teacher, a confused look on his face. Tsuzuki-sensei waved his hand away and Hijiri nodded, bowing, and turned on his heel, leaving the velvet the fall behind him.

I glanced out through the visible slit of the window, noticing that it was barely sundown, just the ending of sunset. I watched as it cast an even deeper golden glow across everything: the green grass, the white clouds in the sky now turned purple and gold with the fiery orb, and the orange-red autumn leaves on the trees that continued falling downward in a dance of their own without a care as the seasons changed. Although it was beautiful, I could not stop myself from cringing as it brought back a flash of red, then of pink petals, and then a husky voice in my ear. I shivered involuntarily, yet I could not break my gaze from the nature outside.

"Is there something about the nature you don't like?"

I snapped my head towards my teacher, who was twirling spaghetti into his fork with his spoon, neat as you please, but his eyes were focused on me and not his food. Without trouble, he ate the forkful, never breaking his contact with my eyes, which caused my cheeks to color. Damn this blushing reflex. Why did I have to blush with him around? I snapped out of my thoughts as he asked me the question again and I nodded slightly, glancing back out the window for a few more moments.

"Are you sure you're not hungry, Hisoka?" he asked me then with patience still evident in his voice. I blinked, then nodded before looking down again. I snapped up in surprise as a small extra plate with pasta was put in front of me. I looked up to see my teacher gently pushing it over.

"You need to eat something."

I sighed, "No, I'm not hungry. I'm all right, don't worry about me."

"I need to worry about you," he said.

That was when I looked straight up into his purple eyes, and for the first time, I realized how breathtaking they were. They shone, as though glazed over, and they seemed as veiled as before, a dusty cloud over the color, polishing the gem as though it were priceless. I blinked, but the image of those shining eyes did not go away as I had thought they would.

"I need to worry about you because I care about you," he said in a quiet voice, making my heart skip a beat and speed up to make up for the lost thump in time. "I want to help you."

If I weren't solid, I'd melt right here and now. I couldn't believe what he was saying to me. He actually genuinely cared about me and really wanted to help. I felt like crying. And that's just what I did.

I burst into tears.

My shoulders shook violently as my heart began to hurt, realizing that the feeling now was just disbelief. I could not actually be here in this fancy restaurant, sitting here with a caring man, hearing his mouth say words I never thought I would hear from anyone. No one had ever said those words to me now and if they had, they always betrayed me in the end. But there was something different this time. These words were truthful and honest I could sense it.

I felt a dip in my seat and an arm wrapped around my shoulder, pulling me towards the owner, which was my teacher. I buried my face into his collar and continued to cry, shutting my eyes as tightly as I could. With my pride, I could not face him now like this. I felt so weak, crying like this, over just a few words he had said. I sensed someone come in, but they said nothing and left quickly after my teacher's slight movement. I guessed that Hijiri had come back and Tsuzuki-sensei had told him it was okay and to come back later, after I calmed down, with a simple hand gesture.

Calming down was never easy for me, not even in the best of situations. I thought it made me rather weak to know this, but now, the compassion I felt from my teacher told me otherwise. His simple feelings were telling it was okay, that it was fine for me to cry out what I was feeling, even if he was at the other end of the direction those feelings were headed. I had never felt this from anyone before and it felt so foreign, like something I had never known that I probably should have known, but never got the chance because of…

I bit my lip to stop my thought right there, which in turn caused my sobs to quiet down considerably and I opened my eyes blearily, trying to see through the fog that were my own tears. The hand on my shoulder gave a gentle squeeze and I looked down, pulling away slightly from my teacher, wiping my eyes with my hands.

"Sorry. That was childish," I muttered, not caring if he heard me, but it seems he had, for he pulled me back against him and shook his head, gentle hand coming up to brush away a lone tear that had been falling down my pale cheek.

"It wasn't childish. You needed someone to talk to, something you never seemed to have," he said to me and those words alone, even the simple letters in those words, made me want to cry again, but I forced them back and tried not to break down again. Although he told me different, and part of me believed it, some small piece of me still though of myself as useless and weak whenever I felt something I was never to feel. I was told I could never feel anything, being the demon I was, and wasn't capable of feeling of any emotions that were human. But my teacher…

He was able to chase away those thoughts and replace them with something I had yet to define and I couldn't believe he would do that to me without asking of anything in return. His kindness was wasted on me alone and I feared he would ask of something that I did not want to, or could not give him. I honestly did not expect for him to put up with me for so long and I soon wondered if he would ever go away, just as I was afraid of and wanted at the same time.

It seemed that every time I closed my eyes, I saw him smiling at me with care and every time he acted stupid, I rolled my eyes and wished he would get the hell away from me. It was somewhat ironic that I longed to have him near me, yet I desired him to get away from me.

I wondered how the side of me that wanted him would react if I broke my teacher so badly, he would run away from me without looking back. At the same time, I wondered how the side that wanted him to go would react if I opened up and let Tsuzuki-sensei in, telling him everything that had been done to me and everything I had done to other people. I was caught between t two sides that waged war on one another, having only one thing in common: Their battleground was my heart and it was already clenching painfully again, the cold invisible hands wrapping their greedy fingers around the essence of my being, determined to break it.

"Ne, Hisoka," my teacher's voice sounded in my ear, "It's okay. You can tell me anything and I promise you I won't push you away for anything you've done or what others have done to you. What lies in the past doesn't matter right now. What you can do tomorrow, don't do today, and vice versa. Do you understand?"

I nodded, blinking back my tears, and finally looking up at Tsuzuki-sensei. His eyes shone in understanding and held such great care, I almost felt cradled by such emotions. His compassion and concern seemed like a gentle caress and to allow it felt like I had experienced a great feeling of belonging and trust with my teacher. Yet, doubt still held me in its grip, no matter how loose it had become. Could I really belong here?

_(1)_** Can anyone guess who this person is? Give you a hint: His name starts with T and he smokes like a hillbilly maniac. Moreover, he rather hates Tsuzuki… XD**

**A/N: Well, there is chapter twelve for all you who read my Yami no Matsuei fanfictions. I liked how this chapter turned out. Things begin to finally move and the wheels begin to turn! I suppose people can guess what's already going on, but that's only to be expected. I suck at keeping things secrets XP. Anyway, feedback is appreciated. Arigato and ja ne for now!**

**Saphira Nakare Ruakara**


	13. Deep Wound

Recommended listening for this chapter: _In the Air Tonight_ by **Phil Collins**

Do You See Me?

Chapter Thirteen- Deep Wound

Tsuzuki never would have guessed how much Hisoka would confide in him, or even whether he would in the first place. As he helped Hisoka out of the booth, he noticed that the boy was letting him take his hand, letting him lead the way outside, letting him actually put an arm around his shoulders. It made Tsuzuki's heart thump in hope as he wondered if this was how it was, when someone trusted another.

It was appealing, yet at the same time concerning, that Hisoka was finally giving into him. For some reason, Tsuzuki felt like he was pushing the boy beyond some borderline limit that kept him back away from him. It felt like he was forcing Hisoka to tell him what was on his mind, but Tsuzuki needed to know in order to help the boy.

Speaking of whom…

The said teenager had been walking quietly beside him, hands in the pocket of his school uniform slacks that actually looked good on him. The wind tossed his hair back and forth everyone in a while as his green eyes shone like gems under the dull glow of the streetlight lamp, which also magnified the ashen blonde color of his hair.

They were walking back to the school, where Tsuzuki would drive Hisoka home and even suggested on picking him up the next morning.

"You don't have to," Hisoka had replied with a tinge of pink daubing his cheeks. "It's only a thirty minute walk."

However, Tsuzuki had insisted and at that, as well as after fifteen minutes, Hisoka admitted defeat with a deeper blush, a beautiful shade of crimson that made him seem more feminine than before.

Tsuzuki smiled as they crossed the street, slinking in and out of the shadows whenever they walked out from under a streetlight lamp. It wasn't a long walk from the restaurant to the school, so they were there in no time.

Tsuzuki led Hisoka to the parking lot and showed him the car he owned. It wasn't an expensive one, one that needed to be shown off, except the thing that had caught Hisoka attention was that the color of the car was as black as night and there were purple flames painted on the front of the car and along the sides. The interior was just as dark as the car color, with a stripe of ruby across the middle of every seat and all the controls were colored a bright emerald color.

Hisoka threw his stuff into the back seat and climbed into the front as Tsuzuki climbed into driver's seat, inserting the key into the ignition and flicking on the AC to a low setting. He strapped himself in, and then looked over to Hisoka, seeing the boy looking out the window, head in his hand, his seat belt still hanging against the car's wall.

Smiling and knowing he probably wouldn't get another chance, Tsuzuki leaned in and gave a soft peck on the teen's cheek, causing him to whip his head around with stunned eyes and for a moment, Tsuzuki thought he had just scared away the teen. But the boy didn't run. He was frozen in his seat and his eyes were regarding Tsuzuki carefully. "What?"

Tsuzuki shook his head at the one worded question and, still smiling, he replied, "Buckle your seatbelt, Hisoka. It only takes 3.8 seconds after all."

He winked, causing the boy to blush harder before the said teen reached back with his right hand, seizing the buckle and strap attached, which caused his uniform sleeve to fall, exposing the bandages tracing his arm. Tsuzuki's breath caught and he reached over with his hand, stopping Hisoka's in the mid motion of inserting the buckle into its holder.

Startled green eyes looked up at him through the dark sandy bangs at the motion and the body flinched in his hold. Careful as to loosen his hold as much as possible without him wrenching his wrist free, Tsuzuki reached over with his other hand, pushing up the sleeve of the uniform top slowly, eyes following each layer of bandage, wishing for it to stop at some point.

It did, at Hisoka's elbow, and all Tsuzuki did was look at the bandages, sadness welling inside his heart as he wondered how deep the boys cut was, how long it extended, how much pain it must have brought him to have the stinging blade in his arm, cutting through his body like a plague. Though it pained him greatly to ask this and his voice broke, Tsuzuki closed his eyes and forced out a small question:

"How did you get this?"

It seemed demanding to ask Hisoka this, especially because he was not an open person, but he needed to know. He needed to know the cause of some of his pain. He simply needed to know.

Hisoka looked at his arm, then up at Tsuzuki, then down in his lap, his hand uselessly sitting there on his leg, no fight within it to reach up and help his other arm wrench free. Hisoka seemed unsure of what to do or say. It was as though he was thinking of all possible escape routes or he was thinking of how to explain himself.

"Please don't tell anyone," the teen whispered, looking up with pleading eyes, veiled with conflict within himself. Tsuzuki nodded to his request and inwardly promised to make up a story to tell Watari later. The boy cast his eyes down once more before taking in a deep breath. Slowly, Tsuzuki let go of Hisoka's wrist and turned the key, shutting off the car and silence ensured, wrapping around them almost like a thin mist. It was hard to breath.

As the painful silence continued, Tsuzuki realized he might need to comfort the teen in order to get the truth. He reached over and gently placed his hand over the boy's hand that was in his lap as his other hand came up to rest on the thin shoulder, his thoughts being a gentle push and caress on the boy's barriers, comfort projected out of his body.

Tsuzuki rested his forehead on Hisoka's, closing his own eyes. He knew that it was his job as teacher to care about his students but even more so, it was his job as a close friend to help sooth away pain. He felt his student's breath coolly fanning his cheek, though he didn't mind. He rather liked it, but his mind was set on information that only Hisoka could give him.

"This cut was given to by… someone who hated me," the teen began, stumbling a little over his words as his body began to tremble slightly. His teacher's hand in his own transferred to his right arm as the other hand on his shoulder moved to wrap around his back, pulling him across the seat to sit into Tsuzuki's lap as the arm pulled him into the older man, a soft embrace initiated by a small hint of worry residing deep within a teacher's heart.

"Who did it to you?" he asked the still trembling teen quietly, keeping his mental walls high as to not overload his student's empathy. The boy laid his head on his shoulder, closing his eyes and whispered out with distaste and disgust a single word:

"Father."

Tsuzuki couldn't have heard that correctly. His own father had cut him like that? As if hearing his disbelief in thousands of words, Hisoka nodded and uttered out, "He wanted to know if I bled like a human."

"You are human," Tsuzuki whispered, clutching the boy close to him, keeping the boy's head on his shoulder with one hand. "You're just like everyone else. He has no right to call you anything else but human…"

"I tried telling myself that," responded Hisoka tiredly. "But it never seemed to work for me. I never believed my own words. My parents' words always told me different."

There was a bitter edge to his tone as he mentioned his parents and Tsuzuki noticed the trembling was steadily growing worse. He felt the teen's skin and realized he was cold. Reaching back with one hand, he got up his spare coat from the back seat and put it over Hisoka's shoulders, then over them both to keep in the warmth. The shaking died down considerably and Hisoka's breathing leveled out as he accepted the feeling while Tsuzuki's arms wrapped around his body.

He opened his eyes slowly, green eyes shining in the dim light of the pale moon outside and the deep orange color of the streetlight before they closed again and a soft sigh escaped those dusty pink lips.

"You're warm," he whispered, changing the subject obviously, but it didn't matter as a small blush crept up on Tsuzuki's face, not noticeable in the dark, yet still visible felt in his emotions. Hisoka let out a small chuckle, something that Tsuzuki was surprised to hear. It was a soft laugh with a thin layer of sadistic comment, but it was also innocent and pure, just like the boy himself.

"I should probably get you home," Tsuzuki said, shifting the teen back into the passenger's seat, keeping the coat wrapped around him and buckling his seat belt for him. His student let out a small yawn and a slightly nodded before leaning back into the seat, head shifted slightly to the side as he closed his eyes tiredly.

Tsuzuki checked the time as he started the car again. It was 7:34 p.m. It was getting late and he remembered Hisoka's homework. He looked over to the boy, who had dozed off, sleeping now, his chest rising and falling with every exhale and inhale. He seemed so peaceful now and pure, untouched by nature and everything within that, his skin complex flawless, as though the lightest of touches from any being would taint him.

Tsuzuki pushed down the accelerator and pulled out of the parking lot; blinking in realization that Hisoka hadn't told him where he lived. Slowing down once more, he glanced at his sleeping student in the seat next to him. It seemed shameful to wake him up from the bliss of sleep that he must need.

Biting his lip and knowing he was going to regret it later, he reached over and tentatively brushed Hisoka's cheek, causing the said teen to lean into the touch and have his eye lids flutter open, lashes shaking as the boy blinked a few times to get his eyes back into focus.

"Gomen nasai for waking you Hisoka," Tsuzuki apologized. "But I needed to know where you live so I can drive you home."

A hazy look of confusion came from he boy before he blinked again, registering the words and muttered, "South of the school. I live in the Highwood neighborhood."

"Address?" Tsuzuki asked, feeling regretful for waking the teen up. He looked a lot cuter and angelic when he slept…

"One, two, seven, four… nine, three… North Gateway on… Wild Tiger…"

He drifted off again and leaned back, falling back into the dark realm of sleep. Smiling softly, Tsuzuki leaned over and kissed the boy on the forehead, muttering a "thank you" before pushing down the accelerator again and heading towards Wild Tiger Drive. It wasn't as far as he thought. He found the neighborhood, but in the dark, it was hard to read the numbers on the house. Tsuzuki was thankful to be one of the few who could see into the dark as clear as day.

"127195, 127198, 127210," Tsuzuki muttered, counting off the houses as he drove by. The neighborhood was like a maze with no way out. He knew he was going to take some time to find his way out after he dropped Hisoka off.

"127493 North Gateway," whispered Tsuzuki relieved as he pulled up into the small driveway of Hisoka's home. The house porch lights were on. The house was a one-story house with a large garden in front that made up for the small size, including a large Japanese maple and a row of white rose bushes. It was beautiful, in Tsuzuki's mind, and he was grateful that Hisoka had a nice place to live in. However…

He turned off the car and looked at his sleeping student. A question that plagued Tsuzuki was that he wondered if Hisoka still lived with his parents. He certainly hoped not, because if he did, then he would take the blow for coming home extremely late.

"Mmm… don't worry about it," Hisoka muttered, fluttering open his eyes again, rubbing the sleep out of them slowly, letting out a small yawn. "I don't live with them anymore. I was kicked out when I was twelve…"

"Oh. I'm sorry," Tsuzuki apologized, mentally kicking himself for thinking about Hisoka's situation so open mindedly.

"Don't be. It's not your fault, so quit telling yourself that it is," Hisoka yawned again, sitting up straight before leaning back to grab his book bag from the back. "It happened and I dealt with it. So relax, would ya?"

Even when he was showing sympathy, he was still his stoic self. Tsuzuki had to smile at that. He nodded and watched Hisoka get out of the car, walking up to his front door and pulling out a key from his bag. He inserted it into the lock and turned the knob, opening the door and giving a small wave to Tsuzuki, who returned it before his student stepped inside the house, closing the door behind him.

Tsuzuki sat back in his seat, soaking up what Hisoka had told him, even the smallest of things. It was a bigger step than he had thought to take at one time, but it was a step in the right direction nonetheless. He started up his car again and pulled back out of the driveway, glancing back once at Hisoka's house before turning the steering wheel and driving out of the neighborhood.

A pair of bird's eyes peeked through the leaves of the Japanese maple in Hisoka's' front yard, watching the car drive off before turning around to its mate, blinking its dark eyes as it and its mate looked at the house belonging to the green eyed student. The house lights turned off, throwing the maple in total darkness, but lights shone out from the bird eyes. The two birds stayed in the maple tree for another few minutes before fluttering their wings and flying off.

**A/N: And this was Chapter Thirteen. A bigger step in the right direction, eh, Tsuzuki? Well, cuddling Hisoka like that in your lap "might" be considered a step in the right direction. But anyway! What is up with those two birds, ne? They are giving me the chills. Well, now we know where Hisoka got that cut on his right arm. It was Hisoka's bastard of a father. And for all you people who thought it was Muraki… YOU WERE WRONG! MWAHAHAHA! Ahem. Feedback is appreciated. Arigato and ja ne for now!**

**Saphira Nakare Ruakara**


	14. Asato

Do You See Me?

Chapter Fourteen

A smirk grew on a cruel white face as a screeching alerted the sense of hearing, the call being more inviting than anything to the being hidden in shadows, though his clothes were colored brightly, bright as day. He listened intently as the screech told him words beyond the understanding of any wise adult and the smirk grew wider, stretching his lips into the cruel smile. He was going to enjoy finding what he had been looking for so long, so long, it made his gut convulse. He was going to take back what was his.

----

(Hisoka's P.O.V.)

Since that night, I had never felt like this before. I longed to be near my teacher, talk to him after school, and allow him to pull me, as a child would do to a mother, begging for ice cream. To be honest, there was something about him that seemed to be off, just like with me and my past. I noticed hat he didn't like talking about himself that much, but I didn't invade on his privacy. Now, at this stage, whatever you want to call it, I was opening up to him, trying to hold a lot back at the same time, but it just seemed to… leak out of me like water from a cracked glass.

I found myself enjoying the after school hours he had free to talk to me. He sometimes acted so stupid, I couldn't resist hitting him over the head. I never thought he'd be able to open me up like a matchbox so easily, but he had and my surprise is that he hasn't turned away from me… yet.

I found myself once again waiting at my desk as the rest of the class filed out for the day. I noticed Hijiri winked at me, a knowing wink, as if he knew what was going on. I turned a deep shade of pink and looked the other way. I heard a small chuckle and then heard one of his thoughts, clear as water, as though he _wanted_ me to hear it:

_'He's finally happy with Tsuzuki I'm glad those two finally hooked up.'_

I blushed furiously and shook my head at him, silently telling him it wasn't like that. He rolled his eyes playfully at me before handing in the English assignment we had to do today and giving a wave, following Tacha out the door. Tacha smiled at him and they walked away laughing about something. Judging by their emotions, I'd say that they had already hooked up together themselves. Tacha was in her second high school year while Hijiri was in his third, same as me. It worked.

I let out a small sigh before taking out my notebook and a pencil, tapping my chin thoughtfully, searching my mind for ideas. I glanced over at my teacher, who was stacking papers neatly into his drawer. His eyes met mine for a moment and I caught my breath. In the late afternoon sun, his eyes shone like polished jewels, like the most beautiful thing in the world. When did I start to feel this? What was this feeling? It was somewhat warming and when Tsuzuki-sensei smiled at me, I felt like I was safe.

Before I knew it, I was writing in my notebook again, staring at the white sheet now being scarred with my grey lead. Stanza followed stanza as the words flowed from my mind and through my hand, down to my pencil and ending on the paper, never to be lifted up by any foreign means, as I felt satisfied with my writing, hardly ever making a mistake.

A hand fell on my shoulder and I instinctively flinched, but relaxed soon as I realized it was only my teacher. He gave me another warming smile that nearly made me go weak at the knees. I noticed he was avoiding looking at my notebook, but I was beginning to trust him now. I don't know why, but I didn't mind that he read y writing. He seemed to understand what I was saying even if it wasn't all of the words.

I nodded to him before looking down at my book, signaling to him that it was all right for him to read. And read he did. A silent moment passed before he smiled again and commented, "You're improving by great standards, Hisoka."

I turned a light shade of pink and turned away to hide it, only to get my hair ruffled and a chuckle close to my ear.

"What? Never received a compliment before?" he teased me and I turned back around to give him a mock glare, which only made him laugh a bit harder. Finally, he stopped laughing and just gave me a careless smile, a smile I had seen him wear before, but I forgot where.

A knock came at the door and Tsuzuki-sensei called a "Come in!" to the person on the other side. The door slide open, revealing—you guessed it—a certain scientist with long gold hair. He was smiling cheerfully, his pet owl fluttering over to greet me for the first time. I held out my hand and she/he landed in my palm. I brought the owl close to my chest and nuzzled its wing with three of my fingers of my free hand.

"Well, I see you two got together fast," Watari commented, flashing another smile. I turned red and looked away, hiding my face behind my ash hair. Why did everyone keep thinking that? It was not like that at all!

Tsuzuki-sensei laughed a little. "Well, we're just getting to really know one another, right Hisoka?"

I gave a slight nod and resumed petting Watari's owl, trying to ignore the stare the said scientist was giving me. I didn't know why people kept thinking that my teacher and I were together in… _that_ kind of way. It didn't seem right to me, because I knew I couldn't feel that, even from a girl. Why think of the possibility of feeling it from another guy? It just didn't click in my mind.

"Well, Bon, I see you're a little more open. Did something happen between you two that we don't know about?" Watari asked and I felt a slightly perverted feeling radiating off him. Blushing like mad, I set his pet owl down before turning around and knocking my fist into his chest, sending him stumbling backwards, only to fall over his own feet and have his back hit the wall.

"Will you stop thinking those kind of thoughts!" I shouted, stamping my foot, my face flushed a deep crimson. "That didn't happen!"

Groaning, Watari sat up, nursing his probably aching chest, but he was grinning. My blush went deeper, if possible, and his owl, 003 flew over to her master to see if was all right, which he was. I held back on my fist this time. However, next time, it would be a LOT worse.

I then realized Tsuzuki was laughing… at me. I turned around to face him. Okay, I admit I was a sensitive kid and that when people laughed at me, I felt worse. Moreover, right now happened to be just one of those times as I felt my face grow hot, flushing with realization at how much of an idiot I must've looked like.

"So I'll take that as a yes and a no," Watari grumbled as he pulled himself to his feet, using the wall as leverage. I rounded back on him, "What's that supposed to mean?"

He adjusted his glasses and tied his long hair back with a ribbon before he cleared his throat and finally responded to my question. "A yes, meaning Tsuzuki did something to make you open up a little more, which could very well be blackmail, but we all know he's too soft for that kind of thing."

He winked at my teacher before continuing, "And no, because nothing like _'that' _happened, or so you claim."

My hands clenched into fists again. "You know, you're just asking me to hit you again."

He then laughed and I felt my anger rise once more. I huffed out a frustrated sigh and walked back to my desk, picking my notebook back up and writing more into it on a clean page, my anger bringing the words into my head. I felt a hand on my shoulder that made my pencil slip and make a thin lead mark across the page, crossing over my kanji. I inwardly cursed as the kanji for water garden changed to a messy kanji for fire. Odd how similar both looked, yet were polar opposites. It always fascinated me how the kanji system of writing came to be and how it was now. Even though I had memorized three thousand kanji already, which was the limit, I still did not understand how most kanji looked like others and still meant something very different.

Sighing, I flipped my pencil over and erased the kanji before rewriting it and looking to my side to see my teacher regarding me with warm eyes again, but they were apologetic as well. I then realized he was probably feeling a bit guilty for allowing me to make that small mistake. By reading his emotions, I would say that was exactly it.

I sighed, "Baka, it's nothing to get worked up about, so stop blaming everything on yourself, okay?"

He blinked in surprise, then seemed to remember that I could read his emotions, and he looked sheepishly at me. I shook my head. He was stupid, honestly. How did I ever begin to feel for him? And why did I begin to feel for him? Because he had been so patient with me, like no one else had? Because he was gentle and caring for me and only me? I honestly did not know.

I looked out the window and saw that the sun was beginning to set and it was getting late. I still had lots of homework to do tonight and maybe even get some of my kendo training in. As if reading my mind, Tsuzuki-sensei offered me a ride home. Again.

I shrugged and followed him out the door, with Watari at our heels. He made light jokes with my teacher while I hung back a bit, wondering what they found so funny. The scientist's jokes were just stupid and damn straight I was when he told an old one with the chicken crossing the road thing. I never found that amusing, it was just childish.

Watari left us at the parking lot, heading over to his own car, which was a small convertible, ruby in color with a side paint job of a shooting star that was colored in white, blue, and purple, matching the color scheme of the deep red nicely. He literally jumped in and drove off, yelling something I did not catch.

I got into Tsuzuki-sensei's car, putting my bag at my feet. Before I could close the door, however, a voice rang out across the parking lot and stopped both my teacher's my own actions.

"Asato!"

**A/N: Mwahahaha, cliffhanger! I am so evil! XD Anyway, nothing much happened in this chapter, though it doesn't explain a thing or two. Now, who is calling out to Tsuzuki? What impact will they have on Hisoka or even Tsuzuki himself? Hmm, review to find out. Feedback is appreciated. Arigato and ja ne for now!**

**Saphira Nakare Ruakara**


	15. Ruka

**A/N: I was able to get my problem sorted out fine and it was actually a misunderstanding. She wanted a translation (I think) of my text and in truth, she HAD credited to me, but it didn't show up. It was just translated into Italian so she and some others could read it. Thanks to those who waited for this. Sorry for the misunderstanding as well as the wait itself_: sweatdrop:_**

_SPECIAL THANKS TO GILLIE! THANK YOU SOO MUCH FOR THE NICE REVIEW! Even though it took a while to read, considering it was five pages, but hey, it helped me move my little lazy butt along to writing this! Sankyuu!!!_

Recommended listening: _Exile_ by **Enya**

Do You See Me?

Chapter Fifteen- Ruka

(Hisoka's P.O.V.)

"Asato!"

My teacher turned abruptly, not having a second to take a step back as a woman suddenly embraced him. She was around his height with long brown hair like his and deep brown eyes. She had his skin tone and actually had the same facial features. I was surprised when Tsuzuki-sensei hugged her back, letting out a small chuckle and true, warm smile. He seemed to glow with the smile, which signaled that the simple was real unlike his other ones that seemed so fake now.

The woman pulled back and smiled at my teacher, who smiled back in a warm loving way. It made me feel almost jealous to see him look at that woman that way. Was she possible his girlfriend by chance? The more I thought about it, the more I began to grow afraid that it was indeed the case.

"Asato, it's so good to see you," the woman exclaimed, her smile rivaling that of my teacher's.

"It's good to see you too," he responded with a gentle tone, the smile never leaving his face. Tsuzuki-sensei then turned to me with the smile, putting an arm around the woman's shoulders. The girl seemed to notice me and nudged my teacher. "Come on, Asato, introduce me."

Tsuzuki laughed. "Hisoka, this is my sister Ruka. Ruka, this is my student, Kurosaki Hisoka."

I nodded in acknowledgement and raised my hand in a friendly gesture, mentally relieved that she was only a family member and not anything beyond that. I blushed lightly as I thought that. Why was I so relieved?

I saw a hand extended to take my own and I looked up to meet the warm brown eyes of Tsuzuki-sensei's sister. I respectfully and politely took the hand, letting go a little too quickly to save myself from fainting with her emotions. Although they didn't show, she had very powerful emotions. Sometimes I wished I wasn't an empath.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Hisoka," she said to me and I nodded in response. I could feel her confused eyes looking me over and Tsuzuki-sensei explained to her that I was normally quiet and a bit solitary. She actually smiled at that, though I did not see what was so funny about it.

"So that's how you know my brother," she said to me in a somewhat teasing way. Now that I think about it, she and Tsuzuki-sensei acted very much alike, despite the age difference and eye color. They both seemed to like teasing me. I put on a mock glare while my lips turned into a pout. She seemed to think that it was cute, because she started laughing and then she _hugged_ me. She actually hugged me.

"You are such a cutie," she said to me, making me blush deeply. "I can see why my brother is your boyfriend!"

Not only did I blush, but also so did my teacher. I pulled away from Ruka's embrace, my face flamed.

"Boyfriend!" I stuttered out, glancing at my teacher and then back to his sister. Ruka smiled.

"Sure! You both are only some years apart and you'd make a perfect couple!" she teased, but I knew underneath the teasing, she was serious. My face grew hotter and redder, if possible and I looked down at my book bag at my feet. I heard Tsuzuki-sensei's nervous chuckle and he tried to explain to Ruka in a stuttering voice that it wasn't like that.

Ruka giggled. "All right, all right, I take back the boyfriend comment."

My teacher thanked her while I couldn't buck up enough courage to even look up, I was blushing so deeply. How could she have ever made that assumption? She was just like Watari! Except without the perverted thoughts, of course. She didn't seem capable of such thoughts.

"So, where are you two headed?" she asked, sitting on the car's hood and putting one hand down to balance herself on it. She seemed a lot like my teacher, I soon realized, but the one indistinguishable feature would be the eyes. My teacher had purple eyes while his sister had brown. I wondered how that could be. It seemed quite odd to me.

"I was just going to drive Hisoka back to his house and then come home, Ruka," Tsuzuki-sensei answered her, his glazed eyes sparkling with inner happiness. "What brings you here?"

"Well, I thought I'd come visit my baby brother and see how bad he's been doing teaching the school," Ruka teased, causing him to blush and chuckle lightly. Inwardly, I also found it funny, but also ironic. I wondered how such a goofball didn't blow up the school by now.

"Cause I'm surprised a little goof like you hasn't brought the school crashing down by now," Ruka kept on teasing, as if reading my mind, and playfully poked my teacher's nose. He colored again and then pulled a pair of puppy eyes on his sister.

"Aww, come on, Ruka, that so mean," he whined. "Have you no faith in me?"

Ruka shook her head as an answer, playfully nudging her brother's shoulder, who continued to give the kicked puppy look which I mentally thought was cute. I don't know why, but it just… seemed that way. I watched as Ruka playfully gave her brother a light noogie and let myself laugh quietly for a moment.

"Well," Ruka stated as she stood up properly, brushing herself off. "I did a bit of thinking a few moments ago and why don't' you come to my place for dinner? The both of you."

Tsuzuki-sensei smiled. "That'd be great. What about you, Hisoka?"

I blinked, registering the words in my brain. I was actually being invited over for dinner? I colored lightly again, having never been asked that before, not straightforward, anyway. "Umm…"

Ruka and Tsuzuki-sensei were smiling at me and I couldn't right out say no, despite the homework I was sure not to have the next day when it was due. I nodded briefly, causing the smiles to widen slightly.

Ruka threw herself into the back seat, being kind for me to sit up front, as I was, and Tsuzuki drove towards his place. Ruka made jokes to make Tsuzuki laugh. When had I stopped calling him sensei? She also commented on random things, especially things she pretended to assume about me, making me color all the way there. I knew it was playful teasing, but somehow, I just couldn't get used to it.

We reached Tsuzuki's place in what I thought to be record time, but Ruka explained to me that it normally took shorter time cause "obviously, my brother gets lost all the time, even when the house is five minutes away by car". Tsuzuki sheepishly grinned at both of us before we got out of the vehicle.

We went inside the two story, my eyes marveling the stone outline on the outside and the polished wood under my feet as I kicked off my shoes, leaving my book bag by the door. It was a little messy, with random coffee mugs on the reading table and on the small table by the loveseat and couch, as well as an armchair. There was a stack of newspapers disorganized by the armchair.

I couldn't believe how much detail I had missed from my previous experience here. I had missed the furniture, the wood, the shining windows, everything… I had missed everything no my way out, had I been so emotional then. I cast a quick glance at Tsuzuki-sensei as he laughed with his sister in the study a door down, putting away a few files from his case, with his sister laughing from the doorway.

I stood by the front door, half of me wanting to talk to my teacher and his sister, get to know them more, but the other half of me wanted to turn around, run out the door and away from here. Seeing them together as family, laughing and enjoying the small company time… it made my heart hurt. I had never gotten that before. Sensing it now felt so foreign, I blocked it out. I wanted to feel it, but my empathy pushed it away, which caused me to push it away period. I couldn't stop it and I wanted to feel it so badly.

My arms came up to wrap across my chest in a comforting gesture to myself, but it was such a hollow feeling, I don't think it wouldn't have made a difference if they were just there hanging limply at my sides. It was that empty…

"Ne, Hisoka, are you all right?"

I looked up to meet worried amethyst eyes that belonged to my teacher, then concerned brown eyes from his sister. I let my arms fall quickly and shook my head. "No, it was… just a little cold."

"Well, then I'll turn up the temperature," Tsuzuki-sensei said then, turning around and walking down the hall, leaving Ruka to stare at me for a minute. That minute was uncomfortable as I avoided her gaze, feeling like I should run away. However, my feet seemed to be planted in the wooden floor, so I could hardly move. Tsuzuki came back a minute later and smiled, "I'll go ahead and make up dinner."

Ruka seemed to snap out of her staring record, whirled around, and d hit my teacher over the head none too lightly. "Oh, no, you won't! You don't need your student bedridden for the next few days, or me for that matter! Better let me do it."

"Aww, Ruka, I can cook, now come on!" my teacher protested with puppy eyes. I thought I imagined it, but then I realized it was real when he suddenly had puppy dog-ears and wagging tail. I wasn't sure how to react to that, so I took a step back, allowing the whining puppy that I had to call my teacher follow his sister into the kitchen. I looked into the kitchen where they were setting up pots and other things to cook food in.

I wasn't sure where, or even _how_, to move from my spot. Where should I go? How should I act? What should I say? Many more questions like that swirled around my head as I tried to comprehend and accept the happy emotions flooding from out of the kitchen and hitting my mental shields. They seemed so happy. I probably shouldn't interfere with that.

I turned around and bent down, about the pick up my book bag, but stopped when I felt a sad emotion hanging in the air behind me. It was radiating off my teacher. He knew I was about to leave. Damn, how could I going to find my way out of this one?

"Baka, I'm just getting a book to read," I lied quickly, flipping open the case to reveal a manga I thanked Enma I had. The emotion faded quickly and was replaced by a slight pang of guilt and remorse, but also with understanding and a quiet self-beating for thinking of that as the owner of the emotions walked back into the kitchen.

I pulled out the manga…

…and nearly died with shock. How could I have been so stupid? What if my teacher saw me reading this? It was the series ending manga of _Gravitation_! It had… stuff even I shouldn't know about, sometimes in explicit detail! Oh, man, what am I going to do? Maybe if I stayed on one page where it didn't hint that it was yaoi, maybe I could get away with it. Or I could just put it away, but then again, my teacher would question me. Oh, well, if he knew what this was, I would be in even deeper trouble! I hastily put the book back deep into my bag, just as the aroma of spices floated out from the kitchen.

I shut my book bag and stood up, turning around to see my teacher just walking out of the kitchen. He eyed me with confusion at not seeing a book in my hand.

"Hisoka, weren't you going to read?" he asked me, blinking a few times more than necessary. I shrugged and answered quickly, perhaps a little _too_ quickly, "I forgot to check it out from the library. It's back at the school. It's fine."

"Oh, ok, then."

* * *

Dinner was great. Ruka was a fabulous cook, even if I did not eat much of it, although it was tempting. She made a dinner of fried chicken with herbal spices and mashed potatoes with chicken gravy, along with the microwavable dinner rolls, which actually turned out to be really good.

"Ah, Ruka, that was great!" Tsuzuki commented, stretching his arms back into the air behind him.

She smiled. "Glad you liked it!"

I nodded my thanks, me being the quiet self I am. Tsuzuki grinned at his sister, who then turned to me, brown eyes staring in the same uncomfortable gaze from earlier. I shifted slightly in my seat.

"Ne, Asato, can I talk to Hisoka? Alone?" she asked her brother, sending a wink to him and a small smile.

Tsuzuki blinked; looking from me to his sister before he too smiled and nodded, getting up from the table and taking the dishes to the sink. Ruka beckoned me to follow her down the hall, where we entered my teacher's slightly disorganized study. Ruka turned and shut the door before she gestured me to sit. I sat in one of the three chairs in the room, letting my hands fall into my lap and I watched her cross the room, lean against my teacher's desk and look at me before she asked,

"What's going on?"

* * *

**A/N: Oh, Ruka has a good sense of figuring things out. She can see something is wrong with Hisoka even if her brother can't. Is this a good or bad thing for Hisoka? Next chapter be up soon! Feedback is appreciated. Arigato and ja ne for now.**

**Saphira Nakare Ruakara**


	16. Agressive Negotiations

Recommended listening: _Shi to iu na no Kariudo_ by**Tsuneyoshi Saito**on_ Yami no Matsuei Soundtrack: Hiiro no Tsuki_

Do You See Me?

Chapter Sixteen- Aggressive Negotiations

(Hisoka's P.O.V.)

The question rang through my eyes and the tone could have had many meanings behind it. Even my empathy couldn't sense the actual meaning for such a sudden question. I looked down to the floor, unsure of ho to answer Ruka. She seemed defiant and she was determined to get an answer from me for whatever it was she was asking.

"What do you mean?" I asked quietly, hoping I wouldn't get her angry in this way. I truthfully didn't know what she was really asking, so what else was I supposed to say? I couldn't right out answer her if I didn't know what she was asking me in the first place. It didn't make sense.

Ruka sighed. "I am asking you what's going on with you."

"Nothing going on with me," I answered, half lying. "I'm just not used to being around others as much as you might think."

Ruka sighed again, this time getting a little frustrated, from what I sensed in her slightly skyrocketing emotions. "That is not what I mean, Hisoka."

He unfolded her arms and merely leaned against the desk, giving me a gentle look, the same kind of look my teacher gave me—still gave me—whenever we were content together. It was the same softening of the eyes and the same relaxed facial features that made me want to look up into the look, despite the mixed emotions behind it.

"Listen, Hisoka," she said softly. "I'm not trying to berate you or hurt you in any way possible, but the look you had earlier… it concerned me. I've seen something like it before, but I was a long time ago… you looked so pained at that moment."

I knew she was trying to explain things to me, but now I felt empty again. Don't remind me of what I was thinking earlier. I don't want to remember it. It pained me too much then, it will destroy me now…

"There it is again," Ruka suddenly said, pointing at my face. I looked up at her surprised, covering up my previous pain, but she had still caught onto it. Her brown eyes regarded me carefully, but gently in a way that somewhat comforted me, although I don't know why. She knelt down in front of me as I put my head down; trying to hide from her behind my ashen bangs, although I knew it was useless and more so childish. She put a hand on my shoulder, which tensed at her touch, surprising her a bit.

"You're tense at every touch," she said quietly. "And you keep things much to yourself. Why is that?"

Her voice was softer now with an even gentler tone to it. I didn't know how I could answer. Would she understand all that I had been through? Would she understand all the dark emotions I had cone felt slamming into my core, all at once? Would she understand the pain of feeling as though you had been ripped into two, right down the middle?

"I have my reasons," I answered quietly, turning my eyes away from her and trying to change the subject.

"I'm sure you do, and I don't want to pursue the reasons why," Ruka said softly. "But I can tell my brother really wants to know you and he cares for you. I need to know why you're like this so I can understand why you won't trust him. He's a good person."

"I can't tell you because you wouldn't understand!" I nearly yelled, abruptly standing up and backing away from the chair and my teacher's sister. "You can't know what I've been through! I can't trust anyone because every time I did, they all betrayed me! You'll all push me away as soon as you find out what's been happening!"

My eyes widened as I realized what I had just said. I clapped my hand over my mouth and backed up a step, not believing how I could have just burst out like that, especially to someone who up until now, I hardly knew. I stared hard at Ruka, tacking another step back as she took a hesitant step forward.

"What do you mean 'finding out what's been happening'?" she asked. "What's going on? Is someone hurting you?"

"No, just… don't get near me anymore," I said quickly, my feet moving my body towards the door. "I can't risk it… I just can't. You can't get involved with me anymore!"

Unfortunately for me, Ruka beat me to the door in a matter of seconds, causing me to back up in a different direction in the study, back to the other side of the chair as Ruka stood, hand on the doorknob, blocking the only way out.

"What are you so afraid of?" Ruka asked, trying to keep the edge and demand out of her voice as much as possible.

"Something you can't understand," I said, knowing I sounded like a smart aleck for such a response. "Something everyone thinks is demonic…"

"Yourself?" Ruka asked then, catching me off guard. I didn't answer that, partly because that was accurate enough to be true, but also because I didn't know how I could form an answer on my sewn-shut mouth.

"Listen, I know how that is," Ruka then said, her tone quieter than before and her emotions switched to a deep sadness, similar to my teacher's that I had once felt, but dismissed as nothing. "We've been through that… more than once…"

My heart then screamed out at me to tell her and Tsuzuki everything, but my mind told my feelings to put a sock in it. My mind also told my heart that it was weak and that my body couldn't' risk being betrayed again. If it was, I knew my own weakness would consume me and I would be nothing, not even a soul left behind. I would be nothing…

But aren't I already nothing? My peers, my parents,_ that_ man… they had all said it. I was, still am, not worthy of anyone's affection. Perhaps I, being a slave to _that_ man, despite my growth in the past years, was… simply nothing. Nothing else worth anything else. It was all confusing… and it hurt.

My head suddenly throbbed in pain, pain I had not felt in a long time, pain that came from emotions even I couldn't describe, but ones I knew I had felt at least once as a child. My knees buckled without my permission and I felt the wooden floor against my sensitive body as my hands came up to clutch my temples, the mental wall of pain building with more than enough strength to blind my senses to an extent I never knew of.

"Hisoka, are you all right?" Ruka asked, suddenly at my side, her hand on my shoulder. All at once, the pain vanished like a wisp of smoke. It was as if it had never existed in the first place. My hands fell from my head, which began to feel lighter and the intense feeling released its hold on my mental shields.

"You're an empath," Ruka whispered in shock. Fear rose up in my heart and in my mind and I struggled to pull myself to my feet, shoving off her hand. I had to get out of here. I couldn't stand it in here any longer. Not in this house, not with my teacher, and certainly not with his sister, no matter how kind she was. I couldn't take it anymore.

A hand suddenly grabbed mine and I whirled around, seeing Ruka staring at me, the same surprise radiating off her body in her aura of emotion, but there was also that concern, not as intense as her brother's and not as strong, but it was still there and powerful enough to make me hesitant for a moment. But it was only a moment.

"Let go of me," I demanded her, but she shook her head, clearly going against my wish.

"I can't do that. Why can't you understand that there are others like you in the world and are closer than you think?" she asked me, her brown eyes darkening a shade and turning sharper.

I struggled and tried to worm my hand free of her grip, which was strong, much to my surprise. I glared at her. "I don't care! Just let go of me!"

The door then flew open from the other side. My gaze was drawn to it, my eyes set into the same glare, but they softened just a bit when I saw it was my teacher standing there, eyes staring at us in confusion and concern, his aura blazing with the same such emotions. His amethyst eyes were set into a deep look, one I could not identify, but it was something I saw myself drowning in as I gazed into those purple depths.

"I heard shouting," Tsuzuki said, looking between his sister and me. "What's going on?"

Ruka loosened her grip on my wrist and I pulled it back sharply and with good reflexes, thanks to my training from long ago. Ruka sighed and took a step away from me. "I can't talk sense into him."

"What sense?" I asked harshly, knowing I was sounding rude and unpleasant, but this was getting both stupid and ridiculous.

"The sense of knowing that people care for you," Ruka answered, quite smoothly, I might add, and with a tone that had defiance written all over it.

"I told you not to get involved with me!" I retaliated with the same hard tone, making both my teacher and his sister flinch. "I told you more than once, but you insist on pursuing the subject in which I can't tell you! You keep saying I should tell you everything, but haven't you realized by now I can't!?"

Silence then engulfed the room and I realized I might have said too much at once and hurt both of them by doing so. I should not have let myself all out like that, knowing that perhaps my teacher and I had passed that barrier of involvement. Obviously, we had not, at least not fully, and now, not only I was paying for the stupid misjudgment, but also my teacher and possibly his sister were, too. Why was it I ruined everyone's lives whenever they got involved with me? Why didn't I just disappear from sight as I always wished I could? Maybe… just maybe… if I wished hard enough, could I erase myself from existence? Perhaps I could… and it would make the world more at peace, wouldn't it?

With that thought in mind, I suddenly bolted past my teacher and out of the study, ignoring the call my teacher gave to me as I slipped my shoes back on, grabbed my book bag, opened the door, and ran out as fast as I could, the cold night wind whipping in my hair and biting at my skin forcefully. I couldn't be around anyone any longer. It couldn't be risked, especially not on my part. I can't afford to let anyone else get hurt because of me.

-X-

"What was that?" Tsuzuki asked his sister, turning on her for some sort of explanation. "You call that a conversation?"

Ruka shook her head. "No, rather it was aggressive negotiations. I'm sorry, Asato, I didn't think the kid was so sensitive."

Tsuzuki let out a small, sad sigh, watching the small figure of his student run down the street. Normally, he would've run after him or stopped him with his car, but Ruka had held him back, explaining what she and Hisoka had been able to say in the small "conversation" they had just had.

"I probably should've told you about his sensitivity on matters concerning himself," Tsuzuki said morosely, his eyes veiled with sadness. "He's so much more like me than he realizes."

Ruka stared up at her brother. "You mean he thinks…?"

Tsuzuki nodded before his sister finished. "He thinks he's _that _kind of creature."

"Who told him that?" Ruka asked, somewhat angrily at the thought of a small child being abused by others his age and most likely older, a boy who was defenseless both mentally and physically.

"Well, if he was telling me the truth that night, he thinks that way because of his upbringing, more specifically, his parents."

"His parents?"

"Yeah. His own father cut his arm open, just for experimentation. His father wanted to see if he shed human blood."

"That's terrible."

"I know," Tsuzuki sighed again. "But he just won't let someone help him. I was close once, but then his barrier came back up. I don't think he realizes he's only hurting himself."

"He told me that something was happening," Ruka confessed. "Or something's been going on with him. He was not in a right state to tell me exactly what it was."

"Something's going through that mind of his," Tsuzuki whispered. "I want to know what it is without having him shut me out like he did with you."

"Why does he shut himself off like that?" Ruka asked, almost childishly, as her brown eyes met her brother's purple ones. "I don't know how he can live that way."

"I think it's his empathy. He can sense emotions so strongly; he can probably sense our sadness from a mile away. Maybe more than that. I don't know how he's able to go to school with such a strong ability."

"Does he live alone?"

"Yeah. His parents kicked him out when he was twelve and he's been alone since then."

"I see…"

"He's had no one to talk to, no one to confide in… just him and nothing else. Nothing else to ease the pain," Tsuzuki muttered, mostly to himself. "Nothing to help him with his loneliness…"

"What makes this worse is that this is Friday," Ruka stated softly. "And Monday's a holiday. You won't see him until Tuesday at the earliest. He may have already shut himself off more before then. He would have time."

"Which is why I need to stop him from doing that," Tsuzuki decided. "I'll go by his place tomorrow… by myself and try to talk to him. Maybe he'll understand then."

Ruka nodded as she looked back out the window with her brother. "I hope so, Asato. I hope so."

-X-

Steely eyes watched as a slim figure ran down the street, dressed in all black, thanks to a school uniform, sandy hair in the line of sight of wide emerald eyes that shed springs of salt water, flowing down pale cheeks. The teenager ran up a driveway, then up to the porch. He stopped, panting, his shoulders shaking with racked sobs. The sharp icy eyes blinked as they regarded the teen, who pulled out a pair of keys to unlock the door.

After the teen entered his house, the owner of the careless eyes smirked at the thought of barging in the house and torturing the boy, but the mind of the white man told his feelings it wasn't time. He had to wait. Wait until it was the appropriate time to do what his heart lusted for.

Turning on his heel, the man walked down the sidewalk with a silent promise of returning soon. Perhaps too soon for the mind's liking.

**A/N: Sorry for not updating earlier. Been having the worst writer's block of the century, so I'm sorry for the Ruka OOCness, the lack of update, and this sucky chapter. I promise o write better soon. I got a good idea for the next chappie. Feedback is appreciated. Arigato and ja ne for now!**

**Saphira Nakare Ruakara**


	17. Secret

Recommended listening: _Angel Dust III_ by **BlutEngel**

Do You See Me?

Chapter Seventeen- Secret

It was night right now, a dark starry night with a veil of black across the blue and white. It was also late, later than normal bedtimes. Ruka checked to make sure Tsuzuki was sleeping before she crept quietly down the stairs, her feet silent on the polished wood as she reached her brother's study. Silently, she opened the door and closed it behind her with a soft click. She switched on the small light by the door and walked over to her brother's desk. She normally was not one to snoop around, but she had a hunch she could find something on Hisoka through the school assignments.

Ruka quietly searched through the study, going through the students' papers, which were in folders on the main desk, easy for her to find, searching for a certain name she knew she was bound to find. She murmured students' names as he licked her finger and shifted through the stack of papers from the most recent assignment.

"Taiji, Tacha, Hijiri, Yuma, Saya, Noriko, Maki… Hisoka."

She pulled out the boy's paper and placed the rest of the stack down on the study desk. She turned on the desk light and began to read the paper. She knew the assignment was the read-aloud in class, about how a son had been cast away for an unknown ability. After years of secret training, the boy had returned to kill his father, but his father had already been murdered. Therefore, the son killed the murderer of his father for his own gains, as well as vengeance. She had read the story well and remembered the text as she began to read what Hisoka had written on his assignment.

_**1) Why did the son want to exact his revenge on his father, besides for casting him away?**_

_The son wished to exact revenge on his father because he had an ability no one could understand, nor did they want to understand it, as they had thought it to be inhuman and demonic. The pain of not being able to have a relationship hurt the son greatly, as well as not being understood by others around him. He hated his father for not giving him a chance to prove himself to be a good heir._

_**2) How was killing the murderer of his father satisfactory to almost killing his father by his own hands?**_

_It was almost as satisfactory because he killed the person who killed his father because he thought that if he killed the man who murdered his father, it would just be like killing his own father, so to speak. The son does not realize, of course, that by killing the murderer of his father, he also avenged his father with honor in the warrior code of conduct._

_**3) How is this story relevant to the real world today or in our past?**_

_This story can be relevant to the world toady because there are many people out there with abilities and certain powers no one can understand, nor do they wish to understand them. Instead, they shun them away because of harsh and seemingly "inhuman" differences. Because that it is rare for such abilities to arise, it seems as though most do not understand the complexity of handling such a power and it scares them._

_**4 Can you relate to this story in any way?**_

_Although unbelievable to think about, I might be able to relate to it in such a way. My ability, which you well know, empathy to be correct, which is hard to keep in check, especially when around peers who have no control over their mental shields, nor do they try to get to know me. Some in my class, for example, have noticed how different and somewhat "anti-social" I am, thus they shut me out. That is all right, I suppose. My parents did it before, so I have the feeling I am used to it by now. To be more specific, let me put it in a question and perhaps we may be able to talk after class about it. My question to you is: _

_Have you ever felt as though you were nothing but a robot, something your parents wanted to make perfect, but as soon as they found out your somewhat demonic powers or features, they locked you up in a basement, often coming down to whip you if you didn't follow every order they commanded with precision enough or used you as a toy in a process of acquiring personal gains?_

Ruka re-read the question a few times before the paper slipped from her hand and fell soundlessly to the ground. She let out a shuddering breath and leaned back in her brother's study chair, biting her lip to make sure the emotion of the question on the paper wouldn't get to her. She had to be careful as to not make a noise as she turned off the light and made her way out of the study, up the stairs, and back into her room.

She closed her bedroom door and sat down on her bed, her mind racing with a mixture of thoughts. What was going on through that boy's head? What went through it when he was younger and treated… in such a way?

Laying down and bringing the covers up to her shin, Ruka's uneasy mind drifted off into a lacing unconscious state. Before she completely fell asleep, she made a note to tell her brother about it in the morning. Maybe he would be able to talk to Hisoka tomorrow, even as the weekend began.

-X-

Tsuzuki put his chopsticks down next to his half-eaten breakfast as he heard his sister's words. He stared at her with his eyes full of disbelief and sorrow, not wanting to believe such words from his relative's mouth.

"Are you sure you were reading right?" Tsuzuki asked, trying to come up with another explanation for such a question, especially from his student.

Ruka nodded and placed the paper on the table. "You can read it yourself if you don't believe me."

Tsuzuki did. As his eyes traveled farther down the page and got to the handwriting that he knew was Hisoka's, he read the question at least three times before he let out a sad sigh and put the paper down on the table, his eyes trying their hardest to avoid looking at it. "If only we had read this earlier…"

Ruka nodded again. "Then I might have understood and not been so straightforward with him. I should learn to have your patience, Asato."

Tsuzuki attempted a smile, although anyone could see it was fake and deep with complete sadness. "Maybe… but even so, I think this might've happened anyway."

"I don't know how I'm going to apologize to him," Ruka said truthfully, putting her head on her hands as her elbows rested on the table.

Tsuzuki shook his head. "You wont have to. I'll do it for you when I go over there today."

Ruka snapped her head up out of her hands, staring hard at her brother. "You're honestly going over there today?"

Tsuzuki nodded with another sigh. "I want him to understand, Ruka, that we don't mean him harm. With him, it's one step forward, then two steps back. As long as there _is_ a step forward, I'm okay with it and I think, so is Hisoka, because it gives him time and doesn't put so much stress on him."

Ruka forced a smile herself. "I really should have your patience, Asato."

Tsuzuki returned the smile. "Don't worry, you have it."

-X-

(Hisoka's P.O.V.)

I blearily opened my eyes to the early morning sunlight, my mind screaming for me to go back to sleep, my body half-asleep, and my heart begging me to cry again. I had cried more than I ever had last night as soon as I had gotten home. I made sure to lock the door and turn off my lights before going into my room. Truth was, my house broken down inside, like me, but it didn't show it on the outside, when you saw the rosebushes and gardens out front. I could still feel the hot salt water against my face from the night, but no one was there to comfort me or wipe my tears away. Just me and nothing else.

I sat up, rubbing my sore eyes in the morning light as my messy ashen bangs fell down in front of my eyes, just as they did every morning. I ran a hand through my hair to force them back a bit before climbing out of bed with my usually un-gracefulness movements in the morning. I stifled a yawn as I walked to my bathroom, intent on getting a shower in.

I stripped in the bathroom and got into the scalding hot shower, wincing as it hit sensitive marks on my body, of which I was not proud of. I rubbed cleansing body oil up and down my body, wincing and cringing every now and then as I let the soap do its work. I was ashamed of my body, to be honest. It was bad enough I was this scrawny, lanky teenager who's skin was like death, but what made it worse was that I didn't build muscle well at all, which only made my predicament worse.

I finished my hot shower quickly and got out, wrapping a large towel around me, which was able to cover me up well. I dried down and changed into a brown-orange shirt and comfortable charcoal pants. They were quite the change from my school uniform slacks and my otherwise hard faded jeans.

-X-

"Sis, I'm going out for a little," Tsuzuki called to his sister, who was still in the kitchen, cleaning up the remains of the earlier breakfast. His voice was laced with a sad emotion caressing the air like velvet touching calico.

Ruka emerged from the kitchen, her warm brown eyes soft and innocent as she nodded, showing she understood what her brother meant by his statement. He flashed a smile before he walked out the door. Ruka watched her brother go from inside, beyond a window, and she waved. The wave meant more than one thing: A) goodbye. B) Good luck.

* * *

**A/N: A second update for everyone. So... now we've gotten a little more on Hisoka. If anyone' read this thoroughly, you would've noticed this story earlier... so for all of those who caught this, you were right. Hisoka CAN relate to the story. And now Tsuzuki's going over there to talk to him. There's going to be a bit of a sruggle... NO! Spoiler alert! Anyway, feedback is appreciated. Arigato and ja ne for now!**

**Saphira Nakare Ruakara**

**P.S. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!**


	18. By the Window

Recommended listening: _Caged Bird_ by **Shuuichi Miyamoto**

Do You See Me?

Chapter Eighteen- By the Window

(Hisoka's P.O.V.)

I heard the door downstairs knocked upon and I stretched out my empathy to see who it was that had decided to come. No surprise it was my teacher. Well, I take that back. I was surprised to see him come to me, especially with how I had acted to his sister. Had he come to hurt me? I sighed and decided to go down and answer the door. If he were coming to hurt me, I would deal with it later. Right now, that knocking was just getting annoying. I grasped the cool handle of the door and opened it, looking up at my teacher, looking up into the sad amethyst, yet catching a glimpse of that smile he had plastered on his face. He wore blue pants and a white button up shirt with a loose black tie.

"Konnichiwa, Hisoka," he said to me, as was the formal greeting.

I nodded my head in response. "Konnichiwa. What are you doing here?"

"Well," he tried to explain. "I just wanted to come over and talk to you… Anou… can I come in?"

I shrugged and moved, allowing him passage despite my mind telling me to grab him by the tie, throw him out and lock the door, not even to look back with the slightest regret. Somehow, my heart saying that I should hear what he had to say at least and then decide if it was the best thing to do, to throw him out, overruled that tempting thought.

"Hisoka, I don't hold anything against you for what happened last night," he said to me.

I sighed. "If that's all you came to say, I think you're just wasting your time."

"Well, actually, if it's not too much trouble… I have more to say," he responded with a hint of sadness lacing his voice.

I shrugged. "As long as you realize later it wasn't worth it, sure."

He looked hurt by that, I watched him shrug it off mentally and his smile faded. His emotions were now stronger than before and very, very saddening. I felt as if I could hardly breathe with such feeling coursing through me. His sadness was similar to mine. Too similar.

"I know you'll want to hear what I have to say, Hisoka," he whispered. I blinked as he said this before I nodded, silently telling him to go on. My teacher leaned against the wall and avoided looking at me for a moment. I watched him carefully, my body tense to react if he were to try something to hurt me.

"I hadn't realized it until now, but…" He paused, turning to look at me with eyes that held sadness long beyond their years. "You were… so pained then. I know how that feels."

"What are you getting at?" I asked, my voice becoming oddly quiet. Tsuzuki shook his head slowly.

"Is it possible… for me to see if it's true?" he asked.

"See if what's true?" I asked, backing up a step.

"They hurt, don't they?" he continued, ignoring my question. "On your back… they hurt so much, don't they?"

There were tears forming in his eyes right now, and few began to fall down his cheeks. I finally understood. The paper I had written on, back in class from barely a week ago, I had written if he knew what it was like… To feel that sharp whip sinking its teeth into your back, to feel the hatred rolling off your parents with such anger and rage… it had been so painful for me… the sensitive marks marring my pale skin, destroying it every day, every time they were touched…

"I hadn't figured it out until this morning, when I looked through those papers," my teacher said quietly, looking down at the floor for a moment before the purple jewels looked back up at me as I instinctively took a step back, towards the window. "I can't believe you would ask me that… I didn't even know."

I had gotten to about five feet from the sill now and I noticed that my teacher also take a step back, as if allowing the space between us, but I knew that he was hurting because of it. Why was he in pain?

"Why are you pained?" I asked quietly. "It didn't happen to you…"

"No," Tsuzuki said, shaking his head. "No… not exactly…"

I took another step back as he took another step forward. He sighed at my movement and instead rolled up his white shirtsleeve, revealing a brown and black watch I hadn't realized was there. It seemed odd that I couldn't see a black watch from under a white shirt. That either was the lack of observation or the stupidity of allowing myself to not notice things right in front of me. Well, come to think of it, those two reasons were the same thing in the similar sense, so… it was both. Great. Now I've leveled down to a rank of stupidity.

"I was to show you something," my teacher said, interrupting my thoughts. "I don't show this to anyone else, but… I think you'll understand me when I say I know how it feels…"

Before he could move, I shook my head, "No! You don't know what it's like! Fire inscriptions marred all over your body from such rage and hate! You could never feel that! You can't even imagine it! You don't know what you're saying!"

I shut my eyes tightly, tears threatening to form and run down my cheeks. In fact, they already were, trickling as though they were not at fault, but I knew they were. A hand placed itself on my cheek, causing my eyes to open at the warm touch, amethyst looking over my face with gentleness that I now hardly recognized with faintness. A thumb stroked away my tear before the face holding the amethyst came close to mine so that a forehead touched mine, in a comforting way.

A burning feeling suddenly lifted within me, begging to be let loose, but I didn't know what it was capable of. I never let anything out unless I know what it was going to do. But this feeling… it was so foreign, it felt almost scary to feel.

I found myself slowly closing my eyes as warm breath blew gently against my face. A hand came across my waist to hold onto the windowsill, trapping me between the window and my teacher. It didn't matter. His closeness wasn't what scared me, this trap wasn't what scared me… what scared me was the feeling I didn't know about beginning to come out of every pore in my body. I couldn't control it. Why couldn't I control it like every other emotion I had? The hand caressing my face slowly slid down to rest against the side of my neck.

I don't know how it happened; perhaps it was my indefinable feeling that caused it, perhaps it was the natural compulsion within me from the start that made me feel towards it. But my body leaned up, no longer against the wall and windowsill, no longer trying to hide from my teacher. It became a blur to my very senses as I felt the softness on my own lips, dry and unworthy of such a feeling on their tainted grounds. But for some reason, I found it within me to accept the fact it felt right. The feeling was nothing compared to earlier. This feeling was different. The emotion rising in me, brought on by the warmth from the gentleness around me and caressing my face, my eyelids, my forehead, everywhere, wasn't anything like what I had experienced with anyone else. I do not know why or how I came to that realization, but I did and… I allowed it.

All too soon, the feeling was gone, replacing the sudden warmth of touch with cool space around me, my head hanging low with the sudden aftereffects swirling in my chest, compressing it into one tight knot that threatened to cut off my circulation, yet at the same time, it was comforting to me.

"I'm sorry."

Those two words were the first things I heard next and I briefly wondered why he said that. I knew he had wanted it just as badly as my feelings did, as much as I longed for such a thing, although he seemed to think it was wrong to take the advantage like he had. But I hadn't minded that small fact as much as I would have before it happened.

I felt a movement in front of me and my trap vanished, evaporating into a wisp of smoke in the cold air as though it had never existed in the first place. The warmth began to fade and my eyes snapped open with shock. My chest was pleading for the warm feeling again as it watched my teacher turn away from me and back away, his back facing me as his head avoided my gaze. I wanted the warmth again… I needed it so badly. I couldn't let it go.

I threw out my arms and encircled them to meet each other, my face burying itself back into the warmth my body, my mind, my soul was begging to have, even if just one more time, but I didn't want to let it go. I never wanted to let it go. My very begin refused to let this walk away when it was so open to me.

Tsuzuki seemed surprised at my gesture and he didn't know how to react. I felt the hot tears that suddenly felt cold running down my cheeks in a tribal dance I did not know of, but had felt before. My eyes had shut tightly again as my chest began to feel wounded as the frightening thought of the warmth gone forever from my grasp appeared in my mind.

"Don't apologize," I whispered, surprised at my ability to talk at this moment. "Don't… don't go."

I felt the warmth enclose me again as a pair of arms did, the tightening of an embrace around my body being such a comforting thing on my mind that rattled down my spine and deep into my core.

"That shouldn't have happened," Tsuzuki said into my ear. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing!" I nearly screamed. My teacher seemed shocked. "Just don't! I wouldn't have allowed it if I didn't want it!"

I heard a gasp and I fear I might have said too much to him, exposed too much of my feelings, revealed too much of myself. I began to cry again. This wasn't fair! I couldn't keep going through life without this warm feeling. Just a month or two ago, I was scared of everyone, scared of this feeling, but now I couldn't think of a life without it, even though I had been through it already.

"Shh… it's okay," my teacher whispered, stroking my hair as he attempted to comfort me. I nodded quietly, keeping my face to his chest. It was okay… I wasn't hurting myself anymore, not as long as I was here, with him, in his arms. But how long would this last?

**

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Dictionary: **

Konnichiwa: Good Afternoon

Anou: Umm... (used when stuttering or unsure of something, hesitation.)

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A/N: Yay! I got this done! Sorry about the rushed ending. Well, let's see what's going… anyone confused as to what happened? Well, I tried to make it obvious, but mysterious at the same time. I hope I did a good job on that. Finals are coming up, so I won't be updating until December 16th! Sorry everyone! But reviews are appreciated. I need the feedback. Arigato and ja ne for now! **

**Saphira Nakare Ruakara**


	19. By Your Side

Recommended listening: _Glaring Dream _from **Gravitation **(original sung by Shuuichi or the Sweet Dream Air Mix. Both work).

Do You See Me?

Chapter Nineteen- By Your Side

(Hisoka's P.O.V.)

To say that I was good wasn't enough to even scrape off the peak of my feelings. I had never, ever felt this way to another person before, because of my upbringing. Now, it was a completely new light to look into.

For the first time in my entire life, I was feeling happy, happy that acceptance embraced me for being me, happy that love was around for me instead of pity. It was not pity I could feel from my teacher, nor was it mercy. It was pure concern and affection. At first, I didn't like the feeling. It was foreign warmth I had never felt, yet a small part of me reached out towards the feeling, grasping it with hesitant fingers, hoping against hope it was for me and me alone. The hopes from that small part of me had come through. I had only met him six weeks ago, but now… now I could not think about being without him. I do not know when I had become so dependable on him, but it did not matter. All that mattered was that I was loved by him.

But how long would that love last? Would it last forever, for eternity as I had always dreamed of? Or would there be a god so cruel as to take him away from me and strip me of that affectionate feeling, making me what I once was: an empty lifeless shell. The thought of such a thing happening was scaring me to pieces inside. I didn't want that to happen again. Not while someone actually cared for me… who actually loved me for me.

I apologized to Ruka, who said it was not necessary, that she was the one who was truly sorry for being so forward and persistent, no matter how many times I told her to back. It seems I was on good terms again with Tsuzuki and his family. I had wanted to be on good terms since Saturday, when Tsuzuki… when he…

I constantly catch myself raising my hand to touch my lips, closing my eyes and almost feel that touch again, the touch that changed me before it even happened, the touch that sparked a strong feeling of need I had never before felt until now. However, whenever I opened my eyes, the feeling would fade away, but slowly, leaving my mind relentlessly begging for more.

In my mind, I couldn't believe I had allowed this to happen. For some reason, Tsuzuki was able to break down almost all of my shields and uncover the real me behind the façade. It was like magic and he was the wielder, set off the complete a task he would not turn away from until it was fulfilled by his hand and his alone. It was somewhat ironic, really.

It was Sunday now and I was spending it with him, only him. His sister was out doing her shopping thing with—surprising enough—Saya and Yuma from my class. More appallingly, they got along well, despite the hyperactive emotion not seen in Ruka at all. Tsuzuki treated me out for the day, despite the homework I had been assigned since Friday that still had not been done. Tsuzuki said that he would excuse me from it.

My teacher today was wearing a shiny black top over a white collared shirt underneath that rippled when he moved. He matched it with denim pants that looked close to jeans. I wore my usual faded jeans, orange shirt, and faded jean jacket. It was getting close to wintertime, so I needed to dress somewhat warmly.

We were in the park now, watching the fish swirl around in the pond as the trees lost their last leaves for the season. The ones that had clung on until now impressed me a great deal for living past their limit on life with their tree home. Few fell onto the small pool at our feet, the fish flicking their strong tails to move their slim bodies around the leaves that sank through the thin veil on the surface, swallowed by the water's greed to the bottom where the sand grasped it, covering it in a fine layer of dust.

My teacher had his hand on my shoulder and my head against his shoulder as we watched the fish from the nearest bench. A lonely leaf floated away from its home and to the second life, towards the water. It would have made it had it not caught itself behind my ear between my coat and neck. I cringed slightly as the dry leaf scratched my neck in a teasing manner with the wind. My teacher chuckled and reached behind my neck, pulling the leaf free and letting it go, sweeping back by the breeze's strong hand, to the water where it struck without a sound.

I nodded thanks to my teacher before we stood up; heading to a more secluded part of the park as more people began to come by, giving us weird looks. Well, it's not that unusual to be hanging around another guy… right? I didn't think it mattered.

"It doesn't," said Tsuzuki when I asked him about it. "Some aren't just used to seeing it."

"Oh…"

Tsuzuki then laughed a bit. I gave him a weird look. "What's so funny?"

He shook his head. "Oh, nothing. I just can't believe you were concerned with that. You are a _little_ too self-conscious."

I pouted. Pouting, I learned rapidly enough, was a nice key into getting what you want, especially an apology you would expect. Except in this case. When I pouted, I also glared mockingly, which meant I was daring him to insult me further. However, Tsuzuki didn't seem fazed by this.

He ruffled my hair instead. "You look cute when you're pouting."

I sighed as my cheeks turned a faint shade of pink, which I tried to hide by turning away from my teacher, focusing my attention on the empty space around us, no one to find us or bother us. I could not wait until spring came around again. The trees would regain their leaves again and no one would be able to find you in the forest of maples in this part of the park. Besides, I liked it better when it was warm.

I felt my teacher move close to me and I found myself trapped in a pair of tight arms with a chin resting on my shoulder, warm breathe puffing past the cold air and into my ear. I shivered slightly, allowing the contact, but left wondering with somewhat feigned childish innocence. "What are you doing?"

"It's cold out and you're warm," Tsuzuki stated simply, causing my cheeks to flush again, deeper this time. "Besides, you're fun to snuggle with."

If possible, my blush went deeper. "Kono baka."

My teacher seemed to giggle, which seemed very out of character for him. "I know, but this baka loves you. You know that."

I nodded, smiling a bit, although my blush remained. Tsuzuki pressed on with his talking.

"And you should also know that someone who loves you wants to do this."

Swooping in faster than I could blink, he kissed my forehead, causing me to blink suddenly at the action. When his lips touched my forehead for that split second, I seemed to be in a trance. The warmth blowing against my face, ridding it of the cold air around us as an even warmer feeling welling inside me, filling me up with a foreign power I did not know of. Then his lips were gone and warmth vanished, as if it were never there.

I looked up at my teacher, blinking my eyes a few times, before I decided to be a little teasing for once, something I have not ever done. Nevertheless, now would probably be a good time to try. If he truly loved me, he would play along with me. With that thought in mind, I put my hands in my pockets and pouted again. "What? That's it?"

He gave me a strong smile. "Why? Do you want more?"

"It depends," I said, my snappy voice suddenly gone with all thought of teasing. "Will you?"

"I will, but do you want it?" he asked me.

"You already answered that," I responded, hiding my faint blush under my bangs. In was thankful that I was shorter than he was. I could hide things on my face from him, except when he brought me up to meet his eyes. Which he did now.

One look into his swirling pools of purple veil, I was transfixed and rooted into my spot, my eyes unblinking as I immediately forgot I was blushing like a stuttering minor. The amethyst swam endlessly as if there were no wrong in the world, as if they were not eyes, but rather deep pools of liquid jewel. It was remarkable.

I felt his hand come around the back of my neck, pulling me closer to him and I stood up on my toes, coming to his eye level. His other hand came to wrap around my waist, underneath my jacket, which slid halfway off one of my shoulders as I gripped the collar of the black shirt. He angled his head to meet mine, both of our eyes fluttering shut, eyelashes brushing against eyelashes in a butterfly effect sort of way.

My grip on my teacher's collar tightened as the feeling from yesterday came back to me in a whirl of emotions, the same feeling consuming my mind as I felt the softness again on my stained lips as they cried out again that they weren't worth the affection coming from this other man, but I ignored them. My soul began to burn intensely with the warm feeling against the cold breeze in the park as I felt Tsuzuki's shields fall, revealing more warmth and bestowing it on me, just as an angel would do to their client or as a god would do unto an angel.

In my mind, I still did not think I was worth all this, worth the feeling given to me now, worth even being this close to someone else, held and caressed with such gentleness; it seemed unattainable. Yet, as I felt slick meet slick, I felt that if I was unworthy of such a feeling or gesture, it's all right to have this one time, just once…

I pulled back in a moment, putting my head down to hide my glimmering eyes behind my ashen blonde bangs. The warmth settled itself into my chest and floated inside me in circles my mind could not follow, but my heart rather enjoyed the feeling enclosing it in a protective barrier.

"You're sweet," Tsuzuki said to me, kissing my forehead again. I shyly looked up at him through my bangs, allowing the faint redness to settle on my face again. He pat my head in a friendly gesture before we decided to go walk around town, do a little window shopping. It was close to December, after all. Christmas was coming and we needed to find gifts.

Leaning my head on his shoulder, we walked out of the park possibly looking like high school sweethearts, which was not far off. My teacher was only nine or ten years older than I was. It did not really matter to me as long as someone cared.

-X-

Icy eyes colder than the snow watched as a couple walked out of the park, the younger's head on the elder's shoulder, a small corn silk hand intertwining with a larger hand. The two of them seemed content with one another, and despite the cold weather, the pair seemed relaxed, as if the simple contact between them ignited a flaming aura that surrounded them both, keeping them warm. Lips twitched into a deep frown as the steely eyes glared at the two of them.

'_This complicates things a great deal.'_

With that single thought deep within a dark mind, the owner of the mind vanished from the small limb on the tree, nothing but a shadow caught between the branches.

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A/N: Yay! I got this done! I still have Finals, so it'll be another long wait before I update. I hope people still read this. Feedback is appreciated. Arigato and ja ne for now!**

**Saphira Nakare Ruakara**


	20. Jealousy and Deception

**A/N: I apologize (AGAIN) for the short updates. School's been a real pain in the arse. I promise to update as often as I can, but come next year in my sophomore year, I'll be taking AP European and English Honors II. They're both extremely difficult and both have at least an hour of homework each night. So don't seriously expect me to update on weekdays next year, okay? Thanks for all the readers I may still have left!**

**Saphira Nakare Ruakara**

**P.S. For those who don't know (cause I've gotten a lot of question on this), AP is Advanced Placement. Normally with this high History class, they don't offer it to sophomores, but I was highly recommended, so… yeah. And because I took English Honors One this year, I have to take the second course anyway. But it's not all bad. Come my junior year, I'll be in more creative writing classes and less of the analytical stuff, so, in fact, my stories will be even better! (hopefully...)**

**P.P.S. I will definitely be updating a LOT over the summer, so I hope I can use that fact to make up for my slower updates this school year.**

**P.P.P.S. This is random, but people at school call me a smart-ass because I'm fifteen and I know more than them. And they're… in their junior year_…: thinks about it: _I recently got a call from a friend of mine in college and she was asking me how to solve a problem. She's in college and she's asking ME to solve it for her? I don't mind, but really… Oh, and for those that know me, Sayaka was the one who asked me for help. Ok, God answer me this: WHY DID YOU MAKE ME SO EFFING SMART?! IT'S GOTTEN ME INTO A LOT OF TROUBLE!! (It has, really.)**

Recommended listening: _Michiyuki_ from _Loveless _(the ending theme)

Do You See Me?

Chapter Twenty- Jealousy and Deception

(Hisoka's P.O.V.)

What was it that caused me to feel this way? I have fallen so deep in need and want that I hardly recognize the emotions as my own, nor do I recognize my own reflection the mirror as I stare into my own green eyes, my own flushed face and my quivering lips. My body was shaking, but in my heart, I knew I wanted it to be like this. Although kissing was the only extent of this unfathomable emotion, part of me wanted to do more, but not having the courage to ask my boyfriend of it, nor could I stand the thought of being exposed so willingly to someone. The last time was the last time and never again would that happen. I did not want to go back to what I had been through before and if I did this time around, I would end up running away again and hurting him.

Tsuzuki.

Just as the name means, I continue to think of that name, again and again, over and over each day, loving the feel of it as it rolls off my tongue. I think back to how it all had come to this, but every time I did, I was wondering how long this would last. For another week? Another month? A year before he gets bored and shoots me down like so many before him? I do not know how he's able to tolerate me now, but soon, I just bet he'll blow me off. I've become accustomed to that kind of treatment. Although I may never tell him this, I feel so deeply for him, that if I weren't so foreign to the feeling or hate the physical contact because of my empathy, I'd ask him to take me in both body and heart. I would allow it, despite knowing it would be painful, but knowing that he loved me. As long as he loved me if he did it, that would be the only thing that would matter to me, truthfully. I just wish I could change my past to make that happen.

I want the feeling, want all the love he can possibly give me, but I am too afraid to ask him of it. Even if I don't tell him this, I think he already knows how I feel. He doesn't know what happened to me a long time ago, when I was younger, but all the same, he knows something is holding me back from asking. He wishes for me to open up to him, perhaps only him, but I can't do it as easily as he thinks. He is patient, though, there's no doubt in that. Our relationship is slow, moving slower as if in slow motion, but I was grateful for it. I noticed this motion and his feelings at Christmas, when we spent it with his sister Ruka and the science teacher, Watari, at my house.

The atmosphere then had been warm, as if you were being dunked in a pool of hot water, the steam relaxing your face and running its invisible hands through your hair. It was the first time in a long time I had been so content and open to someone, let alone three people, and I was surprised when they said they had gotten me gifts. When I heard about this, I realized that, because I hadn't planned on spending Christmas with them, I hadn't given thought about getting them anything. I didn't even know what they had wanted. Luckily, I was saved when Tsuzuki whispered to me that he had already gotten those gifts and addressed them from me. He told me this as Ruka and Watari opened them and he made sure to keep his voice low as so the two wouldn't know, but I think they already heard.

From Watari, I was given a small bottle of anti-depressant pills with a green pentagram sticker on the lid. When I saw them, I flushed in anger and would've killed the scientist had I not been held back by Tsuzuki, telling me it was just a joke, which Watari was only using to try to get me to lighten up. It turns out that the real present from him was a book on alchemy, from the basics to advanced, and although no alchemy has ever been seen to the human eye, perhaps I could take a look at this and try a few things out. Empathy didn't mean I could perform alchemy, though, so perhaps just a good read. Odd how much people are starting to know me.

From Ruka, I was given a small wooden flute, the same ones you'd see Native Americans in stories playing, polished and complete with ancient animal figures inscribed all around the frame. It was a little smaller than a recorder, but it was more natural. I secretly loved the sound of flutes and sometimes listened to them on my mp3 player when no one was around. I didn't know she knew that. Perhaps it was just simply a lucky guess. Cause I hadn't told Tsuzuki that small secret, either. Speaking of which…

Tsuzuki's present was probably the most meaningful. I don't know how or why, but it was. It was such a simple gift, such a small thing that it shouldn't have mattered more than the others, but it did. It overpowered the book and the flute, but more than that, it was two separate gifts that seemed to go hand in hand. The first part of it was a pair of wrist guards, both equal in both size and complexity, the black wrist bands that were two to three inches long. Both had a pure piece of metal on the top to protect the wrist when hands came up to block head shots. It was also crucial to wear them in a dangerous community or when training with swords, as to not slash off the wrist of your opponent by accident. For some odd reason, that seemed to happen often, strangely enough, when one was training. The metal, I also noted, was bulletproof. Must have been expensive...

The second part of the gift was, surprisingly, a bow and arrow set, complete with a quiver and hand guards to wear when shooting the arrow. Also, it had a small target that I could hang anywhere, probably on the Japanese maple outside before it grew its leaves back again. Blushing, I thanked my secret boyfriend for it and then thanked all three of them for their gifts. They all wanted me shoot an arrow, so I sighed, deciding it was time to get out my hakama again. After all, it was what you supposed to wear when shooting an arrow.

As soon as we got out there, I was glad to have the cool winter air caressing my face as a few clouds rolled overhead, blocking the blinding sun, for which I was grateful for. The sun always made me squint, so it would've been harder for me to aim at the target correctly. I hung the target on a thick tree branch, looking at it for a moment before going back to my group.

I took out the string and began to put my new bow together. I had never had anyone give me such a thing before, and I was glad to have gotten out of the old life I had and found a new one. I put the quiver on my back as I tested the tightness of the string on the bow. It seemed tight enough. I didn't want to make it too tight or else the string would snap. And when bowstrings snap, they hurt. A lot. A sprain wasn't uncommon when it came to bowstrings snapping.

Sighing, I reached behind my back and felt the feathers on the end of the nearest arrow, a welcoming feeling of softness that I loved to have again. Pulling the arrow out, I strung the end of it to the string with my right hand while my left held the bow. I pulled the arrow back slowly, closing my right eye as I aimed at the target in a straight line. I tipped the bow up a bit before my right hand let go of the arrow. In less than a second, the arrow hit the target, causing the target to swing back and forth violently before it slowed so we could see how well I had done. It was stuck straight in the middle; a perfect bull's eye.

Gasps and applauding was heard behind me as I merely stared at the target before walking over to it and pulling the arrow out, looking to see if I had pulled the bow back too much. The tip was slightly dented, which was never a good thing. I inwardly cursed myself. My anger had flowed into my wrist right before I had released the arrow, causing it to have been pulled back a little too much on the bow.

"Ne, Hisoka… that was really good!" I heard Tsuzuki exclaimed behind me. I also heard Watari and Ruka's murmurs in approval.

I shook my head. "Not really, it wasn't."

"Why not?" asked Watari. "You hit it right in the middle."

I walked over to them and held up the arrow for them to see, pointing to the tip. Watari and Tsuzuki just blinked, not sure what they were supposed to be looking at, but Ruka said, "You pulled the bow back too far."

I nodded. "The arrow's partly dented. That's not a good thing."

Tsuzuki took the arrow from my hands to get a good look at it, holding it up to the sky, squinting slightly as the sun began to shine down again. He seemed to see the dent and he looked from me, then to the bow, then back to the arrow again. I shifted somewhat uncomfortably. What was that look he was giving me? I didn't like it very much. It made me feel… inferior.

The Christmas day progressed well, with me helping Ruka make a Christmas dinner of turkey, mashed potatoes, corn, peas, rolls, and of course, angel food cake. It was nothing short of excellent. I had never had this kind of company before, nor this kind of hospitality, nor the warmth I felt radiating off of all of them at once.

Later, when evening descended, we were all sitting in the living room, the fireplace holding a fire that roared and flickered brighter and brighter, filling the room with its warmth, a nice feeling. Tsuzuki, Watari, and Ruka were enjoying eggnog, which, oddly enough, I had never acquired a taste for. I made hot chocolate, which was something they drank as well. Personally, I found the thought of drinking both hot chocolate and eggnog to be sickening, but then again, I wasn't the one with the dead taste buds.

It was only later, when Ruka decided to escort a slightly drunk Watari home, when Tsuzuki and I were left in the room… it was after that when he turned to me, his eyes flickering the same as the dying fire, holding secret and mystery behind them. Then, the eyes took on a sharpness and I heard his voice ask me, "Hisoka, what are you so angry about?"

I blinked. That was certainly something unexpected. I hadn't noticed how much he had observed me throughout the day. I didn't feel anger now, only when I shot the arrow did I feel such an emotion. He must have noticed how constricted my facial features looked when I shot the arrow, a mental image flashing once in my mind and I imagined that image on the target. I sighed tiredly and flopped down on my couch, looking at my hands. Quietly, I said, "I'm not angry about anything."

"You were earlier," retorted my teacher and I felt a dip in the seat beside me as he sat down, putting a comforting arm around my shoulders, putting his face in my hair, his warm breathy caressing my face. "You're not very open with some of your emotions, but I want to know what made you look so pained for that second before you shot your arrow."

I sighed again and leaned into him, closing my eyes, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. I wasn't used to talking about events that had happened to me long ago, so I wasn't sure if I had the courage or strength to be able to tell him about it now. It was only a few months that he had come into my life and already, I was beginning to trust him with so much of myself, more than I trusted anyone else or even myself. It was ironic, really, but I suppose if he wanted to hear something, I may as well simply lie or beat around the bush for a while and see if he'll figure it out.

Putting my face in the crook of his neck, I whispered, "I remembered something that made me angry. It normally helps when I'm aiming at a target."

"What were you angry at?" he asked, pulling me closer.

I frowned. He wasn't satisfied with a simple answer like that? That's kind of annoying, really. Keeping my eyes closed, I responded with, "My father."

It wasn't exactly a lie and I didn't know what compelled me to tell him half of the truth, but I guess it was because he would understand and show me compassion for whatever it was. He did say he loved me and would care for me. He is a bit too pestering, though, but I guess I've become accustomed to that as well.

"For what he did to you?" Tsuzuki asked, and I nodded, confirming his answer. I moved to lean against his shoulder and before I knew it, I was pouring out my emotions into words, telling Tsuzuki about my father and how much I hated him and what he had done to me fully.

"He never liked me. Even when I was born, he always gave me a grave look, thinking the same thing over and over again: _He's not normal. Our son's not normal._ For the first few years, I was treated with the kindness a parent should give their child, a kindness all children deserved until they died or their parents died, but no. Not with a demonic son, no, that's not what they did."

I smiled somewhat bitterly and leaned more into my teacher, seeking the comfort I needed. "They learned of my empathy when I was four. Four years was exceptionally young for me and practically for every child. But no, I was different. I was something different altogether. I wasn't supposed to be a demon for them; I was supposed to be human. I was supposed to be their son, but no, I wasn't. They didn't like that. They took me to the basement and I kept my mouth shut for years. My father came down when I was five and began to whip me. You knew that already. I told you I had been... well, you know..."

Tsuzuki nodded and I felt him embrace me, pulling me into his lap, stroking my hair gently. "You can't forget what he did to you, can you?"

I leaned into his hand, keeping my eyes closed, as if I were afraid to open them to a harsh reality crawling on my skin, showing me that this was just a dream and that I would never been loved like this. But a few moments passed and I breathed out contently before whispering, "I don't see how I can, really. It's not easy to forget..."

"I know, I know..." And he continued to stroke me in that comforting way, threading his fingers through my hair, ridding me of my small tangles, and taking away most of my anger that still remained inside of me.

I suddenly remembered something, something that I had left to be for a few weeks now, but now I remembered it as though I were just beginning to think of it now. "Sensei?"

"Hmm?"

"What was it that you wanted to show me?"

His ministrations momentarily paused. I opened my eyes and looked up at his confused face, somewhat bewildered. I let out a small sigh and reached down, taking a soft hold of his right wrist. He tensed up completely and the confusion was gone, replaced by a fear that went deeper than my own of him leaving me; although how that was, I did not know. Slowly, I slid his sleeve back to reveal the old watch on his wrist, tightly bound and leaving almost an impression in his skin. Just as I was about to undo the watch, my teacher pulled his hand away.

I sighed again and tried to reach for it once more, but he pulled it away. I looked up at his frightened eyes, almost like my own; mirroring the fear I had once felt and still felt now. "Tsuzuki…"

"It's nothing," my teacher answered automatically.

I lost it. "It's not nothing!"

He looked at me with wide eyes as I grabbed him by the shoulders, looking straight into his eyes. He was like a child now, his eyes fearful as his body cringed, expecting a blow from me to him, to punish him for not cooperating. But I didn't do it. I couldn't. These wide, teary amethyst eyes staring back at me made my anger fall to pieces. It was inconceivable that my_ teacher _should be afraid of_ me_. Why was he?

"I'm not going to hurt you," I whispered. "I just want to know. You were confident about showing me something on your wrist the day you first kissed me... I just wanted to know what it was..."

He seemed to relax slightly, but he did not bring his wrist to me. I looked down at it and touched it lightly. "I just want to know… onegai?"

"You probably wouldn't want to see…" he whispered to me.

"Idiot," I murmured, putting my head down and placing it in the crook of his neck. "I want to know…"

"No you don't." He didn't want me to find out about something.

"Idiot," I whispered again and I felt tears in my eyes, although I didn't know why. I kept them back behind my eyes, not showing weakness even though it did not really matter up to this point. Then, realization smacked me in the face. "You cut yourself… didn't you?"

He tensed. Bingo. I was right. I glanced up at him, just in time to see him look away, finding the bare wall more interesting. I took that chance to reach over and bring his right hand to my face, placing it on my cheek. I purposely leaned into that touch and used my other hand to begin to undo the watch. My teacher could only watch me in horror, frozen by his fear. Soon the watch was off. It didn't take much for me to pull away slightly and flick his hand, putting his wrist up for me to see. It was then that Tsuzuki looked away from me, hiding his eyes behind his hair.

I stared at the slits and small cuts, starting at one end and ending at the other, seeing the intricate pattern of criss-cross against the tan skin. I brought up my hand and ran my finger across one of them, sending a shiver up my teacher's arm. I wasn't disgusted. I wasn't afraid. I wasn't feeling any anger or hatred towards him for what he had done to himself. These scars were a part of him; it proved how lucky it was that he was alive. It proved his existence, his weakness, but also his strength.

I leaned down and allowed my cool breath to fan the scars before I kissed it lightly. I brought it up to be even with my eyes and leaned forward closing my eyes and running my lips across the cuts lightly, as light as a butterfly would when walking across a human's hand.

I opened my eyes and looked up to meet the wary amethyst. I shook my head slightly. He worried too much… about what others would think of him. I blinked. He was like me. I hadn't trusted anyone with any part of me, mentally, emotionally, or physically, and he seemed just the same with his secrets. It was understandable. I had been through it. I understood. I brought the hand up to place on my cheek.

"Kono baka," I said quietly, closing my eyes. He felt the warmth generating from his hand onto my cheek. The suddenly, it was gone, replaced by the cold air. Tsuzuki had moved away from me. I gave him a questioning look, but he looked away from it.

A knock came at the door.

Letting out a sigh, I moved away from my teacher and went to answer it. I glanced at the clock. Who knocks on Christmas Day at eight o clock at night? Who? I grasped the cold doorknob and swung open the door. I guess I know who it was now.

Hijiri was standing there in a long green coat, the wind tossing his hair back and forth in front of his spirited green eyes. He seemed happy. I blinked before he said, "Merry Christmas, Hisoka."

I was surprised. After how I had acted and how I'd treated him before, he was still kind to me? I hadn't expected that. I nodded to him. "Same to you." I noticed the wind had picked up a little. "Do you want to come in?" I asked hesitantly. It was getting a little colder out and he was just standing there. By the looks of it, it looked like he had walked. That wasn't smart. I briefly wondered why a smart-ass student would walk out in under thirty-degree weather with regular jeans and a coat light enough to be worn on a moderate summer day.

He blinked and then smiled. "If you don't mind…"

I shook my head. "Not at all." I glanced back. "Tsuzuki's here, too."

"Tsuzuki-sensei?" Hijiri questioned before he looked past me, catching the sight of our teacher sitting on the couch. All his previous sad emotions were gone and he was smiling, his watch replaced on his wrist already and because of that, I inwardly cursed. My chance to get closer had just been ruined. I sighed, though, instead of expressing my frustration in a groan. There were going to be other times. I hoped.

"Merry Christmas, Tsuzuki-sensei," Hijiri said as he walked in, nodding a little. I closed the door, intent on keeping the warmth inside instead of letting it get blown away by winter's cold hands. Tsuzuki smiled at him. "You too, Hijiri. Have a good Christmas?"

Hijiri returned the smile and nodded. "Hai. You?"

"Great."

As they indulged into small talk, I went across the room to put away my archery set in a safe place. It wasn't as though I thought Hijiri was going to take it, it was more so the fact that I wanted to keep it where I could access it and not raise suspicion with anyone around me.

"You do archery, Hisoka?" I heard Hijiri ask behind me.

I blinked, not noticing the conversation had switched to me. I stood up with the bow and quiver in hand. I gave him a nod. "Aa."

"You'll have to show me sometime," he said, smiling. I shrugged before I nodded. If he wanted me to show him, fine. It didn't really matter to me. As long as I could feel the arrow's movement in the air, I didn't care who watched.

-x-

It was about half an hour later that Hijiri said he'd go home. We had asked him how he'd gotten here and he said he had walked. I knew it. Tsuzuki offered to drive him back, as it was too cold and he was worried for the other teen, even though Hijiri's house was just right down the street. I let him go. I'd see him again after Winter Break was over.

But there was just not right with how it was going. Hijiri's arrival had been both unexpected and it seemed to flow with everything else in the world except with me. It had seemed too coincidental and too… perfect. Premeditation? I doubted it. Hijiri may be a straight-A student, but he was still somewhat a fool. I watched from the window as the car pulled away.

I grabbed my jacket.

I followed the car. I just had a bad feeling something was going to happen that I didn't want to happen. The car turned a corner and I made sure that it was hidden before picking up my chase again, following it down a small line of houses. It finally stopped at the end of Wild Tiger road, something I was grateful for. I may have been skilled in martial arts, but that didn't mean that running wasn't easy. Especially with how fast I ran at some times.

I watched as Tsuzuki walked Hijiri to his door, a door that had an archway over it, a nice kind of round archway that made part of the house seem like a tiny castle. I watched them from behind a nearby tree, straining to listen. Their voices were low and they were smiling. Hijiri pointed to the sky before pointing straight above him, laughing a little. Tsuzuki smiled and returned the laugh. They seemed content.

I wasn't prepared for what happened next.

It must've happened in the blink of an eye, and I know I must've missed something, but when I looked again, Hijiri was standing on his toes, leaning up against Tsuzuki, who had leaned down. The two were kissing, both eyes closed, as if enjoying it.

I bit my lip. My chest constricted. I wasn't seeing what I thought I was seeing. I could feel warm emotions radiating off the both of them, more from Tsuzuki than from Hijiri. My heart shattered. I knew it. The love I had felt wasn't real. It hadn't been real. It may have only been directed to me because I_ looked_ like Hijiri. I wasn't Hijiri. So… all those reassurances and comforts… all those warm emotions… were nothing but a lie. He'd tricked me

I turned on my heel and bolted. He used me. He made me think people cared for me. They didn't. When I wasn't around, they laughed behind my back and were together, leaving me in the dust. Why? Why did it hurt my heart so much now? Why had I trusted him with my heart in the first place? Now it was broken. Twice broken and the pain was shooting through my body, making me weak as I ran. If he didn't want me, what purpose did I serve besides reminding him of Hijiri?

'_No purpose…'_

-x-

Icy eyes watched as a boy ran down the street, tears streaking his pale face in the soft moonlight. A grin grew. _'The boy's broken again... perfect...'_

-x-

Tsuzuki pulled back, hearing a scuttle from the bushes. He glanced back, seeing nothing. _'Must've been a rabbit…' _Somehow, that didn't seem likely to him at this point.

He gave the teen in front of him a small smile, who returned the smile with a small giggle. "Maybe you should give this to Hisoka. You'd have a better use for it with him…" He reached up and took down the mistletoe, a silly smile on his face.

Tsuzuki chuckled a little. "Maybe. Thanks, Hijiri."

"Same to you. I'll see you at school, ne?" he said, still smiling.

Tsuzuki nodded. "Of course. Oyasumi."

Hijiri nodded and opened his door, walking inside. "Oyasumi." He then shut the door.

Tsuzuki took a moment to compose himself before he let out a sigh with a small smile. He fingered the mistletoe in his pocket. _'Maybe I can get Hisoka to do this…'_

At the thought of Hisoka, Tsuzuki suddenly got a bad feeling. He could feel that something wasn't right. He glanced to the bushes. A scuttle. Probably a rabbit or a bird. Tsuzuki had been too pre-occupied with thinking about his green-eyed student than with everything else. It was an odd thing. When Tsuzuki looked at Hijiri, he could always see Hisoka behind those eyes, even if the two acted nothing like one another.

He would drive back to Hisoka's place. Tsuzuki took a moment to glance at his wrist. _'He was so gentle…'_

**

* * *

A/N: Ne, whew… Long chapter, methinks. Anyway, people can probably understand what happened. Hijiri is clueless, though, and Tsuzuki's not much better. Give you a hint for the next chapter: One step forward, two steps back. Anyway, reviews are appreciated. They give me a reason to keep going. (Minus the five page long flame I got from someone last week…)**

**Saphira Nakare Ruakara**


	21. Leave Me Now, Remember Me Later

Recommended listening for this chapter:_ Missing_ by **Evanescence**

Do You See Me?

Chapter Twenty One- Leave Me Now, Remember Me Later

The horrible feeling that had settled in Tsuzuki grew as his car neared Hisoka's house. The once brightly lit house was now dark and eerie compared to the bright lights of the other houses. Just moments ago, it had been bright with the cheer he and his friends had brought. Now it was dark with a gloomy emotion settled over the building. The bad feeling inside Tsuzuki grew.

He swerved his car around and parked in the driveway, getting out again, looking up at the dark house. He walked up the few steps to the front door and tried to open it. It was locked. _'What the…?'_

Sighing, Tsuzuki pulled out the spare keys Hisoka had given him. He knew the teen trusted him enough to have access, but if he tried anything, Hisoka's empathy and combined martial art skills would push him back. He unlocked the door and opened it, blinking into the shadows that covered the room. He had good night vision, so it wasn't too hard to see.

He quietly closed the door behind him. _'Maybe Hisoka went to bed…'_ But that wasn't too likely. Knowing the teen, he would have waited until Tsuzuki returned to question him again about his wrists. Tsuzuki stole a glance at his watch before putting his hand in his trench coat pocket, letting out a soft sigh.

Suddenly, he shivered; a cold feeling settled upon him, coursing through his veins like the plague, making him shudder. There was something definitely not right here.

He walked in, kicking off his shoes in the process, glancing from left to right around the house he had been in a few times. Some of the walls were still cracked, but the room was nonetheless tidy, jut as it had been before. He noticed a small golden light at the end of the short hallway, protruding from the cracked door that led to the empath's bedroom

"Hisoka?" he called uncertainly, straining his ears for any form of response, but the entire household was deathly quiet from were he was. He walked towards the cracked doorway, leaned his head to the side, trying to see into the crack where the light came out.

He reached out and pulled the door open hesitantly. There was no one in the bedroom. There was, however, a note by the bedside lamp, freshly written in black ink. Curious, Tsuzuki padded quietly across the floor, stopping by the bedside and picking up the note. The handwriting was Hisoka's; that much he was sure of, but it had been done so scrawny that it was certain the teen had been in a hurry.

'_In a hurry for what?'_ he wondered. As he read the note, he knew.

_Dear sensei,_

_Despite all you have done to ensue that I am part of what I would once think of as a family, I now know I was wrong to trust you. You betrayed me. You don't need me; I'm only a replacement for something I know you can't have. You can't change my mind anymore. If you truly care, which I doubt you do, save me before I do something to myself that will take my life under a pale winter moon._

_Hisoka_

Tsuzuki's eyes widened. _'What the...?'_ What had happened? Hisoka had seemed fine when he had left and even before when he had been celebrating with Watari and Ruka. What changed? What was going through his head? More importantly, where the hell was he?

"Under a pale winter moon," he murmured to himself. He snapped his head up in realization and his eyes widened. _'Oh, no...'_

He dropped the note and bolted out of the room, his eyes wide as he ran down the hall, towards the backyard. _'Oh, god, Hisoka... what did I do?'_

He found the sliding glass door and flung it open. He stared out as the wind picked up a little, the moon shining down through the clouds, shining down on the Japanese oaks and the cherry blossom trees that caught the wind in their thick branches. Tsuzuki didn't even need to turn his head to see the boy.

The empath stood there in his hakama, perfectly strung and rippling against his lithe body in the light breeze. The moon's silver rays shone down and graced his face that made him seem like a nightly angel. He was standing under the Japanese oak where his archery target had once hung, already gone with premeditation. Hisoka was just standing there, looking up at the moon, as if remembering something.

Tsuzuki took a step forward. "Hiso—"

Something narrowly missed his face as it hit the outside of the house behind him, sticking in halfway through the wood. Tsuzuki blinked before he turned his head slightly to glance at the object carefully. A spinning star. Tsuzuki turned back to Hisoka. His stance had changed. His feet were far apart and his body was bent into the throwing position, his arm outstretched. Across his face had the look of a predator, a glint unrecognizable in his eyes.

Tsuzuki shivered as Hisoka straightened, the look never leaving his eyes. The wind blew through the small backyard again, throwing the ashen bangs around the forest eyes that hardly blinked. As the moon shone across the pale face, Tsuzuki saw that it was tear-streaked. Dried tears lay upon the angelic face that was twisted with anger. Tsuzuki then saw that at Hisoka's waist was a sheathed sword, hung around his middle with one of the strings of the hakama.

"Hisoka..."

The harsh green eyes blinked once as his empathy flared a little, seeking out answers that were laid in front of him. Letting out a soft sigh, but the look remaining, Hisoka said in an emotionless tone, "So you found the note."

Tsuzuki wasn't sure what to say, so he settled for a nod. What was going on? What had he done? How had he betrayed Hisoka? He must have voiced those thoughts aloud, for the harsh, but expressionless face grew angry and somewhat... murderous.

"You should know," Hisoka spat, his hand going around his waist to hold onto the handle of his sword.

Tsuzuki blinked before he took a step forward. Hisoka's grip tightened, so he stopped. "Hisoka, what happened to you? You were fine earlier..."

"So what?" he asked angrily. "That was earlier. I saw you with him. You only say you love me because I look Hijiri. That's right, isn't it?"

Tsuzuki gaped. "What? Hisoka, that's absurd!" Where had the empath gotten an idea like that?

"Tell that to your emotions," the teen shot back. "The emotions you felt... when you kissed him."

Tsuzuki felt full realization smack himself in the face. Hisoka had seen. "You followed us?"

"Good thing I did," Hisoka mused, his eyes flashing once. "Otherwise I wouldn't have found out. I'm glad I didn't wait until you threw me away..."

"Hisoka, I would never—"

"Usotsuki!"

Tsuzuki stopped. Tears were running down the boy's face, marring the dried tears from earlier and hurting the pale face. Seeing the boy with angry eyes with the tears running down a face twisted by anger and sadness broke Tsuzuki's heart. He took a step forward. Hisoka's hand had slipped a little. He didn't seem to know that he was crying, nor did he care.

"Hisoka... ai shiteru," he said quietly. "Only you..."

"You lie," was the harsh reply, eyes settled into a glare. Hisoka had given the same icy glare when they had first met. Did all those hours together and all those comforts suddenly vanish in his mind as a lie? All the time and effort Tsuzuki had taken to break down his barrier had been for nothing... Was he back to square one, the same place he had been in the beginning of the year?

"I thought you loved me," Hisoka said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "I was played by you. I gave you my heart and you chose to break it. You pretended to hold it as if it were glass and then you merely turn around and let it smash to the floor. Why should I believe you now?"

Tsuzuki stood there, unsure of what to say. His hands were in his pocket as his eyes stared sadly at the teen. How could he fix this? His fingers brushed against something inside his pocket and he suddenly remembered. The mistletoe.

"Hisoka, what you saw wasn't what you thought," he said truthfully before he pulled out the small plant, string still attached. "Hijiri had this hanging over his doorway."

"Didn't mean you had to kiss him," Hisoka said angrily. "So knowing that, you kissed him anyway."

Tsuzuki's hand clutched the plant as his body shook a little, his amethyst eyes already gleaming with tears he forced himself not to shed. He had been such an idiot. "Hisoka, I didn't seem him when I kissed him..."

"Bullshit," Hisoka deadpanned. "He was right in front of you."

Tsuzuki looked up, a bittersweet smile on his face as a single tear slipped. "You don't get it... I was thinking of you..."

"Thinking of how you'd tell me?" Hisoka asked, his hand falling from his sword. "How you'd tell me you were done with me?"

"I was thinking I was kissing you!" Tsuzuki blurted out.

The night echoed that outburst and Hisoka said nothing, merely staring. He may have been a high-level student and he may have been smart when it came to analyzing emotions, but he remained silent, not quite understanding what Tsuzuki meant. The glint faded out of his eyes, even though they were still set into a glare.

Tsuzuki looked down. "It was a sin... to kiss him and be thinking of you... but..." He looked back up. "If I see him, I see you, Hisoka... not the other way around."

"Give me a reason to believe you," Hisoka said, putting one foot behind him as his body faced the teacher.

Tsuzuki couldn't yell at the boy. He couldn't outburst with anything. His own voice was cracking and he knew it wouldn't take much for him to just walk away and give the boy time to come with terms of reality between them. But he couldn't do that. Not now.

"Hisoka... you and Hijiri may look alike and deep down, you may even be twins... but I... I can only love one of you. And I chose you. It wasn't because I couldn't have Hijiri or because you reminded me of him... It was because it was you who I fell in love with... it's you I want to hold."

"..."

"It's you I want to stay with... It's you I want to see with those eyes... If I looked like I neglected you... or betrayed you, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... Ai shiteru..."

"..."

"Is my love not enough for you?"

Tsuzuki looked up as he heard the sound of metal hitting the ground. He'd dropped his sword. The boy's head was down, his bangs shadowing away his eyes. The wind passed through again, caressing the side of Tsuzuki's face as he waited, his shields dropping to let the other knowing he was being honest. The feeling came sincerely from his very soul.

A few more minutes of silence passed before Tsuzuki registered the fact that Hisoka's shoulders were shaking and his body was quivering. Tsuzuki took a few hesitant steps forward; the boy didn't move. Tsuzuki slowly walked over to him. He blinked before he noticed that the boy was crying again. All fury and anger were gone, replaced by guilt and shame, the river of tears reflecting his sorrow.

Biting his lip, Tsuzuki gently—somewhat hesitantly—wrapped his arms around the teen, pulling him close to him. The boy buried his face in his chest and cried. Hard. His body was wracked with sobs as he clutched Tsuzuki's shirt tightly in quivering corn silk hands, his eyes shut tightly as tears made their way through the green springs and past long eyelashes.

Tsuzuki shivered a little as the wind picked up and he brought his trench coat around the younger teen, knowing that his hakama was too light for this weather. Had the boy planned on freezing to death? Tsuzuki shut his eyes and bit his lip, stroking the teen's lithe back in slow, soothing motions, all the while whispering sweet nothings into the younger boy's ear.

Tsuzuki didn't care how much time had passed, but he was glad when the teen had finally begun to calm down. Gently, he pulled back a little and tilted the teen's face upwards. He leaned down and slowly kissed away each tear, letting his lips skim across the smooth surface of the empath's cheek. The boy let out a shuddering breath at the motion. Tsuzuki traced the face before he leaned down, capturing the dusty pink lips in an ever-so-soft kiss.

He pulled back a moment later and brushed away the long bangs. "I won't leave you, Hisoka. I promise."

The wild green eyes looked up at him before the owner of the eyes nodded, putting his head back on his teacher's chest. "Sensei?" came the quiet voice. Tsuzuki nodded once, silently telling him to go on.

"Can you and I... can we..." He didn't seem to be able to form the words and Tsuzuki did not seem to understand what he was trying to say. A very deep tint of pink daubed the boy's cheeks and he buried his face in the crook of Tsuzuki's neck, wrapping his arms around the elder man.

"Can we what, Hisoka?" Tsuzuki whispered gently, trying to figure the teen out.

"Go inside?" was the small reply after a few moments. It didn't seem like the question Hisoka had wanted to ask, though. Nodding, Tsuzuki smiled a little, despite the sad situation and with one sweep of his arm, he was carrying Hisoka bridal-style inside. The boy blushed and hid it in the other's neck. Tsuzuki still smiled gently as he carried Hisoka back into a warm atmosphere. He gently laid the boy on the couch, letting him warm up a little with a blanket. He flicked on a small low light near in the living room, keeping the setting low as to keep the atmosphere gentle. Tsuzuki went and closed the sliding glass door before he then sat down on the couch and brought the slightly shaking teen a little closer to him, placing Hisoka's head gently in his lap.

The boy closed his eyes as Tsuzuki threaded his fingers through the soft blonde hair, stroking him soothingly. His body seemed to warm up a little as Tsuzuki draped a small blanket across his feminine body, covering him in more than his thin hakama. Tsuzuki did this for a while until the boy's shaking ceased and his breathing was even.

"Sensei?"

"Aa?"

"Can we..." His voice trailed away again, a small blush tinting his cheeks

Tsuzuki got a nagging feeling that what the boy was trying to ask wasn't something he would ever ask... And that would be under the category of coming into contact with another person. So he either meant that Tsuzuki spend the night or...

"Are you asking me… to make love to you?" he asked uncertainly, his fingers pausing for a moment in the boy's hair. The blush went deeper to a red color and he moved his head away, hiding it behind the veil of hair.

Tsuzuki wasn't sure what to do. He knew Hisoka needed the reassurances, the comforts, the feel as if he was wanted... but after the events of tonight, he didn't think it was a good idea. They both needed to recover a little. But with Hisoka... Perhaps the teen had needed it all along and Tsuzuki had been too blind to realize it. The thought made Tsuzuki's heart stop for a moment, then start again at a racing speed to make up for its lost beat. He could clearly see that the boy wasn't sure about the idea either, but it was clear that he wanted it.

Tsuzuki brought his hand down...

* * *

Usotsuki: Liar

Ai Shiteru: I Love You

Sensei: Teacher

Aa: Yeah

* * *

**A/N: And… I am stopping it right here. Mwahahahaha, I am so evil. Sorry all loyal readers! Had to do it, please forgive me. So, does anyone want to do something special in the next chapter? Well anyway, please review. All feedback is appreciated. Arigato and ja ne for now!**

**Saphira Nakare Ruakara**


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